[Onward2wards]

When I think about how our brains work, I realize it all comes down to neural impulses and psychological associations we have learned to have. I have found that - with some effort - I can become more consciously aware of what my brain is really doing as it is happening.

By "neural impulses" I mean being aware of what needs I am trying to get met moment to moment - those sometimes fleeting feelings that drive what we do. A lot of this gets obscured by the mental clutter that we all end up dealing with every day. We live in a complicated world with no end of possible distractions.

By "psychological associations" I mean what thoughts and sensations do different external events and chains of thought produce? If I said "Think of a rose. What does that make you think of, what does that make you feel?" what results is a chain of associations you personally have with that specific object, based on your life experiences. You could substitute more emotionally powerful concepts like "family", "friends", "home", "fairness", "success" and the list goes on ad infinitum ... and we all have potentially powerful associations with those concepts as well.

BECAUSE OF these inner impulses and the psychological associations we have, we get behavioral reactions and chains of thought that can spiral off in a lot of different directions. What if some of these reactions take us to places we really don't want to go in, because we have learned fears (negative expectations) and related behaviors that only produce more of what we are afraid of in the first place? That seems to be my problem.

This reminds me of the emotional intelligence concept, and also mindfulness based therapies and psychodynamic therapies, where people are encouraged to identify their emotional states and reactions and "connect the dots" between psychological reactions they are having and what's going on externally and internally. I have found that a lot of what I do is based on apparently hardwired needs and apparently learned fears of some of them going unmet (we all have old baggage from those times when life didn't go too well!), which has resulted in years of ingrained mental and behavioral habits - some of them work well for me, others are a pain in the rear. Once you are aware of these connections and not living on "autopilot" (reacting subconsciously only, living on learned habits whether good or bad, like Pavlov's dog) it seems possible to make better decisions and consciously interfere in the process should you choose to.

In a nutshell, being more aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it has taught me a lot. It is normal and necessary for our minds to automate things. If we didn't, it would become impossible to make a decision or learn anything. Deciphering how this all works for me, and trying to identify and "edit out" the learned reactions that aren't working well for me is useful. It's not easy, but it's worth the effort.

Reading about these kinds of psychological processes in a book or from a therapist is one thing, but finally "getting it", when you realize you have specific and personally meaningful "triggers" both bad and good, understanding where it comes from and how it works moment to moment, is kind of mind blowing.

[avlady]

sounds exciting and even fun even though we are dealing with a problem!!