[pathologicalliar]

My life has been progressively spiralling out of control for the past two months. My father died, my partner caught up with my lies. All lies were about me and no one else.
He's been trying to be there but I don't understand his method. Suddenly to him everything about me is a lie. People are saying **** to him that I have never ever said but its pointless to argue. My breaking point today was he told me that my dead father is ashamed of me- for giving up on this ( whatever this relationship is). I can't trust him. I want to trust people but I can't and this hasn't been because of my lying, I have had a hard time trusting people since I was a kid and then it got worse after my marriage and divorce.
I feel like I am holding on by a bare thread. I am literally just waiting for my sister to graduate so I can off myself.
I miss my father so much it physically pains me and now to hear my partner telling me he is ashamed of me. I mean I have always been a difficult child but it didn't hit me until today that my father was ashamed of me. He probably has been and there is nothing I can do about it.
I have lost all faith in God and my ability to ever recover and to ever make something out of myself. I had hoped that I hadn't harmed anyone and I had tried to be kind to people, stranger or friend, but I feel completely hollow and empty now. Have I been living a lie this entire time?

[Skeezyks]