[shygirl2101]

I’ve been thinking lately and did a retrospective of how my life was (before my problems , during and now).And this is what I’ve concluded : It’s all because I had too big expectations for my self and for others (and how the world should work).
I remember when I was very little that I was a happy kid, full of joy and curiosity. I developed normally physically and psychologically. I socialized with the kids from the block. The two things my parents should have done differently is: let me go to kindergarten and don’t overprotect me. Because when I started first grade I couldn’t adjust to the new environment and consequently didn’t develop social skills and became insecure with myself. When I was alone in my home and with the kids from the block I didn’t have low self-esteem because probably I was ahead of them. Also I noticed that my parents haven’t thought me to be independent like the other kids so I got this idea that they didn’t thought me this things because I couldn’t learn them. That’s probably the moment my self-esteem started to shatter.
Also the overprotecting didn’t have good results in the end. Up to 10 years old I was very naive. I used to think that everyone was good, that there is justice, that good always conquers evil etc. I was an idealist, optimist and hopeless romantic. Partially that was because I watched Disney cartoons too much and believed their fairy tales.
And when my bullying started when I was 11, that overly innocent view of the world started to shatter. The bullies I had were probably the first people to treat me bad, so the thought that everyone was good "went out the window". A few times I tried to report them to the teachers but they didn't take my bullying seriously. So much for justice. Then I hoped someone would help. But obviously that didn’t happen. By the time I started high school I became a pessimist. And since I was a loner for most of the time I would just watch people’s behavior. I watched how girls in my class on the one hand act like best friends and then talk behind each other’s backs. Or how first guys seduce girls, go through the lovey-dovey phase and then dump them. Etc. Etc. I became a magnet for other people’s misery. I would specifically hear, watch and listen to everything that is negative. And now generally I have an opinion that there’s no good left in the world. These last couple of years I’ve been focused in what kind of society I live in, politics, the economy etc. By the looks of things I’ve become a cynic.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, shygirl. I think the best way to look at things is to expect the best but know that in this world bad things can happen. I agree that mistreatment in our formative years, when we are learning about the world, can distort our views and "warp" our personalities. You sound like you've developed some insight into yourself.

[shygirl2101]

I almost forgot about this thread. Thanks for your reply Travelinglady. I was expecting to get replies like to be positive, to not have so negative view of the world. But I guess it’s part of growing up to understand that nothing is like what is in the movies. I just had to learn things faster. While I’m becoming cynical, there are people my age that are idealistic and believe that they’re going to fulfill their dreams.