I've got an old college friend who I haven't seen for years, ever since she went off the rails around graduation, over 20 years ago. We kept in touch by phone and letters, and I later heard from her parents and big sister that she'd been diagnosed with schizophrenia. But she lived at the other end of the country to me, I'd just got a new job - it all sounds like feeble excuses, I know. I just didn't know what to do for her. I stuck to writing and postcards and stuff, but last year, I heard she'd moved south, to the part of the country I live in. Still a 2 hour drive, but closer. I also heard she's now IP at a long term facility and I've been making arrangements to visit. She's out of crisis but unstable on meds, and has lost too much weight.

What can I bring her? I'm going to ask fo guidance too, but from anyone who's been IP, what would you like the most? She's not allowed a phone but I would like to get her some books and food. Thing is, what type of books and food? Any suggestions would be most welcome.

Thanks for any replies.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

I've got an old college friend who I haven't seen for years, ever since she went off the rails around graduation, over 20 years ago. We kept in touch by phone and letters, and I later heard from her parents and big sister that she'd been diagnosed with schizophrenia. But she lived at the other end of the country to me, I'd just got a new job - it all sounds like feeble excuses, I know. I just didn't know what to do for her. I stuck to writing and postcards and stuff, but last year, I heard she'd moved south, to the part of the country I live in. Still a 2 hour drive, but closer. I also heard she's now IP at a long term facility and I've been making arrangements to visit. She's out of crisis but unstable on meds, and has lost too much weight.

What can I bring her? I'm going to ask fo guidance too, but from anyone who's been IP, what would you like the most? She's not allowed a phone but I would like to get her some books and food. Thing is, what type of books and food? Any suggestions would be most welcome.

Thanks for any replies.

most inpatient long term facilities have rule of what can and cant be brought in to the patients, especially if the patent is not stable with their treatment program.

my suggestion is the first visit just take yourself. you stated you havent had face to face contact for over 20 years, let your friend get to know you face to face with out having the added stress of checking with the staff about any books and food you may have brought. it can be embarrassing to people to have to tell someone they havent seen in years they cant have something or that the day of the visit something happened that resulted in more restrictions on the unit or in your friends treatment. after you are face to face with this friend you will be discussing things like what books and food they like and wish they could have/ wish for you to bring them.

KFC was probably my most favourite 'gift'. Actually, the most important thing I got from people was time. Playing a game of cards, taking a walk around the facility, even just sitting and not even conversing. This was the most valuable thing people brought - themselves.

Next was personal care products - which you should discuss with the staff. Most of what they do have to give you is donated and not the best stuff. Nice shampoo and deodorant were what I wanted most. Laundry detergent was great too. They had machines we could use but were always out of detergent and before someone brought me some I had to make do with running my clothes without any.

I think the best thing someone got me was a colouring book and pens. I was IP for 6 weeks that time and that really helped to pass the time much better than anything else.

Really though I was never that bothered about getting gifts, it was just nice to see a friendly face and know I wasn't on my own. IP is a very lonely place.

I have been an IP several times, and to just have had a friendly visitor was the greatest gift I could have asked for. Most of the times that I was an IP I had no visitors (and I've had IP stays as long as 91 days). During visiting hours I would stay in my room instead of sit at a table by myself while almost everyone else had a visitor.

I would have loved to have had a visitor bring me inspirational books (maybe autobiographies) and chocolate.

[fairydustgirl]

I'm not sure I would have thought of getting anything from a distant friend when I was IP...all I wanted was warm things...my jacket, my blanket and my pillow from home. I was freezing the whole time I was there and didn't want to sleep on their sheets...I slept on top of the covers with my blankie from home.

A new book, a composition book without spirals, crayons might be nice. we were given golf pencils at my hospital, I did a lot of journaling in the little booklet they gave us ..it had puzzles and things in it. nothing sharp, nothing with metal, nothing with zippers

best thing? call ahead to the floor and ask what is allowed.

[possum220]

I like the suggestions that have already been made. Checking first with staff maybe good. Coloring book, journal etc.

The best thing that you can take is yourself.

Originally Posted by Helen Back

I have been an IP several times, and to just have had a friendly visitor was the greatest gift I could have asked for. Most of the times that I was an IP I had no visitors (and I've had IP stays as long as 91 days). During visiting hours I would stay in my room instead of sit at a table by myself while almost everyone else had a visitor.

I would have loved to have had a visitor bring me inspirational books (maybe autobiographies) and chocolate.

same, helen. never had a visitor come in to see me

the only people that could, if they wanted to, are my family- but they don't bother with me, not bothered with me for ever

for me, i think my number 1 priority would be clean clothes, followed by something nice to drink or eat

or even a phonecall so i know people care, but no... not even that

when i was IP over christmas 1 year, it was such a lonely time. not a single person on the outside cared. not 1

Oh, about books... those are difficult to give as you won't know what to get them. Besides, my hospital had a hospital and I was able to keep well read. The colouring book sounds super.

Different types of puzzle books like crosswords, sudokus etc. Don't take very difficult ones and try to take a few different types - for example a Japanese puzzle book (or similar), a Sudoku one and a Crossword one.

Or a Jigsaw puzzle? Wasgij (yeah, that's Jigsaw backwards) puzzles are especially fun - namely, you don't get the picture of what you're trying to create beforehand.

And I don't know if it's allowed, but maybe a small potted plant? I really enjoy(ed) a little bit of green in my room.

[Unrigged64072835]

I would probably spend the first visit finding out what she wants. Then bring those items the next visit. Or call her ahead of time and ask her. It would be easier than bringing her things she doesn't want.

[*Laurie*]

If I brought anything, I would bring a snack that she likes and a new, light-weight blanket or 'throw'.

This made me happy in IP...I have done the same for others in IP with good results. Experience from my POV, which I believe is reflective of my friends:

Last IP, my SO brought adult/mandala coloring books with gel pens. I was happy they approved the pens.

He also brought books, as I am a reader - but, I simply wasn't well enough to read.

Some of the other patients liked my coloring book so the staff made photo copies for others. We shared the pens and it was a relaxing group atmosphere. The art therapist used it for group one day.

I make adult coloring books part of my self-care regimen daily. I highly recommend it!

[Anxietygirl74]

When I was inpatient, I would have liked a coloring book and coloring pencils or books and magazines (but you would have to find out what kind she liked). Where I was, they didn't allow phones or social media so that was pretty much all I had. They have groups and things that you go, too, but there's some down time, too, and I was grateful to have things to keep me occupied during those times.

i was on a trauma and eating disorder unit. my best friend snuck me in diet drinks in regular drink bottles

[possum220]

Just wondering Little Cat if you have been to see your friend yet?

Originally Posted by possum220

Just wondering Little Cat if you have been to see your friend yet?

Yes I did, I went last weekend. Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I've visited her before when we were students, and I was quite scared, so I didn't take in much. This time I'm a lot older and have had MI myself so it felt different. Although we haven't physically seen eachother for a long time, we did keep in touch as best life allowed.

She was in a high secure ward so I had to ring ahead and get permission for everything. I knew she wasn't eating so I didn't think I'd try chocolate or snacks. But I took colouring books and pencils, some crossword puzzles and a Kindle. I was so shocked when I saw her. Maybe she felt the same. We last saw eachother when we were skinny 20 year olds and now we're both middle aged women, with glasses and grey hair. She looked so sad. So thin. So tired. She was so bright when we shared a house together in the 80s. Not just academically, but in her spirit. I hate what her illness has done to her. It was hard to talk because whatever she was on made her really sleepy and she zoned out a lot. But we hugged and cried. I'm going to visit her again, but without sounding selfish - it's not about me, she's the one who's ill - it was hard. Time passes by so fast.

My heart goes out to anyone and everyone who's been so ill they've had to go IP.

You're a good friend.

[possum220]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Yes I did, I went last weekend. Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I've visited her before when we were students, and I was quite scared, so I didn't take in much. This time I'm a lot older and have had MI myself so it felt different. Although we haven't physically seen eachother for a long time, we did keep in touch as best life allowed.

She was in a high secure ward so I had to ring ahead and get permission for everything. I knew she wasn't eating so I didn't think I'd try chocolate or snacks. But I took colouring books and pencils, some crossword puzzles and a Kindle. I was so shocked when I saw her. Maybe she felt the same. We last saw eachother when we were skinny 20 year olds and now we're both middle aged women, with glasses and grey hair. She looked so sad. So thin. So tired. She was so bright when we shared a house together in the 80s. Not just academically, but in her spirit. I hate what her illness has done to her. It was hard to talk because whatever she was on made her really sleepy and she zoned out a lot. But we hugged and cried. I'm going to visit her again, but without sounding selfish - it's not about me, she's the one who's ill - it was hard. Time passes by so fast.

My heart goes out to anyone and everyone who's been so ill they've had to go IP.

Thanks for the update Little Cat.

The best present you took in was yourself.

Seeing people we have known years ago and then seeing the changes that have happened down the years is daunting at times. Time does not stand still even though we wish it did. Kudos to you for being brave and visiting your friend. I am sure her heart was warmed that you cared enough to be there for her.

Hope the people who are caring for her are able to help her to find the right path for her to be on and move to a better place.

[sabby]

I'm glad you went to see here Little Cat. What a great gift to give her, your time and energy!

I just had a thought and I don't know if it's feasible or not but how about bringing her some nice note paper with envelopes and some stamps. I don't know if she's able to write anyone or not but she might want to write to you when you are unable to visit her. Like I said, just a thought.

Well in my state in the US (I don't believe we call it IP) patients aren't allowed outside food or anything like flowers.

Books are always a good idea since it can get boring in between group time and meal time. Also photos of things she likes...that's all I can think of that would be allowed to be brought to a psychiatric unit, at least here.

[fishin fool]

A cake with a file in it. Oh wait thats not IP

Originally Posted by sabby

I'm glad you went to see here Little Cat. What a great gift to give her, your time and energy!

I just had a thought and I don't know if it's feasible or not but how about bringing her some nice note paper with envelopes and some stamps. I don't know if she's able to write anyone or not but she might want to write to you when you are unable to visit her. Like I said, just a thought.

That's a great idea! It's how we used to communicate a lot, both coming from a generation that wrote letters. She always used to send me postcards, but they used to worry me a lot. They'd be from all over the world - she had a thing about just getting on a train or a plane anywhere, and catching the first thing she could. They'd be about being followed by the IRA or seeing the Virgin Mary. I've kept them. I hope it won't be too triggering for her if I bought her some writing stuff. I'd like to take some photos of when we were younger but one of the nurses said it'd be too triggering. Her family have pretty much disowned her which is just so sad. I found it hard to keep my **** together when we talked. I want to go again but I need to talk about it with my own T to make sure we don't make eachother feel worse. It's so hard to know what best to talk about too. I finished my degree, did some postgrad work, got a job/ car/ house/ life and she's spent most of her time in and out of IP, homeless, shacked up with guys who were no good for her, just missed going to jail...... I learnt it's not like visiting someone who's sick and chatting about stuff so they feel better. I don't want to shove my life in her face. So I'm going to bring some board games and maybe we can just play monopoly. We had a game of Scrabble online that went on for about 3 years over 3 continents. Sometimes I'm amazed she's still alive. I saw her scars and my heart just wept. This illness is such a load of ****. All the things it takes from people. Can't stop thinking about it all. We were 19 living in a big old house and cooking pasta what feels like just yesterday.

Thanks everyone for all your answers and suggestions. I felt sad when I read how few people get a visit from anyone at all. Like things aren't bad enough.