[TheHiker]

Hello all, this is my first time on these forums, hopefully this is the right place for this message.
I am 17 years old and for the past 8 months, I have been depressed and suicidal.
It's gotten to a point where I start to involuntarily yell at myself when I'm alone. I've called the suicide hotline twice but they never give me a definitive answer.
For the sake of my anomymity, I'll say my name is Nick.
Whether if I'm by myself and yell aloud or say it under my breath when I'm around others, these are the things I say
"I'm going to kill myself."
"Nick is dead."
"Nick is a nobody."
"Give up"
And when I'm alone, I yell LOUD. This can be in the car or at home alone.
I say more then these, but these I know are said the most.
I'm finally visiting a therapist and telling her everything in 3 days, until then, I just want a heads up to know what's wrong.
Thank you, and again, sorry if this is the wrong place for this message.

[*Laurie*]

Hi Nick, Welcome to PC.

I'm so sorry you're feeling as down as you are. I can't say for sure what's wrong, but it seems pretty clear that you're struggling with depression. I think that maybe the yelling is about depression and anger.

Good for you for seeing the therapist! I sure hope the visit is helpful for you.

[Skeezyks]

Hello "Nick": Welcome to PC! It's been a few days now since you wrote this Thread. Presumably you've now seen the therapist you were scheduled to see. I hope this has been helpful to you. I can relate to what you wrote. Over the years, I've developed a long litany of self-deprecatory statements I've made to myself. I think it all started when I was still a child. ( I'm an older person now.) My father liked sayings, he liked to be condescending, & he enjoyed laying his condescending sayings on me. I also had one particular uncle who had the same predilection. So I came by this naturally you might say.

Talking yourself down can become a nasty habit. So I hope, with the help of your therapist, you are able to unravel the reasons behind your abusive self-talk. My best wishes to you as you struggle to overcome this difficult habit.