First of all I want to apologize for my rampancy
Bearing a name as Vibrating Obsidian kind of explains myself - full of fury, frustration, absorbed by the environment, undeserved and not mine to bear

I really wonder how I will be able to recover. My ex therapist shattered all hope within me, and enhanced the scapegoat effect on me, that piece of s***
I'd complain and ruin his career if I could, but I have no one on my side. Even my parents won't help me, they're rather save their skin than avenge me

I try to study, doesn't work
I hope for a relationship, doesn't work
I try to take time to relax and play a video game - it's OK but only for passing time. Overall, I am obsessed with having a successful social status, and hope to succeed in the rough future.
But it seems so out of reach, when I have a corrupt conscience in the form of my ex therapist which prevents me from moving forward

I see a therapist (thank god!), but I'll have to replace them due to diagnostical reasons
Anyway, I don't speak about what happened with my ex therapist because I read therapists don't like to hear about bad experiences with other therapists, so I keep it shut for now

Anyway, I really try my best. Despite my suicidal situation I had some time ago, and despite hardly being able to eat, I crawled myself far away from home, away to the academy where I want to study

I started noticing how much my friends are not there for me, too

But I really don't know how I'm going to make it
I try my best in everything. I tried my best with a crush, even when I felt hurt from her and even if I may have accidentally hurt her. I tried to work it out and figure out how to understand and settle things. I really tried my best

I'm just worn out. Forces beyond me are unfortunately wearing me down. But those forces are in the form of humans just as we all are, and they have to be taught just like we all learn

Thanks for listening, and I really hope someone can help me out
I love you all

Do you spend any time in nature? Like walking in a wood, or swimming in the sea, or visiting a garden? I always find things like that uplift me.

Or do you exercise at all? I used to but not so much now that I am older. But I found it relaxed me. Especially the steam room and sauna afterwards.

How about music? Not necessarily loud noisy concerts, but just listening to things you know you like.

I sometimes visit old houses or historic buildings or quiet places with a spiritual feel.

Perhaps some of these could help you too?

[Llama_Llama44]

Hang in there, V.O.

I think you should tell your new T about your old one. Seems that if you trust him / her and they are a decent T at all, they would want to help you work through that. It is not fair for you to keep that inside when its a big issue for you.

Originally Posted by Llama_Llama44

Hang in there, V.O.

I think you should tell your new T about your old one. Seems that if you trust him / her and they are a decent T at all, they would want to help you work through that. It is not fair for you to keep that inside when its a big issue for you.

Unsure, since I may leave them

[Candy1955]

Then there is little risk, right? It could work out well and be beneficial to you.

I’ve taken enough risks. So the answer is no - I’m not going to talk about it
How else can I recover?

[avlady]

Little Cat had some great suggestions. I know that even when people are trying to help each other, the person asking for help really can't see help in these type of suggestions because they are so depressed or only looking for something no one else has suggested yet that would appeal to them. keep the help coming other people as Vibrating could use your suggestions. recently i joined a senior center and we exercized in our chairs and i never had so much fun with the elderly, they are so sweet and caring. I suggest you try to get involved in anything that would bring you into the community, alhough you may not feel like doing anything like that wouldn't help, but i can say it really does help. try to stay connected if you can you won't regret it!good luck!

Exploring nature doesn't help since it’s temporary
Exercising neither since I can’t eat well
As for music, I have no idea what to listen to

I lack company, I have no friends to support me and I am just losing more than I’m earning friends
Some of my past friends are also not that great anymore
But it’s not like my life is that great anyways, especially with people of bad influence.
I am really considering doing absolutely nothing with my life, rather than oblige myself to study for “success” with nothing colorful to fill my life - no friends, no hobbies to share with anyone
And I also hate mental health treatment since the entire concept seems to scorn clients, in and out of treatment, making them weaker instead of stronger

[katydid777]

When things are extreamly bad for me I try to remember these things !) this too will pass, 2) tomorrow is another day, and 3) the serinty prayer, even if you are not religious this one helps a lot, and it goes like this help me to accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I hope this may help, and remember you have a lot of friends here, and there is always someone to listen, and try to help! (((((((HUGS)))))))

Thanks but that does not help me
I am a man of action, yet I have no purpose in doing so

[Curry]

Hi Vibrating Obsidian, I am 54 and I have asked the same question as you "Will I ever be able to recover?" I answered "No." I like that I can let some things in, a feeling of peace, silence at the top of a mountain. Passion, doing something which I never imagined and finding a friend. Sometimes when I am feeling happy I let go of some hurt, it floats away. Mostly, I try to do some healthy things and to take care of things which help me survive. For the rest, I go from telling the whole world to step off, while I rest, and then to reaching out. I like you from what I know of you, I like your vulnerable question. Would it be so bad if you were just you.

What purpose would there be for my actions?
I don’t want to help people, because help is only temporary and got too hurt to help
How selfish and ruining to tell someone to volunteer when they’re the one who could use the volunteer help instead
When parents and family members continue to transmit that you are worthless and incapable, it’s hard to let that go and it’s all their fault

I wanted to die some time ago. You’re not going to take me out of the hole if you don’t listen to me, when I say I am a man of action and see no purpose in doing anything
No relationship, nothing interesting to explore with others

I just want to create music all my life yet because of everyone’s insecurities (including mine), I don’t do that

Oh and by the way - someone said you can be smart but irrational at the same time.
That doesn’t make any sense. It’s like saying you can be smart but can also be wrong. Absolutely illogical. In fact, smart people know best what to do with their lives, even if it means dying. It’s just that no one believes or trusts them enough to give them what they want, despite calling them “smart”
Not so smart after all

No one is kind and listening if they are not giving the smart and considering person a way to die. They only do the horrible act of continuing to put more suffering and burden on them by saying bulls*** sentences like “You have so much to live for” - Yeah, if I had a better social circle, which could be a bunch of bullies of some victims while some of them commit suicide, but are clear of burden because those who commit suicide are blamed with “mental illness” so no part on them

Just let me die, it’s all I ask, yet no one is kind enough to give it to me

And another thing - people who say you need to change yourself in order to “progress”.
This is another problem, why should I change myself? I am excellent as I am
Just because I got hurt and deceived by people doesn’t mean I need to change. It means that people do wrong and I have no way to cope with it, so it would be one of the beat decisions to potentially end my life because if you can’t deal with people who deceive you, then there is no point in living

[Curry]

Okay, let me see if I can listen better. I will ask questions so you can tell me if I am right or wrong. Do you want someone to listen to you? Do you want someone to see you, that you try your best, that you have tried many things like study, making friends, to play, to go to therapy? Do you have a need of safety? Do you have a need of a goal like you used to have one of creating music? Would you like a creative goal? Would you like someone to hear that you are tired and worn out and finding it hard to hope? Do you have a need of hope? Do you have a need to be looked up to? Do you have a need to be connected to people?

Why don't you make a list of things you will say yes to? So far we only have no's:

Meds - no.
Therapy - no.
Volunteering - no.
Studying - no.
Working - no.
Music - no.
Nature - no.
Exercise - no.
Socialising - no.
Spiritual things - no.

Here are some suggestions:

Travel
Arts and crafts
Mechanical work
Software creation
Quizzes
Animals
Reading

Even if you just try one thing you enjoy, it will start you on a path. Feeling better won't be instant. Sometimes you need to do things to distract you from feeling bad.

[zippity-dooda]

hey V.o i think i'm feeling your pain also i have been betrayed by both doctors and lawyers. now i basically hate people. when you get betrayed by the professionals who else can you trust ? i'm so tired of telling my story it makes me sick to even think about it again. the way i have come to see it is, these people on here are offering suggestions but if they dont feel the pain like you or i they can not relate ? i have been looking for people or a support group without any success. i did'nt look for you bio age or what drugs you took how long. these drugs were nasty to me and the doc almost killed me. i dont know why i'm still here. i'm so filled with anger and resentment i would fight king kong or the devil himself i basically dont give a **** because it seems ? no its fact no one cared enough about me. its all about the money. thats all they cared about. i hate talking on here because if people hav'nt experienced it themself its hard to relate to and feel the pain. i myself i'm tired of living. i just cant enjoy life anymore. i wish i was telling you this in person maybe i dont know how to put it ? you could absorb it better ? like i said i'm so tired of telling it because theres those that think if you talk about it ? it will help. i say ********. i hat psychiatry and i hate pills. people tell me i should find God i think you have to be wired a certain kind of way ?not me. i'm me and thats the way it is if you like me fine if you dont get the F away from me. anyway they ruined me and it sounds like you also. i feel your pain no doubt.you know that song 'point of no return by Kansas thats the way i feel about life now. what you mention about you doc not wanting to hear bad things about other doc's why bother then. enough rambling for now it just tears me up thinking, thinking,thinking