Parenting issues

I was wondering if it would be useful for a forum specifically about parenting issues. I looked in social and communication but I don't find much.

My son is eighteen years old and has ADHD, bipolar, written language disability and I believe oppositional disorder. He also lived with a loco dad who abused me until he died in tragedy.(other thread, long story)

He always has been defiant but when he hit 14 y/o all H3LL broke loose and I am at my wit's end.

I wrote a question to the therapist here but got no response and even e-mailed Dr Phil because I am desperate for some help.

This weekend I told him if he couldn't respect me and obey me he would have to move out and listed 8 options where he could go. This summer when he was cursing me when my mood was down I had to go drive in my car for two hours to regain my composure because I knew if I stayed there I was going to beat him until he was bleeding and bruised and I would go to jail and his psyche would be none better.

Sometimes I am afraid of him. He is very vengeful and has talked about wanting to kill people. He has no insurance, I am disabled on limited income and can barely afford his psychiatrist's visits and medicine and know he needs counseling but I can't afford it.

I have filed mental hygiene several times and the last time he was hospitalized I, his doctor and his therapist wanted him to go to long term therapy but the court psychologist said he had showed improvement by not being defiant while hospitalized and thought he should go home with me. Of course my son later said he straightened up for a few weeks in the psych hospital because he knew if he didn't he would go into long term. Very manipulative.

I am reading Toughlove and trying to use natural consequences but my son isn't learning.

What I am doing isn't working and I don't know what will help.

I am really sorry for the pain and frustration you are experiencing with your son.

I understand only a small bit of what you experience having a 9 year old ADHD son with many issues.

I would just like to say that I support the idea of a Parenting issues forum. I have used the "Caregivers Support" forum previously but it doesn't feel comfortable.

That sounds so hard. It sounds, just from his age and your own problems that he needs longterm care or help as there's only so much care you can give him at home. If you've given him 8 options of where to go, I think you just need some way to "enforce" him to go which his age should allow you to do. But would be sad to have to worry/be afraid of your own son's vengence.

I think Parenting would be a great subforum under Relationships.

I think a parenting forum is an excellent idea! My son has many of the same issues as yours, and a couple of years older. I am relieved however that he does not have these anger and disrespect issues. He did for a brief time when he was placed on prozac to compliment his ADHD medication. Suddenly this caring, sweet, respectful boy turned into a demon. Luckily, once we took him off the prozac his personality returned to normal.

I'm sorry for the issues that you and your son are dealing with. It sounds as if he's seen a lot in his young life and does not know how to treat you. Here, our son's disabilities were never an excuse for bad behavior and he was expected to act accordingly.

I'm no expert, but my son went to a camp when he was younger with many other young people like him. Many of them were on disability, is this available to your son so that he may get the insurance coverage he needs, thereby getting the help he needs?

I've concidered looking into this many times for my son, while my husband and I can support him financially (work is difficult for him, he also suffers from anxiety as well), I am very concerned at times about his lack of insurance.

I understand how difficult this choice is for you. On the one hand you have a disabled child and you want to protect him, on the other he's an adult and does not respect you or the rules of your home. If he does have another place to live where he will be cared for and will not behave this way, then perhaps its time to look into that option very seriously.

Good luck! I hope for both your sakes you are able to find a solution to this problem and I look forward to finding out what you've done and how it is working out.

I agree. I think a Parenting Forum is a great idea. Raising kids is a HARD job. My kids are now grown, but when my youngest was a teen, he went through some difficult times. He was in the 4th grade when my husband and I separated. He had an awful time dealing with the divorce. Even had him in therapy, but the T must of been in another world, because he sure didn't help my son.

Oh yes, the T said my son had ODD, then a few years later, just out of the blue, or maybe it was when my x refused to pay the T bills, that the T said he doesn't have ODD anymore..

Anyway, the bottom line is, my son was hurting, prob depressed, and starting acting out. I think he was acting out because he was "hurting" and didn't know how to deal or express what he was feeling, so he acted out.

Sad thing is I, too, didn't know how to express and/or deal with "feelings" so I held them inside, which wasn't helpful to my son or myself.......

If we had been lucky enough to have a "good therapist" to help us through these troubled times, I feel my son would not have "acted out" to the extreme that he did.. I never had "problems" with my son, that is until the "divorce".. My son was in the 5th grade when he started therapy. A few months into therapy, my son came home screaming and crying and yelling at me "why didn't you finish filling out my baby book". I was shocked. The T stirred up more problems. I don't know why after the first year, I didn't write stuff in the baby book. Does that make me at fault> Good Lord..... I best stop at this point. grrrr

Anyway a Parenting forum is a wonderful idea..