[TheBoredOne]

I have depression I've had it ever since a psychyatrist(spelling?) asked me a bunch of questions, and had me do tests 7 years ago. I have never felt "happy" I never really felt any kind of emotions for 7 years. I've just felt "numb" on top of that I have social anxiety(which I think the depression brought on) I was told by a psychitrist(spelling?) 4 years ago that I had it. I have no interests in anything really. It's hard for me to make friends and keep them. It's like that, because I can't relate to them. The depression makes me feel messed up and it's always on my mind, and it feels to me that it takes space up in my mind from everything else. Like, I get extremely anxious around others, people always ask me(when I do end up going places to hang out) what's wrong. But I don't get it, I'm not even feeling anything why does everyone think I look sad? It bothers me. I always feel like the friends that I do have only pretend to like me(I'm not really open about my depression with any of them) I always fake that everything is ok. My parents and aunt are judgemental about my mental illness. They say I'm autistic but I'm really not. I have no problem talking to people, it's just I can't. I try but I can't keep a conversation going, because when I'm not hanging with others, I'm thinking of the depression and I have no interests in any fun type of activites and the anxiety is from the depression making me feel like I'm not important enough and that if I say anything people will talk behind my back and just act like my friend when they're with me. I'm not allowed to see a counsellor right now so I try dealing with this all on my own. Why are some so judgemental if they don't understand it?

[handheart]

I am not an expert on this field but you must find a way to grow your self esteem as this will chage your way of beying and will transform you also .Try also to not let anxiety to control you as it wants you to feel bad no pozitive feelinfs etc .

Are people being judgemental (this would inferr they are aware of your illness) or are they in fact just fumbling attempts to show understanding and concern?

There are therapies out there that can do wonders with improving your sense of self worth. This can often be the source of depression and anxiety. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) was extremely helpful for me. It also armed me with some great coping skills. There are a number of self-help books out there on which you can work on alone. I reccomend CBT for Dummies (yes a horrible title but I really got a great deal out of it). It is basically a compendium of all the best books out there.

I'm concerned about your being barred from help. Could you elaborate on that? If it is that you are a young person, talking to a school counsellor would be very helpful.