[wwwcitricacid]

I've been posting threads on this website a year ago, had great feedback which gave me the incentive to go seek help- which was the right thing to do because now the depressed feelings have now mostly subsided.

I am on a daily dose of 50mg of Sertraline, I do believe that this is the right treatment for me and I feel lucky that I have had the right treatment as soon as I was given it.

However there is still one thing that has not gone, and that's my thought blockage. I just want to share about the thought blockage in case any of you have the same thing or maybe to realise its just the way I am, plus I think it would be better to talk about it to strangers as opposed to my family since they will think I am weirder than I already am.

I think I already mentioned my thought blockage in my earlier threads when I was moaning and complaining about the depression, but regardless I think it might be a good idea to share about the thought blockage since I now know that its not related to the depression since the sertraline has taken care of that but not the thought blockage.

For the sake of this explanation, think of your thoughts as a bundle of neurons firing harmoniously or firing in a way that makes your thinking clear enough. When you think you can think easily, there is nothing in the way, you think and your neurons obey, you think and it feels clear in your head.

I mean that's how I remember how thinking used to feel, but I woke up one morning when I was 16-17 I felt an odd pressure on my head like a massive hand trying to crush my skull and also my brain felt like it was grazed all over or been through a cheesegrater. Shortly after that odd morning my thoughts became jumbled, foggy and disobedient then I became very anxious about my health because if that happened to you of course you'd think something is very wrong with you.
In a sense it feels like my mind liberated itself from my control, it is always racing and bothering me especially when I sleep when it makes my dreams go all crazy. When I try to think or use my mind I cannot do it, my mind does not compute and when I try my neurons do not fire clearly but they fire like a rusty door hinge and it aches. I cannot control my thoughts anymore and I cannot think for myself, my brain does that now, it rebelled against me.

That's how it feels anyway, hopefully I have explained it well enough for you to understand at least a little bit. Don't take your lubricated and shiny thought process for granted, because one day your mind too might have to same idea as mine but I doubt it.

I don't think I hallucinate, but because I cannot use my head my head comes up with odd ideas and I do not know whether or not to believe the ideas that my head comes up with.
For example: I had a mild pain in my left-kidney a few days ago, and then I had the idea that my dad wants to control me more than he does already and that he is trying to give me kidney failure so he can implant his kidney with a tracking device in it so he can always know where I am... Its ridiculous, I know its ridiculous but yet it also makes sense to me. I don't know.

Again, I do not hallucinate. I hear or see things when I am in bed or when I am falling asleep or when I am half-asleep but everyone has that and its normal. I don't feel like that during the day, just the thought blockage and its influence that I can mostly ignore.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a nice day.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. I don't have any advice. Justed wanted to lend my support and to let you know that I'm here when you want to talk. Can you run these situations to your pdoc? Best wishes.

[wwwcitricacid]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Hello. I don't have any advice. Justed wanted to lend my support and to let you know that I'm here when you want to talk. Can you run these situations to your pdoc? Best wishes.

Thank you, I appreciate that

Although I considered talking about my thoughts with a doctor or psychiatrist, at the moment I don't think I feel bad enough for me to seek a doctor/psychiatrist but at the same time I think it might be beneficial since I cannot talk about certain things with my family.

If things do get worse or weirder I will definitely go see a doctor, I'm keeping an eye out for anything odd and all.

Talk to you later, maybe.

[Unrigged64072835]

You might want to have a CT or MRI done on your head, if possible, to rule out physical causes. My husband was like this and then started losing vision in his right eye. Turned out he has MS.

[wwwcitricacid]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

You might want to have a CT or MRI done on your head, if possible, to rule out physical causes. My husband was like this and then started losing vision in his right eye. Turned out he has MS.

Uh oh, how long was your husband like that before he started losing vision?