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Doc, I'd like to see a page around of links to every article you've written--I really enjoy these! Regarding this one, I don't know how many times I've said that I'm afraid to change my habits. I feel safer with them, but I know in reality that they are bad for me. Change isn't easy.

Reflections On Change
by John Grohol, PsyD

As we age, we begin to enjoy change less and less. As a child, teen, or even young adult, change is seen as fun, exciting, a part of the joy of living. But somewhere along the line, most of us grow to dislike change, especially changes which significantly impact our lives. Human beings, like many animals, are creatures of habit. We enjoy our predictable daily routines to a greater degree than most of us realize.

Yet, in contrast, feeling better about yourself and proper treatment of nearly every mental health and relationship problem requires change. Many times, this change needs to be fairly significant in order to feel the full positive effects of treatment, therapy, or help. Many individuals, when confronted with such an oxymoron, dig their heels in and unintentionally work against their treatment. On one hand, treatment requires change, but on the other hand, most people don't like to change themselves or aspects of their lives. It's a Catch-22.

The worse part about this conundrum is that too many people seek out help from a mental health professional without realizing the substantial effort, energy, and devotion needed on their part in order for treatment to be helpful. There is still a belief that when a person seeks out treatment for a mental disorder such as depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder, treatment is something done to them. They are given a medication and that is all there is to it. But medication is only part of the equation.

Most mental health problems and relationship issues require psychotherapy in order to be fully resolved. The major tenet of any type of psychotherapy method is that the client needs to be a willing participant to change. Change means anything from thinking about things in a different way, to altering specific behaviors, feelings, or attitudes. There is no magic in psychotherapy -- it simply requires the commitment and hard work of both the client, and the therapist.

But change isn't required only in psychotherapy. It is often needed in other aspects of our lives. There are signs you should look for which may signal the need for change in your life:

Feelings of dread or boredom with your life, career, or school; missing a lot of days from classes or work
Feelings of unhappiness whenever you see (or know you are going to see) a specific person in your life
Excessive daydreaming, fantasy, or thoughts of another life throughout the day
Thoughts that you're not good enough, that you'll never amount to anything, that life is meaningless
Acting in an unusual manner around your loved ones (e.g., anger easily when usually slow to anger; anxious when usually calm; quiet when usually talkative)
These signs are not comprehensive, nor do they mean you simply need to stop whatever it is you're doing (e.g., change jobs). They are, however, good things to watch out for as possible signals that something is going on in your life which needs more attention than you're currently giving it. That may mean attention to your feelings, thoughts, or aspects of your life that you've put on "auto-pilot." It may mean taking a simple inventory of your life and trying to arrange things in a more meaningful manner. Or it may mean that you need to seek out some advice or assistance -- from a friend, a colleague, a loved one, or a professional -- to get some more objective feedback about your situation.

Then, the hardest part -- to actually make the changes that will result in a better life for yourself, your friends, and your family. This often means a conscious effort to alter your thoughts or behaviors in significant ways. It may help to know that although this is hard at first, it gets progressively easier the more you do it.

Change isn't easy, especially as we get older. But realizing that it is a necessary and vital part of living may be the first step in helping to make that change.

http://www.m-a-h.net/inkdroppings/jg-reflections.htm

Hey, who IS that John guy??? He oughta do that mental health stuff for a living! (I really liked that article and am mailing it to a few pals right now!.)

Thanks Inky.

Em

"Compassion is my religion" - The Dalai Lama

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I agree, he would be great doing clinical stuff. Heck, I'd drive from Chicago to Boston once in a while to see him. Yet, here he is making websites and doing online psychology. He's great at what he does with both, so I guess we'll have to settle for what we can get.