[miss_useless]

A few years ago I attacked a member of staff at school then I dropped out and vowed never to leave my house again on my own. After a lot of therapy I did go out again for a couple of months but lost confidence especially as the therapy never addressed the real problem and it doesn't matter who I go to they only focus on raising my self esteem or reducing my anxiety or easing the depression and tell me to take meds but I want to know why I did what I did, to be so meek and timid for my entire life to just blow up like that is not normal but no one can tell me why it happened and what the chances are of it happening again until I know these things then I must not go anywhere on my own.

[Trippin2.0]

Usually, an uncharacteristic blow up, is the result of holding things in over a long period of time, all the while appearing meek and timid. When in reality you're probably seething on the inside.


That's happened to me, on more than one occasion.


My solution is to speak my mind, say my piece, when the situation calls for it. No more bottling things up while appearing to keep my cool.


So far so good, its been years since the last (very dangerous) blow up.

Originally Posted by miss_useless

A few years ago I attacked a member of staff at school then I dropped out and vowed never to leave my house again on my own. After a lot of therapy I did go out again for a couple of months but lost confidence especially as the therapy never addressed the real problem and it doesn't matter who I go to they only focus on raising my self esteem or reducing my anxiety or easing the depression and tell me to take meds but I want to know why I did what I did, to be so meek and timid for my entire life to just blow up like that is not normal but no one can tell me why it happened and what the chances are of it happening again until I know these things then I must not go anywhere on my own.

I think you were suppressing your emotions because of your anxiety and depression. That's why you exploded like that. I think you need to try to express your feelings in acceptable ways; sports, arts, writings, venting, ... etc. I feel that you have unexpressed anger inside you. You just need to learn how to channel it for your own benefit.

I completely agree

[shabur]

I was raised with the adage "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all", so all I knew was to hold in my feelings. My mother was also a narcissist which was in congruent with what she was teaching.

It led to a very difficult life and I eventually lost it...depression, anxiety, ptsd, ...
Now, if I am unable to speak my mind, I journal to get those feelings out and I vent to my therapists.

OK, good. Journaling is one way. For me I write here in these forums.

[nicoleflynn]

A book I found very helpful; Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud. There is a middle ground between blowing up and remaining meek. A good therapist can help you and drugs will only mask the problem.

[eskielover]

Knowing the emotions you were keeping in before you blew up would be a good place to start. What are the things that make you angry that happened in the earlier years of your life? All could be helpful at pointing out what it was that was bothering you when you blew up

Most of my life I fought with my parents so I didn't keep stuff bottled up (or so I thought).....then the same things continued to bother me in my marriage so I thought I was the problem. By the end of my 33 years in the marriage, I was actually seeing RED any time I had to deal with my H. I got into battles with him that ended up being more than just words.

When I got away from that environment, it was amazing how quickly that overloaded anger was dispersed. Good therapy & then my own ability to integrate the issues I had experienced helped my understanding.

You really need to get into understanding your emotions & what feelings you were & have been feeling & let yourself grow from there. It's amazing as things sort themselves out the things that bother us do also.