[moodycow]

Today I was told if you give yourself a damm good talking to you will get better , !!! enough said
...........

[Mountainbard]

Welcome to the Psych Central community, moodycow! People who don't understand can say the stupidest things. Here you'll find a lot of friendly, understanding people who will give you support, good feedback, and encouragement. And no one will tell you to give yourself a damned good talking to. Remember to be gentle with yourself.

[Teddy Bear]

OK don't beat yourself up. Try to remember the good things.

[Fuzzybear]

what a load of crap

Hugs

[Fuzzybear]

Maybe "they" "should" have inserted "just" in this attempt at ??.... what?

Originally Posted by moodycow

Today I was told if you give yourself a damm good talking to you will get better , !!! enough said
...........

[moodycow]

Thanks fuzzy , To be fair the person truly believes this is possible!! so even though it was really upsetting it was hard to stay mad at this person who meant well. However as we here know this kind of attitude is way too common still and very unhelpfull and invalidatig.

[avlady]

i talk to myself all day long anyway in my head so i probably don't need to right now!!

[moodycow]

lol thanks avlady, you must be really really well now ))

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by moodycow

Today I was told if you give yourself a damm good talking to you will get better , !!! enough said
...........

My comment may be somewhat different from everyone else's. My therapist basically told me the same thing over several months. I have depression and anxiety. You didn't say what your diagnosis is, so I will speak to only what she told me.

My therapist told me that the bad experiences I had earlier in life laid down a sort of roadmap in my brain so that I coped (or didn't cope, more to the point) in certain ways. As a matter of survival when I was a child I was doing the best I could in an untenable situation. But as an adult those strategies were not so helpful. Yet they appeared to be the only ones, according to my brain (when I was in stressful situations).

So she taught me how to re-train my brain. She said that studies showed that people could develop better pathways of thinking and different, and more appropriate (for the here and now) strategies for coping with stressful situations.

I take a medication for my depression. I use affirmations (a version of a "good talking to myself")--at first I said them morning and night and sometimes during the day. Now I say them in the morning as I am going to work (which is the source of my stress right now).

I stopped focusing on negative things. For example, I stopped reading the news online at night because it disrupted my sleep which was ruining my health.

I purposely found things to find joy in. For me it is photos of animals (friends help me with this by sending me cute ones), videos of animals, beautiful places.

I practice smiling. Another thing I found out (I can't remember if my therapist told me this or I read it in article) but if you smile, those muscles activate good feelings in the brain. It is true! So as I go into work I think of the most charming thing (which happens to be a little video I saw) and I start to smile (I am smiling now as I think of this). What I found out is that my sunny expression brings out the same expression on other people's faces. Not everyone of course--but enough where my mood was lifted.

I also started looking at the "I can't" of my life. I have reconsidered my job, where I live, how I live and whether I will continue my education or not. As an example--not so very many years ago there was no such thing as a cell phone. Yet many people today think "I can't live without my cell phone". Really?? I can. I have.

The point is that every "I can't" in your life can be re-examined and re-examined more than once, at different stages of your life. Allow yourself to step out of the lockstep of your thinking, particularly the idea that you can't get better. At the very least none of us know what better, more effective therapies and medications may be developed in the coming months and years.

Let me caution you that all of that said, if you have been prescribed medications, do not think I am advocating going without them. Not at all. Some mental illnesses have a component that make the person think he or she is not ill. So we must rely on the good judgment of doctors and therapists in those situations. Nevertheless, you are and can be an active partner in your own treatment towards better well-being.

I hope this helps you and/or someone else.

[avlady]

That does help so much!!!

[newday2020]

IceCreamKid.........thanks so much for sharing!!!!!! It helped me too.

[Cat_Lover_58]

Oh, I see you heard from my father! He's a kind of pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of guy! He once told me I let people affect me too much. Really? I'm from a violent, unloving, alcoholic home and for the last 40 years you pretty much ignored your kids and grandkids.

Rant over...

[stewartmays1]

i often have a good hard talk to my self but to be told that would do my head in for sure but sometimes you just gotta talk to yourself it does help

Originally Posted by moodycow

Today I was told if you give yourself a damm good talking to you will get better , !!! enough said
...........

blah.

what a load of tosh. (and other things i won't say here)

*hugs* and welcome

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