Calling all Liars....

Wondering how liars feel about themselves.

Are they proud they lie to get what they want?

Are they mentally ill (PC talk)?

Do they encourage others to lie for them?

Is lying a form of OCD?

It would be helpful to know the context.

Does it matter??

I have never been much of a liar, but I can think of at least one time when I mentally justified a lie by telling myself it was no big deal since I would gain something without taking anything away from anyone else...but then later it turned out that I was the only one ultimately hurt by my own lie. So in at least that kind of way, I would say a liar is at least selfish, self-centered and foolish.

It absolutely does matter.

You are making a blanket statement which both you and I know not to be true. I am going to assume that having disagreements or failed expectations is the source of this notion. If this is the case, perhaps you might wish to evaluate and adjust your expectations accordingly.

Obviously you have been hurt and the emotional fall-out is intense; but, to throw everyone into the same basket might be a bit much.

As I suggested above, evaluate the circumstances and determine if your feelings stem from intentional hurt, unintentional hurt, misunderstandings(s), or perhaps a difference of opinion and expectations.

If you conclude that these instances were truly intentional acts to hurt you then you need to cut off contact with the individuals.

Everyone lies.

I personally lie to simplify. Or to get out of trouble. That stuff.

Most of all I blame other things when I don't wanna do something or can't do them cuz I'm too ill or I am too mentally tired. Like no I can't come visit cuz I have already promised to to (this), instead of saying it would kill me to travel feeling this crummy. Don't want them to know how sick I am.

I don't go make up stories for fun.

Not everyone lies.

Reply to justafriend.

I don't see where you think I'm making a blanket statement.

I have evaluated my own situation and have determined that people lied to intentionally hurt me. All evidence leads to that conclusion.

I have also cut them out of my life. Sadly, it turned out to be many people.

Who does NEVER EVER lie?

Me for one.

I can't answer for anyone else.

Do you ever lie by omission or dodge difficult questions?

Is this directed at me?

I know you enjoy an argument, jimi. I'm just not going to play today.

I do not lie. 'Nuff said.

I can feel what you feel I have been lied to so many times It seems to be the American way now from lawyers, doctors, family members, extobe wife would just omit details of life events that's not really lying right the people in powerful government positions and presidents We never had sex she .........Monica and president Bush I'm a liar too my dog never lies but he did steal a ball from another dogs yard yesterday and I didn't take it back so I'm a thief too but cooper likes it so much. True story

No I don't, but thanks for making me look bad.

Would that be a lie or might you really want us to believe...ah, never mind!

If you might recall Arlo and "Alice's Restaurant"...

"I cannot tell a lie, so yes, Officer, I put that letter under that pile of garbage."

In my own case, however, it is my Asperger Syndrome that makes it virtually impossible for me to ever intentionally misrepresent known-to-me fact.

...some of whom seem able to do that with no forethought whatsoever. They just look at whatever they have and then adapt the story as perceived necessary for a win and then go tell it. Many years ago an attorney told a judge I had extended shackles and "cheater slicks" on the back of my '64 Impala...but that car had coil springs, not leafs, and those tires were merely bald Firestone 500s!

No idea. Just feel like crap now.

You know the stupid autistic idiot who doesn't understand they can't ask questions because it will be taken the wrong way. Just as always.

IDK why I even try mixing with people.

Yes, and that happens for me sometimes, but keep posting anyway!

My answer didn't need clarification by me.

"I don't lie" is to be taken at face value.

Xenko, I'm sorry for the slight threadjack. I hope you get more answers that apply to your situation. You sound hurt and I'm sorry about that. I hope things improve for you.

((((HUGS XENKO))))
I'm very sorry that you feel like the people you trusted let you down that is always a horrible feeling
As far as lying goes..I believe at some point or time or another everyone has lied about something.even if it was just once and about something seemingly small or unimportant...does it make it alright??.. probably not. And ESPECIALLY NOT IF THE PERSON WAS DOING SO FOR SELFISH REASON KNOWING THAT NOT TELLING THE TRUTH WOULD/COULD GREATLY HURT ANOTHER...Lies lead to mistrust. Honestly is always the best policy, but there are occasions where people do lie unselfishly. These lies are generally taught to us by society. Manners for example.
If you are invited to dinner at someone's house. And this person spent a lot of time and hard work to put a meal on the table. Even if you are chocking down every bite bc it's horrible or something that you hate. You still eat it a graciously as possible and thank the host for a wonderful meal! Is this a lie? Yes. But does it make you a liar or a bad person. Absolutely not! In fact, quite the opposite. Because you are not lying to gain anything, hurt anyone, or get away with anything...you are only thinking of the others feelings completely. That kind of lie is not wrong.

Another ex: Christmas is here. Someone gives you a present. They watch you open it with great anticipation and say" I saw this and thought __ will love this.." and so what if you don't like it are you going to say so??!! Saying you love it is a lie technically but the other person put time and effort into picking it out and it would only hurt them to hear you say they got it all wrong. Do you say thank you it's lovely! That is not wrong. Do you know how many of us have worn items made out of elbow macaroni??!! And told our children how much we love the necklace, bracelet, tie pin etc...?? Of course these things are not a fashion statement we would see love and buy for our selves ever! But are you going to tell the child you think it's hideous?! And not wear it? Not say you love it? Not say it's beautiful??!! Of course not! Are you lying when you say how much you love the item its self? Yes.... But, when you say you love it and it's beautiful and wear it. You are honestly saying I love you, you're beautiful, and I'm proud to be the recipient of a gift of the heart!

Do I agree that unfortunately too many people lie without good intentions?? Unfortunately yes. A lot of people do. Good people regret these lies. They eat away at their souls. They come clean eventually if possible and apologize..or they try to make up for their short comings in another fashion.
Some people tell lies but don't intend to hurt anyone, but unfortunately they can be shortsighted and not able to see at the time how they hurt another If someone you care about does that. It's best to tell them that their action statement etc..hurt you. Otherwise resentment and mistrust will grow. People too often in today's world are so busy worrying about their own crap, that they simply are ignorant to other's needs and feelings This does not make them right but it doesn't nesacarily make them horrible bad people either.... it just makes them human I guess??...

Then there are lies that people convince themselves that they are telling to Not Hurt the other person, and most people who tell these lies truly don't want to hurt the other person, but in fact they all ready have, and the lie they tell is to cover up their misdeeds or avoid further damage...there is some selfishness in these lies, but depending on the situation lying may be the best course of action. This is greatly dependant on the situation...
Ex: A spouse cheats or to some degree goes outside the boundaries of their relationship. This person may carry this indiscretion to their grave in order to save their marriage, and convince themselves they are doing this for unselfish reasons. The act was selfish and the lie is not completely unselfish either..so is the lie right or wrong? Most likely wrong. But depending on the situation and the true nature of the person...if they are truly sorry good and remorseful...they will eventually either end up telling their spouse the truth or if it is never called into question...they may hold their wrong doing inside and learn from it and hold themselves to a much higher standard to make sure they never stray again. I personally don't think the second course of action is ever right, but I can see for others where it may be. Not everyone's relationships are the same and some people would rather never know.. so in those people's relationship the lie may be for the best for both of them.
But if the spouse feels something is amiss and asks the other or stars to feel mistrustful and the cheater still lies then that is WRONG, HURTFUL and SELFISH!

But then look at a relationship that is already for other reasons ending.... one or both parties,are already done, angry and/or hurting greatly from the demise of their relationship... One party packs their things and is walking out the door..then turns around and says "oh! And by the way...I cheated on you too."..this may be a situation where telling the truth is a selfish act that only serves to further harm the other.. so in that situation maybe telling truth is wrong and hurtful malicious and spiteful and just plain unnescary. If it were me I'd want to know the whole truth regardless of the pain it may cause me...but that is my personal feelings..others would not want to know.

And then there are just bad people who do bad things and lie about them without regard to anything but their own selfish needs or self preservation.
And there are others who are not bad people but because of their fears and life experiences have developed lying as a defense mechanism. Is this wrong?? Yes...but most likely they know it is wrong and unhealthy...and hopefully get help to break this habit and find better healthier defense mechanisms.

So I guess the moral of my TL;DR rant is this...just like everything in life...lies run over a very broad spectrum. And it is a harsh judgement to label a person a liar without more introspection.

(((Leejosepho))) be still my heart!! Thank you for this!
From, a Proud Life long Member of The Group W. Bench!

I lied about somrthing pretty major and hurt a lot of people. I did it because I had a serious underlying need and I did not believe I could have gotten that need met without lying. At the time I did it, I can honestly say I never thought about how it would affect other people. I was just happy that I was getting my need met so much that I never stopped to think about it. Actually I fooled myself as much as anyone else, because I believed I was who I said I was.

In the aftermath, I lost a lot of people who I loved and still love dearly. I hurt a lot of people, and I hate myself for it. How do I feel about myself? I can hardly look in the mirror everyday.

Form of OCD, no idea. I know there's such thing as pathological liars. Not all of them are proud and sadistic/entirely selfish when they lie.
I'm sorry that all those people did that to you. Wish there was something I could say to help.

Good post Lost ^

I am so upset for the LONGEST TIME because PEOPLE LIED TO ME without any regard for how I would feel or how it would affect me.

WHY?? I want to know WHY?? People have been LYING TO ME FOR YEARS FOR NO GOOD REASON.

I was a friend to these people. They had no Good reason to LIE to me. For what??? I never hurt them. THEY ARE CRUEL MEAN PEOPLE.

My T lied to me for SELFISH REASONS. He wanted to MAKE CONNECTIONS AND FEEL IMPORTANT. and the idiots he contacted about me fell HOOK, LINE AND SINKER for his LIES. I am beside myself but no one, absolutely NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME!!!

ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE SELFISH!! NOSEY BUSY BODIES!! I HAVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH THEIR NONSENSE FOR YEARS!!!

WHO AM I LEFT WITH?? NO ONE!!

In the scheme of things there are far worse crimes than lying...The Majority of animals lie & deceive for advancement or self preservation, people are no different...it's part of being human.

I am sorry you have been hurt, but take this on board as a life lesson with the knowledge that the need for survival is inherent in all living things...deception is just a part of that survival.