Giving False hope.

Why do people do it? Why,when a friendship goes wrong do people say "He/She will realise who they're true friends are"-because it never happens does it? Look at me-I thought I had a wonderful close friendship with my best friend.We used to be in touch all the time and do things together.Ok,so she then became ill with mental health problems-she told me lies,she nade hurtful excuses about what she could/couldn't do and then finally broke off contact in the most unfeeling way at a time when she knew I needed a friend the most. I don't believe she ever valued me as a person or friend at all .I was simply used. That's the truth of it.So why do people say,"she'll realise who her true friends are" because that's not going to happen is it-she obviously doesn't value me as a true friend- and when people say it it just gives someone in my situation false hope and makes it worse for them.

.Sorry,but I just needed the rant.

{{{{Impala}}}}

i know your hurting right now.. but you said it yourself..."she became ill with mental problems". everyone deals with their problems differently.. some push away those closest to them.
if everything was great before she got sick.. then i believe it was for real and there was no intent to hurt..having a mental illness changes everything in a person..so remember the good times.. and try not to dwell on the bad ones.
maybe one day.. she will realize what she gave away.
goodluck and take care.

dont be sorry... venting helps.

I think people don't know what to say. And they are sorry you're hurting. Seeing others hurting makes us uncomfortable and wanting to rush in and help.

But the truth is that sometimes you just have to feel the hurt. It's there now, in the moment. It hurts. It will get better but right now it hurts. I think it gets better when it's allowed to be instead of being denied or covered up with pretending it isn't there or that it isn't what it is.

I'm sorry you're hurting from the loss of something very important, the feeling of being in a caring friendship.

Hello (((IMPALA))). I am sorry that you are suffering at this time. Mental Illness has a way of isolating even the closest of friends. Have you tried just to send a card or letter to let the person know that you are still there or tried visiting them in person (Call first if you plan on going to visit)? Your friend may be experiencing a sense of loss or feeling isolated that no one wants to be around them at this time due to their mental illness. Ihopeyou are feeling better soon. Take care Impala. Soidhonia

Why do you want to remain friends with this person who has treated you so ill? She may realize her "mistake" but I wouldn't go back to being her friend, she doesn't sound at all stable, much less "nice". You'd have to worry about if she'd do the same thing again?

IMO there are few things that really fall under the "false hope" category. I believe all things are possible with God. But short of that, we really don't know the future. It appears you are the one who has given up totally for any future with your friend. It shows how hurt you are (((hugs))).

I've always said that it's not what we go through, but how we go through it.

Situations change and the only thing that remains constant is our involvement. Try and find a way to move on in your own life, with the glimmer of hope for your friend too. Become stronger within yourself and perhaps your friend will see that strength and allow you to share some of her own heartbreak? She may be wanting to protect you from her misery, or perhaps keeping you from seeing how she really feels (miserable) so that you will stay her friend regardless, with hopes for it to be a good friendship once again.

tc

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Impala...I don't really know what is going on, but I can feel how hurt you are. I hope things get better for you. I wish I could do something to make you feel better. If nothing else, know that I care.

I guess I want to remain friends because I remember how good things were before she got ill.

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I don't believe she ever valued me as a person or friend at all. I was simply used. That's the truth of it.

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Move forward and find someone who will value you and be a "true" friend?

Sometimes things seem good when in fact they aren't. If you felt used, then you probably were.

Even if it's as a result of illness /

I know what you mean, it is hard to tell sometimes. But you may well be hurt again if you talk to this ex friend again...

(friends are ex friends for a reason)

It's never 100% a result of "illness", that's a cop-out. We always have choices, sometimes they're hard, but "using" someone takes time, isn't just one ill choice but a pattern. One can apologize and try to make up for errors of the past but one can never go back; if you disappoint someone (as your friend did you) you can't make that like it didn't happen. But it doesn't sound like she's even saying "sorry" and trying to make things better and it's too long and she's not as sick now, etc. Let her go and maybe, if as your other friends say, she later sees she made bad decisions and choices then she needs to come find you, not the other way around! YOU have done nothing wrong.

Sometimes we have to understand that things are what they are at that time....nothing more in the future......nothing less at the time. We can't control how people are going to act towards us in the future...whether it's their illness or whether it's how they are reacting to something they precieve that we did. Sometimes relationships end without any explaination. It hurts, but we have to go on...there is nothing we can do & it sure isn't something we can FORCE to be the way we want it to be. That is just a fact of life...reality...or what ever you choose to call it

I grew up with one best girlfriend from the time I was in junior high until several years after I got married & she got married. For some reason, we ended up going our separate ways. She was at my fathers funeral & right after that, I was at her fathers funeral. Both our families had also been best friends also....grew out of our friendship. We went camping together....spent vacations together...basically lived at each others houses.

I had my career & she had her biology instructor career at the junior college. Her husband wasn't a very social person & only wanted to socialize with people who had the same interests as he did (masters in biology....my girlfriend also had her masters in biology & teaches at one of the local California junior colleges). I heard through my mother talking to her mother that they had moved to a nice new house......we had already moved into our new house miles away. For some reason, all communications stopped at a point I can't even define. I don't wonder if it was something I did, since I wasn't aroung to do anything. I always wonder how she is...it's hard not to after all those years of being like sisters. But I have to realize that it's over & there is nothing I can do about it.

I chanced to send her an email at her email address at the junior Colleve but no reaponse....so don't know if it got lost, or that she saw it & chose not to respond. Relationships aren't something we can force. We have to accept it for what it is....whether it's because of illness or any of the other 100.s of reasons....it's just a very sad fact of life that we can't controll.....so there are times we just have to leg to & this is one of those times. If it is a relationship that is meant to be, then it will happen in the long run & she will be the one to come around.

I know this isn't the answer you would like to have, but sometimes, we don't want to hear what probably is true,
Debbie

I wish you peace in getting through & over the hurt you are feeling.