[PsychNitrous]

I know that no one here can offer any diagnosis or anything for what I'm experiencing, I just want to post this to get some feedback. I'm wondering how far out of the "norm" my experiences are, and if others have experienced similar things or not. I apologize in advance for this being long, it was hard to get everything typed out without being too wordy.

I've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder for years now, since I was in high school (over 10 years ago). I know that it's a problem, but there are occasions when I become overly paranoid. I've always assumed that it's just part of my anxiety, but I know there are parts of my experience with paranoia that other people don't go through. I've never really talked about this stuff with other people, so I really have no way of defining my experiences other than just what I experience. I am definitely planning on bringing this up with my therapist, but I still have another week before I see her, so I was hoping to get some thoughts from people here.

There are the occasional periods when I feel very intensely that I'm being watched or I'm in danger. I've experienced it a lot of the time when I'm outside, usually at night but sometimes during the day. The last time I can remember experiencing this was at work a couple of weeks ago. I usually work until about 8 at night, and on this particular night I decided to go out and start my car before I left so it could warm up. I can't remember if there was really anyone around, our receptionist may have left early that night, which would have left me the only person on this side of the building. It's a large building, so being the only employee in this wing means that no one is around to see or hear me if something were to happen. That information isn't really relevant to the parnaoia I felt, I just wanted to set the scene. I've had the same experiences when getting home at night at my parents' house, and they could hear anything from inside. Anyways, on this night I remember walking out to my car and starting it, with nothing unusual happening. I didn't see anyone, didn't hear anything, nothing. But on the way back to the building, I just got this overwhelming feeling that someone was in the parking lot or next to the building, and they were watching me and intended to hurt me. It was a strong enough feeling that I almost ran back to the door, and when I got inside I pushed the door closed instead of letting the springs pull it shut, just in case someone was there. Like I mentioned, I've had this experience in other places as well, even with people around enough to hear or see me. I've felt the same fear when walking to my car at a store, or just getting home from somewhere at night. This night at work is just one example.

I sometimes get strong paranoia of being watched at home too. This experience is what is really making me question my paranoia now. Sometimes my feelings are minor, and they don't happen often at home. I don't always feel completely safe at home, especially now that I live in my own place, but there are rare occasions. The one incident that has come back up happened a couple of months ago. I got up one morning when my boyfriend left for work, as we usually do, and was heading back to bed for a couple hours. On this particular morning, I happened to notice a small hole in the paint on my bedroom wall. It wasn't anything big, it was like a pin point, or maybe somewhere someone thought about putting a nail in, just leaving a small mark in the paint. But this particular day I became convinced that someone was using this hole in the wall to watch me. I was so uncomfortable, I laid down in bed for a little while, but had to get back up because I was so afraid of this hole in the wall. Eventually I got a piece of masking tape to put over it, and haven't had any issues with that specific fear since. But I can definitely recognize that my fear was exaggerated and unnecesary.

I can't figure out where these fears could be from. I've never had any problems being outside at night, and even with this occuring at work I've never had any fear for myself there. I've never been assaulted in a parking lot or anything like that, thankfully people tend to leave me alone (I'm pretty socially awkward and shy). I've never caught anyone spying on me in any situation, or had any reason to suspect it was happening anywhere. I'd make the assumption that this paranoia started when I moved into my apartment, because it's been really hard to find safety there. But I've had experiences like the first one for years, since long before I moved out. Does anyone have any ideas about this? Is what I'm experiencing mostly "normal", or could it be indicating some other kind of problem besides my anxiety?

[shadow2000]

Hi,

My opinion on this is that paranoia becomes a big problem when we respond to it in ways that are very unhealthy and/or potentially dangerous. Spending excessive amounts of time thinking about things that we fear when these things are very unlikely to pose any kind of threat isn't something that I'd consider to be healthy, and I'd say that responding in extreme ways to things that are very unlikely to pose a threat would represent taking paranoia too far more than anything else. Based on what I read in your post, I don't get the impression that thinking about your fears consumed very large amounts of your time, nor do I get the impression that putting a piece of tape on your wall or pulling the door at your work shut before it would have otherwise closed amount to responding to your fears in a way that's extreme. Putting the piece of tape on your wall almost definitely wasn't protecting you against any actual threat of you being watched, but considering that you've recognized that your fear in this instance was unnecessary and exaggerated and that putting a piece of tape on the wall is a small, harmless response that sounds like it was done to ease your fears, I wouldn't say that your response in this situation was going too far. Of course, what I've shared here represents my opinion on this matter, so I'd encourage you to listen to other opinions as well, including those that you might receive from other members here on Psych Central and/or those that you might receive from a therapist or other professional.

Take care, and best wishes.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by shadow2000

Hi,

My opinion on this is that paranoia becomes a big problem when we respond to it in ways that are very unhealthy and/or potentially dangerous. Spending excessive amounts of time thinking about things that we fear when these things are very unlikely to pose any kind of threat isn't something that I'd consider to be healthy, and I'd say that responding in extreme ways to things that are very unlikely to pose a threat would represent taking paranoia too far more than anything else. Based on what I read in your post, I don't get the impression that thinking about your fears consumed very large amounts of your time, nor do I get the impression that putting a piece of tape on your wall or pulling the door at your work shut before it would have otherwise closed amount to responding to your fears in a way that's extreme. Putting the piece of tape on your wall almost definitely wasn't protecting you against any actual threat of you being watched, but considering that you've recognized that your fear in this instance was unnecessary and exaggerated and that putting a piece of tape on the wall is a small, harmless response that sounds like it was done to ease your fears, I wouldn't say that your response in this situation was going too far. Of course, what I've shared here represents my opinion on this matter, so I'd encourage you to listen to other opinions as well, including those that you might receive from other members here on Psych Central and/or those that you might receive from a therapist or other professional.

Take care, and best wishes.

Thank you for your thoughts! I often feel like my thoughts aren't anything to be concerned about, because I don't really act out in any excessive way. But, possibly because I already have problems with anxiety, I get worried when I start to recognize how my thoughts/behaviors aren't "normal". I am hoping for more replies here now!

[*Laurie*]

I'm glad you posted this question, because I often wonder the same. I also have what seems to me rather excessive fears about being unsafe...attacked, murdered, whatever. For example, even when I'm taking the short walk to get my mail I lock my apartment door for fear someone will come in and let my cats out and hide in the closet. Even though the door has been securely locked, after I retrieve my mail and unlock the door I sometimes go to the closet just to be sure no one is in there.

I often have the 'feeling' that someone is watching me with bad intentions. I always feel vulnerable when I get into my car, and I lock the doors immediately, as soon as I possibly can.

If I saw a hole in the wall, a tiny hole, I don't think I would feel suspicious, but I can definitely understand why you feel that way.

Anyway, I've often wondered whether I'm paranoid, or whether I am simply reacting to the weird world at a time when crime seems rampant.

So. I wish I had a better answer for you! I don't have an answer, but it seems that either we're both paranoid or we both are reacting to a potentially unsafe world.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

I'm glad you posted this question, because I often wonder the same. I also have what seems to me rather excessive fears about being unsafe...attacked, murdered, whatever. For example, even when I'm taking the short walk to get my mail I lock my apartment door for fear someone will come in and let my cats out and hide in the closet. Even though the door has been securely locked, after I retrieve my mail and unlock the door I sometimes go to the closet just to be sure no one is in there.

I often have the 'feeling' that someone is watching me with bad intentions. I always feel vulnerable when I get into my car, and I lock the doors immediately, as soon as I possibly can.

If I saw a hole in the wall, a tiny hole, I don't think I would feel suspicious, but I can definitely understand why you feel that way.

Anyway, I've often wondered whether I'm paranoid, or whether I am simply reacting to the weird world at a time when crime seems rampant.

So. I wish I had a better answer for you! I don't have an answer, but it seems that either we're both paranoid or we both are reacting to a potentially unsafe world.

I can definitely relate to your feelings. My worries about someone getting into my apartment have subsided since my boyfriend moved in, but I was the same way when I first moved in. I used to have to check all the rooms and closets after I took a shower, just to make sure I was safe.

This seems like a tough issue to find an answer for, and I was hesitant to post, but now I'm glad I did! Maybe someone else on here will have some answers, but I'm glad just to be getting some responses. I know it wasn't meant in a malicious way, but my worries definitely feel weird when my boyfriend laughs at them.

[*Laurie*]

No, I don't think your worries are something to laugh at. I'm kind-of leaning toward the idea that worries like ours come from living in a world in which violence, crime, and harm is somewhat common-place. I think women are especially sensitive to it. My husband (we've been married for 30+ years, but no longer live together) never locks his door when he drives. I keep telling him that he could be car-jacked, that he should lock his door. He doesn't seem concerned. BUT my niece went through a car-jacking in Los Angeles and it was traumatic.

One thing is for sure - my mom was very, very cautious and seemed to be on the verge of paranoia at times. I have wondered if growing up with my mom's fears have had an effect on me being more fearful.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

No, I don't think your worries are something to laugh at. I'm kind-of leaning toward the idea that worries like ours come from living in a world in which violence, crime, and harm is somewhat common-place. I think women are especially sensitive to it. My husband (we've been married for 30+ years, but no longer live together) never locks his door when he drives. I keep telling him that he could be car-jacked, that he should lock his door. He doesn't seem concerned. BUT my niece went through a car-jacking in Los Angeles and it was traumatic.

One thing is for sure - my mom was very, very cautious and seemed to be on the verge of paranoia at times. I have wondered if growing up with my mom's fears have had an effect on me being more fearful.

I think you're interpretation is pretty accurate. I don't remember having safety rules pushed on me more than the average person, but I've never been very in-shape. I've always had fears that if I were to be attacked I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I see similar differences with my boyfriend - he frequently leaves the door unlocked too, both in his car and at home.

[NotDeadYet]

I don't know if I can help you much myself, as I have fears like this myself. Whenever I take out the trash I swear I can see someone watching me or that something is going to attack me. I also have fears of people watching me through the windows in my house or that someone is in my house, it can get so bad that I can get panic/anxiety attacks fearing that something is going to harm me. I also have fears that there are cameras watching me at times. I think can be in part of how you are raised and what messages were being told, like my grandma would warn me about people watching me from the window and it just evolved to believing someone was out there always watching me (even though I lived on the second floor) so that might be why you have your fears?

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by NotDeadYet

I don't know if I can help you much myself, as I have fears like this myself. Whenever I take out the trash I swear I can see someone watching me or that something is going to attack me. I also have fears of people watching me through the windows in my house or that someone is in my house, it can get so bad that I can get panic/anxiety attacks fearing that something is going to harm me. I also have fears that there are cameras watching me at times. I think can be in part of how you are raised and what messages were being told, like my grandma would warn me about people watching me from the window and it just evolved to believing someone was out there always watching me (even though I lived on the second floor) so that might be why you have your fears?

I can't remember having been raised in an overly fearful family, which is part of what is confusing me about these fears. I was given the same warnings about being careful as my friends were, but I don't remember my family going any further than that.

I am in constant fear that some catastrophic disaster will befall me or the ones I love. This consumes me. I hear a phone ring and jump to the conclusion someone is hurt - or worse.

I 'hear' things (usually only around the home) - especially when I am in the shower - that make me think someone is at or inside my door. Something isn't where I normally put it and my first thought is someone has been in my apartment and moved it, etc.

I can't walk down the street or be in a public place without a constant running commentary in my mind that I am being laughed at.

CBT has helped to a great extent - but the ringing phone is still a major problem. Even notifications frighten me. It takes a lot of effort and much hesitation to follow a notification fearing what someone might post. I am convinced it won't be nice to me even though I have no reason to think this.

[*Laurie*]

This thread is interesting and helpful.

I also catastrophize. Hmm. It seems to me that's what being described in this thread is not so much paranoia as it is a combination of fear of our sometimes scary world and catastrophizing...imagining the worst.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by LauraBeth

This thread is interesting and helpful.

I also catastrophize. Hmm. It seems to me that's what being described in this thread is not so much paranoia as it is a combination of fear of our sometimes scary world and catastrophizing...imagining the worst.

Definitely a good point, all this conversation is helping me see that maybe it isn't paranoia. I catastrophize as well. If someone says anything along the lines of "let's talk" or "we need to meet", I assume the worst. It was really bad a couple of months ago when I was having some issues at work, every time my supervisor wanted to talk to me I thought I was being fired.

I'd like to pose another question to those of you who are relating to this thread. I know rational thinking is a good way to combat catastrophizing thoughts, but how do you deal with thoughts that won't go away, no matter how much you rationalize them?

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

I'd like to pose another question to those of you who are relating to this thread. I know rational thinking is a good way to combat catastrophizing thoughts, but how do you deal with thoughts that won't go away, no matter how much you rationalize them?

I wonder the same thing. If anyone has suggestions, I'd sure appreciate them.