[Eleny]

My housemate and I get on really well. We spend alot of time together and we are alike in a lot of ways. But we are also different in lots of ways. The thing is, I've adopted her whole personality and pretend to have the same likes and dislikes because I don't know how to disagree. I even speak and act like her.

Now I feel tired and sad because I feel I've become someone else and I've lost who I am, I have honestly no idea how to be myself or if I even have a self.

Just wondering if anyone can identify or give me any advice? Thank you

[reb569]

Do you think assertiveness training would help? Have you ever tried that?

[subtle lights]

This has happened to me as well lots of times. Losing myself in others, taking on their personality, values, likes, dislikes. Especially when spending a lot of time with someone. The thing is that it doesn't happen on a conscious level, you feel like everything is fine, you think you actually like x thing, just to later realise that all this wasn't you and it leaves you confused, but you cannot control it and the next time you are with someone you lose yourself again.

You could be a highly sensitive person or as some call it, an empath, who picks up other peoples feelings and basically their whole personality sometimes, unconsciously, like a sponge. There are a lot of articles on this, though science is still not clear about how this works. But there are many people who experience similar stuff, and many resources online. If this resonates with you, there are also various things you could do, like mindfulness, grounding practices, body awareness-type meditations or exercises, where you connect to yourself to how you feel in your body so it will be easier for you not to drift away into other people's "worlds".
Hope this made sense, and I'm here if you'd like to talk.

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

This has happened to me as well lots of times. Losing myself in others, taking on their personality, values, likes, dislikes. Especially when spending a lot of time with someone. The thing is that it doesn't happen on a conscious level, you feel like everything is fine, you think you actually like x thing, just to later realise that all this wasn't you and it leaves you confused, but you cannot control it and the next time you are with someone you lose yourself again.

You could be a highly sensitive person or as some call it, an empath, who picks up other peoples feelings and basically their whole personality sometimes, unconsciously, like a sponge. There are a lot of articles on this, though science is still not clear about how this works. But there are many people who experience similar stuff, and many resources online. If this resonates with you, there are also various things you could do, like mindfulness, grounding practices, body awareness-type meditations or exercises, where you connect to yourself to how you feel in your body so it will be easier for you not to drift away into other people's "worlds".
Hope this made sense, and I'm here if you'd like to talk.

Thank you so much for this, it was really reassuring to read and know I'm not alone. I will definitely try mindfulness. Have you tried it in these situations yourself?

A little off topic now, but do you think Mindfulness is a good way to gradually become your own self? I work in a homeless hostel and sometimes the chaos around me can cause me to lose touch with myself completely. I become absorbed in the problems of others. I was actually thinking today maybe I should start grounding myself and paying attention to how I feel in my body, just as you've said above. Do you think it would be a good method to not allow myself to become emotionally drained as well as establish my own sense of self?

Thanks again.

[subtle lights]

Yeah, mindfulness is good for about anything, well, as I understand the main idea around it is to live in the present moment, not in our mind. I used to meditate a lot but lately since I'm depressed I live too much in my mind.
What helps a lot with not being swept away by others' emotions are grounding techniques, you could look these up online, and yeah, what I've found really helpful is to do a short body awareness meditation in the morning for example, and feel the parts of your body, like doing some kind of inventory, from the top of your head down to your toes. Or you can just focus on one part. There are many techniques, but to be honest, being sensitive like that will always make you be more receptive to your environment and if you are for too long in an emotionally draining environment then it will take its toll on you. Hovewer, if you find many ways to recharge yourself, it might balance it out, but in some cases it won't. For example I'm working in an open office environment and I got to a point where I realised that it's too overwhelming for me to work in such a place with constant stimuli and people around and now I'm having axiety issues.

[MickeyCheeky]

Wow, I can relate to this.. although it's a bit different for me. But I can definitely understand how you feel..