[PerfectlyImperfect41]

How do you change? After reading some of the posts/threads it gave me courage to seek help from a professional again! My husband and I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday. Do I feel any better? Hell no! I can't explain how I'm feeling I don't know why I keep on doing this to myself I keep opening up to the doctors and my husband and they let me feel like crap! There's nothing right about me, I have to change this and I have to change that and the best one "just change your mindset"! Yes sure, where's the switch? I've told them I wish they can be me for just 10 minutes and feel what I feel and think what I think and then I will be one of them saying the way you think and feel are not normal!

Well I have a new disorder to add to my list, according to the Dr I'm obsessed with my husband! Excuse me! So by telling your partner of 17 years you still in love with him, his everything in your life, thank him everyday for providing for his family and that you think of him often etc., all of this is now an obsessive behavior!

Are they right? I don't know anymore a while back I went to a hypnotist to take away these feelings, no success he can't get me in "that place" I have a blockage!

I was living a normal life for 30+ years until 2013 when everything happened at once or so it felt (cancer/had to resign from work due to my health at that stage/problems with my eldest son and so much more). I'm tired, if I'm so wrong as a human being what am I doing here?

I don't want to feel or think anymore it hurts to much!!!!

[IceCreamKid]

I'm sorry to read you are feeling so poorly. I'd like to gently encourage you to keep talking to a therapist. I found it sometimes painful to talk to the counselor I saw, but things did improve and now I am glad that I went for counseling. If you think what the person is saying is nonsense, are you saying so? Or do you store up your hurts for when you are alone? Therapy is a two-way street.

[Irine]

Have you ever tried a psychologist, not psychiatrist - and therapy on your own without your husband? + so that the psychologist is a woman so that she can understand you better?

[Mountainbard]

with Irine

[avlady]

i think also like Irine that maybe you should talk to a woman, they would be more able to relate to i think myself. i know there are plenty of great pshyciatrists and psychologists out there but there are some that are not so great, we often times have to explore the field. whatever insurance i hope you can afford a good one. good luck

the book that helped me the most with this same thjng is Battlefield of the Mind by joyce meyer. she is a christian, but even if you dont care for the christianity parts in it it can still help you learn to change your thoughts.

[PerfectlyImperfect41]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I'm sorry to read you are feeling so poorly. I'd like to gently encourage you to keep talking to a therapist. I found it sometimes painful to talk to the counselor I saw, but things did improve and now I am glad that I went for counseling. If you think what the person is saying is nonsense, are you saying so? Or do you store up your hurts for when you are alone? Therapy is a two-way street.

IceCreamKid: Your message got me thinking! Yes I do tell the psychiatrist and psychologist exactly what I think, feel and if I disagree with something they say and that caused some problems because they see it as me being stubborn because I don't want to let go of my 'ways'!

But I realised yesterday after reading your message again, I don't have a problem telling the doctors how I feel and what I think, the problem is the people around me, my husband, children and family if I can share why I'm saying this; Saturday we went for a braai (barbeque) at my parents house my sister and niece was also there. It has been almost 4 months since I've tried to commit suicide (again) and we were sitting there talking about Christmas and my sister said ' I know what we can get you for christmas, pills!' And so the jokes started and yes maybe you right I keep everything inside or I try anyway! The worst and pathetic part, I laughed with them because everyone was having a good time but inside of me, I was dying! I think what hurts the most was my husband laughing with them!

Irene: in this 'journey' of mine as I refer to it, I've seen 3 women psychologist with no good results and it goes for the pastors and psychiatrists as well , the only thing that change is the medication or them referring me to someone else. I'm tired telling my story over and over and defending myself!
I'm unemployed for longer than 2 years now we only have a hospital plan. Here in South Africa there's a lack of Government support for counselling/medication etc. And then there's all the things that were said to me; I'm wasting everybodies time / I'm wasting money that we don't have and that I don't want to be helped, so yes I feel guilty it feels like everything concerning me is a waste!

Thank you for listening!