Ever feel like that?

I absolutely don't fit in this world, even with those of my kind. I'm regarded as over the top, faking, making it up, acting,.... WHY.???

F this..I/we want singular happiness....denied forever and always. No happiness for you.

Secret: Our days are ending because why and what's the point.

Our normal is your nightmare. Our puzzle piece is not of this world.

So tired of trying to relate when everyone wants to condemn you as pretending....not fitting into their idea as to how to be a certain illness even though they aren't as bad off as you....segregated and ridiculed, even with family and friends. What's the point?

On pause.

[here today]

Sorry you feel like this. Thanks for posting it, I can certainly relate.

just wondering if you've considered or engaged in therapy? Perhaps something that works specifically on core negative beliefs such as the CBT model.

[Travelinglady]

I can relate, too. But I am learning to be myself, whether that's unusual or not. Don't reject yourself. Okay?

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Ever feel like that?

I absolutely don't fit in this world, even with those of my kind. I'm regarded as over the top, faking, making it up, acting,.... WHY.???

F this..I/we want singular happiness....denied forever and always. No happiness for you.

Secret: Our days are ending because why and what's the point.

Our normal is your nightmare. Our puzzle piece is not of this world.

So tired of trying to relate when everyone wants to condemn you as pretending....not fitting into their idea as to how to be a certain illness even though they aren't as bad off as you....segregated and ridiculed, even with family and friends. What's the point?

On pause.

Ever feel like that? Every day for the past 19 years.

Even though I had been seeing a pdoc virtually every week for those 19 years, even though I had been told that my reactions were normal for some, I didn't even know that there were others of my kind. I still don't know that. I can entertain the idea sometimes but when it's me, alone, no one knocking on the door, no one walking outside, how can I know that I'm not alone?

And as far as not fitting? It's not just my brain that can't adapt to a human mood, it's my body as well. I would make a fine Toulouse-Lautrec.

I've experienced happiness. I think that's what makes this long dry spell – this spell that will never see an end – so dreadful is that it will never end until my death. "Denied forever and always."

Are our days ending? I hope so. I hope so for us individually and as a group. I don't wish my madness on anyone. I particularly hope that my son is spared.

That's really the only way to explain it to someone else, isn't it? "What is a normal waking day for me, auntie, is what you experience when you awaken from your very worst nightmare."

Segregated? Certainly. To the point where it becomes natural. Ridiculed? Yes; even if you've spent days and weeks explaining. Friends and family have abandoned me. Any move you make is suspect. They want you locked away forever. So you lock yourself away. God help you should you have any needs after that.

What I find so funny about my relationship with my therapist is the lengths that I will go to put on a happy face. To make jokes about the ever-increasing severity of my symptoms so that I won't seem crazy. And then I go nuts and it's as if it's out of nowhere.

It would just be too depressing to let him know how I really feel.