[aliceskywalker]

Hello,
This is my first post in the forum. Actually, this post is the reason why I made an account here.
I don't know if this is the right place to post, but I gotta give it a try. Here it goes:
My name is Alice, I'm a 22yo med student from Brazil. Since age 1, I used to do a "funny thing": I banged my head against a sofa cushion, to the sound of music. In medical practice I see that a lot of kids do that in this age, but they usually stop after a few months. The thing is... I never actually stopped.
I know this sounds weird. This is why it took me so long to seek help. Until age 16, I lived with my father, and as long as I was growing up this behaviour started getting embarassing and around age 12 I started doing this only at night, after he went to bed. So that was pretty much my routine: I went to school, studied a lot, and around 10pm I would go downstairs and bang my head to a sofa for half an hour (always in the dark, listening to music). That never really bugged me.
At age 16 I moved to study medschool. I lived in a dorm room without a sofa, so it stopped for two years. At age 18, I broke up with my ex, and I was already living in a place with a sofa. I remember feeling very lonely and abandoned - a feeling that really hurts me, probably because I was abandoned by my mother at age 3? - and it was automatic: I started banging again. This was 2012, and during that year, "headbanging" was what I did the most. I live by myself, so I didn't need to do it only at night; actually, I spent most of the time doing it. By the end of the year I had an illness in my cervical spine, but never mentioned any of this to my doctor. This made me reduce the banging and actually acknowledging I had to stop this.
Since 2012, I've been trying to stop. I seeked help: shrinks, family, a couple friends, medication, even transcranial magnetic stimulation (I did the full treatment). This has somewhat helped, but never actually solved the problem. When I'm alone at home, I feel this incredible urge to bang my head against the damn sofa (and if there isn't a sofa, a pillow in the wall is just fine). It's not only when I feel anxious or sad; it's also when I feel euphoric, tired or energetic. I've tried to identify a thought or emotional pattern that would lead to this urge, but in all these years I failed to do so. It's almost like an addiction.
Bottomline is... I'm 23 years old, I'm almost a doctor, and I keep repeating a behaviour I have since age 1. It takes a lot of time and it also hurts my neck. I'm also afraid that I develop some neurological illness due to this repetitive behaviour.
Any help is welcome. Really. Talking to strangers in an online forum is probably the only thing I haven't tried yet.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC.

It reminds of my nephew who ever since any of us can remember has been a rocker. As a baby he would do it for hours just sitting on the floor and rocking on his butt furiously. He is 12 and still does it but in a rocking chair. Any rocking chair around he will go straight to it and rock pretty fast.

I guess it is a very comforting behavior for him. His parents were really worried for a long time but it seemed to not be as bad as he got older but he still does it in the chair alot.

Sounds like it is something very comforting to you for whatever reason. I dunno how to stop it. Maybe by trying to replace it with some other comforting behavior. I know repetitive motions and sounds are very comforting to me and probably everyone to some degree.

Maybe try posting your story in this forum and see what kind of feedback you get. Not saying you have this disorder but it sounds compulsive.

OCD and Trichotillomania - Forums at Psych Central

hello, and welcome to PC.

hope this forum helps you

[Pflaumenkeks]

Hi, The first thing that I had in mind was stimming? (Wikipedia -> Stimming if unknown) if so I know a lot of people who were able to change their stim and there are even stimtoys available, maybe something there could work?

[Open Eyes]

A lot of people develop strange habits of trying to rid themselves of anger. A young child might pick up the habit of head banging because they gain a sense of relief from the anger.

I was at my daughter's one night for dinner and she had this little doll, it was just a rag doll called the damit doll. It was designed as a doll to be used when someone is just so angry they fill with energy they don't know what to do with and can take the doll and wack it on things, the wall, the floor, etc.

I think what you need to understand the most is why you practice this so you can find something to do that works just as well. It is an attempt to rid yourself of anger which brings excess energy you did not know what to do with.

[-jimi-]

I agree on stimming.

I actually think I would be in better mental health if I had been allowed to stim.