[evildouble102]

I wasn't sure where to put this in the forums... I don't know what is the cause behind all this strange behavior for me. I invited someone I had talked to online to my home. I started drinking again; binging here and there. I met up with someone I took a class with and he invited me to this party. I expected the drinking but ended up smoking marijuana probly five or so times in the course of 4 hours; then did half a line of coke because it was there and offered to me; so, I said sure why not. They told me it was good and that I'd like it. So I tried it. I then contacted another guy who I had talked to for a while and am waiting for him to show up. We discussed wanting to party and have sex. This is all not me as far as upbringing and what not. I thought I was through this phase of doing stupid things really. Does anyone have any insight as to what this could be? I have quite a list of diagnoses: schizoaffective disorder bipolar type, ocd, ptsd, panic, bpd, and some have said the possibility of alcohol dependence- recently found out about the last one... Thanks

[soulno7]

It seems to me you're desperate for distraction. Distraction from what is my question. When you find out what it is you want to be distracted from, let us know...

[tranquility]

Evil -

It's not insanity; rather, it's escapism. When we do harmful or distructive behaviors to ourselves (drugs, alcohol, harmful sex) it's because we are trying to bury the feelings that are making us feel bad.

It's not a teenage thing cause I did some of these up until I was 39 when I got sober.

Talk to a therapist to see if you can get to your feelings of lack of self worth and why you want to do this behavior. Your certainly not abnormal though - I think we all do this.

Tranquility

[DePressMe]

I sometimes go through times of impulsiveness. Impulsive behavior is difficult to deal with. I have found meds help out with it. Maybe you could talk with a pdoc about it.