[YMIHere]

Forgive me for the length, but I need to explain it all so that you all can tell me if you think I'm overreacting.

So I will probably lose my main dog walking gig because this is the 2nd time I messed up. The FIRST time wasn't really my fault - was a glitch on the Rover app system, but I messed up yesterday and it's bugging me the reason why.

I get my gigs through Rover. When I open the app there's a section for TODAY, pending, etc. The first time I was no show I think it just hadn't updated when I opened it and I didn't realize it. I thought I had no walk for this dog until the owner asked me at like 7 p.m. if I'd been there and I said no, but I opened the app and then there it was. I apologized profusely and the following week I gave him a comp day for the day he already paid for but we never put it through the app. So it looked like I only had 4 walks scheduled but I had 5.

Last week he texted me to cancel a walk because his wife was home. He said he would use it for this week. Technically I could charge him a cancel fee but since I effed up the first time and this guy is the most regular customer I've had, I just let it go. He'd been booking me Tuesday through Friday lately and so he said he would use the comp for Tuesday so he "booked" me Weds through Friday.

I had another customer text me on Monday to ask if I could walk her dogs Monday and Tuesday. This gig is outside of the Rover app. I told her I could and I KNEW I HAD to remember to show up b/c she's a sporadic customer and not on the app. No reminders. I was also thinking it was great that she booked the two days because I WAS LOSING TWO DAYS PAY with the other dog.

So here is the kicker. I think I may not have messed this up had she not booked. Because my gratitude about having another gig for those two days somehow flipped a switch in my head that I did not have my regular Tuesday gig. My brain turned not getting PAID by that guy for two days to not having a WALK for two days.

When this happened last week I KNEW what I was doing. Comping him the day. But yesterday, it's not like I forgot to walk her. I THOUGHT OF HIM. I knew I didn't have to get up early to walk the dog before class.

You could call this a matter of "forgetting" I think if I hadn't thought of the dog at all. But the fact that I did and remembered the whole thing with the WRONG INFORMATION is what scares the hell out of me.

I'm now 46 years old. I started having memory problems in my 30's. I couldn't remember a phone number I'd dialed every day for a year. I mean it was GONE. I tried to remember for hours and eventually had to go rummaging around to find it.

I'll ask you a question, get an answer, and then ask again 15 minutes later. It wasn't just ME noticing. Other people in my life were concerned so I went and got neuropsych testing. Apparently my memory is in line with my peers so there was no concern. It did reveal "slow cognitive processing" which I have used to get extra test time at school, YAY! I can't even remember if I had an MRI done. I'm pretty sure I didn't.

Anyway, I was NOT medicated at the time. I have no insurance and had been struggling for a WHILE without a regular medication regimen. I was taking my Adderall and Trazodone sporadically. I just refilled them all.

So do any of you have any experience with something like this. It FEELS like an incorrect connection. I feel like my brain assimilated the information the wrong way and right now I'm having a hard time remembering the last time this happened but it has happened from time to time. Of course it was never impacting what's left of my livelihood so I'm not remembering those instances now.

Not going to lie, this is a very stressful time for me. Finals are coming, I need to move, my savings are almost gone.

If you or you know someone who has had this type of problem, can you let me know the cause. OR you can just tell me that you all think this is normal but again it's scary for me. I appreciate you hanging in there.

I don't know if it's the same thing, but I have been forgetful (like things just disappear from my brain, totally....I can't find a "connection" in my head), or I remember things differently than what they are (specifically it seems like I'm dyslexic with numbers?).

The thing is, I was not like this before depression and before meds (about 5 years)....I am older than you though.

It's scary. I am worried, too.

My son did the Rover thing and was diligent about it but did have a mixup once.

My suggestion to you is to write down your schedule...you'll have to think, see, write, and read the information. And that might help it "stick"...as well as having it in front of you.