[KUFF]

hello all, was hurt in violent rascist attack 20 years ago this month resulting in p.t.s.d. for last 15 yrs.
been advised ''total forgiveness'' of perpretators is a very liberating thing to do which will probably help my health but still finding it difficult as i feel i've ''lost'' 20 years of my life to health problems.
quite religious and very spiritual person but to completely forgive even after such a long time still feels very difficult.
anyone any thoughts, advice or success stories .....
kuff.

[Little Lulu]

I am sorry for your experience but thank you for bringing up this topic as it is an important one. All of us have been victims to one degree or another and all of us have been transgressors, as well. I tend to forget that part when I'm angry for a wrong done to me.

Forgiveness is a process and not a one-shot deal for most people but you probably already know that. Here is an, in my opinion, a link to an excellent article on the topic. It does have a religious slant, just so you know or any other reader knows.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=...4AO_K3mje9xwJw

I like the idea of service to others as a means for healing as the article mentions. Service and moving on with our own lives in positive ways helps move us out of that defeating 'victim' place and gives us the spiritual power to be the people we are meant to be, strong, capable and productive citizens.

I hope you find the healing you are searching for and create the fulfilling life you are seeking. Blessings to you.

[LucyD]

It's hard to forgive when you have been suffering for many, many years as a result of what someone did. It has been very, very hard for me. Remember, if you want to forgive it is up to you and it is also up to you when. You didn't ask for the heartbreak of what happened. You may be having some feelings that may be preventing you from forgiveness still. I had a therapist suggest forgiveness after a short time in therapy when I still had a lot of anger. It took me some time to work through all that anger and then there was the terror I felt..That was instilled in me and took much to get out of me. I'm just saying it is not anyone's place to tell you when to feel you have to forgive; it is totally up to you and how you feel. All the best to you.

Although I haven't forgiven my mother for doing it I have been able to forgive my brother for being on the receiving end of her blatant favouritism. After all, he didn't ask for it to happen. Still I grew up with a great deal of resentment for the fact he enjoyed and took advantage of it happening.

It actually took being trapped together in a cabin while it poured and poured outside to sort things out. It started out quite a 'lively' conversation. In the end he made a heartfelt apology and I found forgiveness. What a release to me emotionally from being able to do that. We now have a very close relationship. He is actually one of my greatest supporters to my health and welfare.

As for mom, I am working on it. Therapy is helping. It has started with challenging thoughts of shame and that I even might have deserved her actions. Those beliefs have changed to that of knowing I deserved better and that it was she who had the problem. I can see where therapy is going with this. One important thing of note is that I no longer resent the suggestion that I do forgive.