Where am I?

I don't even know. I'm exhausted mentally and nothing is helping. I'm stressed, angry, sad, and quiet today. Usually I sing. Instead, I slept the day away and ate throughout the day only to go back to sleep. I'm lonely and empty despite my boyfriend and despite eating. I have no idea how I feel except numb, or how I should feel. Where am I in my head? I just want to dissapear.

I can relate some of the things you say.. I'm sorry. Must be painful.

i had a migraine for a week now, i think it is the new med i am taking vraylar. has anyone else taken this med and how did you react to it like does it help at all or just bad side effects?

Were you having a bad day. I hope you're feeling better. If not, how long has this been going on? Best wishes.

Yes, I was. It's been persistent for the past almost two months now. I'm okay now, there are small breaks, but it's a slump I cannot get out of. I hate it.

What do you think about going to your doctor or a psychiatrist to see if there's possibly some depression going on?

I'm a bit apprehensive about going to a psychiatrist. I do have a referral to a mental health clinic and need to set up an intake appointment. I'm hoping they can do some psychological testing and refer me for neuropsychological testing. Autism is suspected and my previous diagnosis of borderline personality disorder does not seem "fitting." It is what it is, though, and I need help. I cannot keep doing this and being so anxious and stressed.

I have a strong feeling you'll feel relieved if you at least talk with the psychiatrist.

Not entirely, no. The last time I did up here was almost two months ago, and they refused me service because they said I had BPD and I was just attention seeking. No exaggeration.

Your symptoms aren't BPD. They come from depression. If they tell you BPD again be persistent until you are heard.

Whether or not you have BPD you need some help.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Update from last night: I reached my breaking point. I didn't completely run through it and shatter it like glass. I cried, after 48+ hours of not sleeping, not eating. My boyfriend took me to the hospital and they let me stay the night to make sure I didn't hurt myself. I went over to the health services place and met with a counselor, who talked with me for almost 3 hours. Wednesday I have my full intake and the man said that he wanted me in as soon as possible because of the stuff that is going on. The earliest would have been the 23rd through another counselor, but he's going to do my intake and psych eval.

It feels really liberating? to have people understand and care. It makes this whole mess a lot less painful.

I'm sorry you reached your breaking point but glad you are now receiving the care that you need. I hope you feel better soon.