Does Anyone Else Find the Holiday Blues Sneaking up on them?

Friends,

I can't believe it. I have been looking forward to having a week off at Thanksgiving from my teaching assignments. Then today realizing that I won't be able to get together with what little family I have left. started hitting me.

Anyone else feeling similarly.

Hugs,

EJ

Hi EJ,

This time of year does more than just the Holiday Blues for me. I have a horrible time because it seems that everytime I get to this time of year, it brings back all the horrible memories of what I was going through 3 years ago. Last year it was 2 years ago, & the year before that, it was 1 year ago.........

That was when my Mother was dying of cancer & all the horrible things I went through with the ID theft let alone everything what was happening to her.

I thought for sure that this year because I'm in Kentucky & then back to California for a few weeks to continue packing so I can get a huge move done before Christmas, that my mind would be so busy, it wouldn't bother me. Unfortunately, I find myself almost frozen here in Kentucky....I try so hard to get the things done that I have to before the furniture can come & I just can't get anything done at all. I kind of walk around the house mumbling to myself....I really have to get this done!!!!! Then the panic attack hits & I go back to my chair & go to sleep again. When I wake up.....my mind takes me right back to the memories....panic attack hits....take some meds & go right back to sleep. Luckily, the nightmares have vanished, so at least I get rest while I'm sleeping.

I did get some yard work done today. Finally got the mum's planted (they were looking very ratty) that I bought the first week I arrived with great intentions of getting them planted then. I cleared out all the dead junk from the flower bed & it's really looking nice. I have one more flower bed to go......why I'm working in the yard instead of on the necessary things in the house is beyond me......but it's what I felt like doing & did, so that's just the way that goes.

Knowing I have no family at all doesn't really bother me that much....or maybe it really does. I decided to spend more time here & go back to Calif after Thanksgiving....so won't even be spending time with my husband's family for Thanksgiving.....they are really great, so it isn't that......but thanksgiving always brings me back to the last Thanksgiving I had with my Mother & that was the saddest thing I will ever remember. She sat there across the table & couldn't even cut her food let alone get it to her mouth.....she said she wasn't hungry.....but you could see what was happening. I am sure that was just after she had a mild stroke the weekend before (looking back). I had no idea everything that was going on because none of her Dr's were honest about her condition even to her. The day after Thanksgiving was when I had a fight to get her into the hospital & that was when everything even more horrible began to happen......so this time of year holds the most horrible memories of my life & I just can't seem to escape them no matter where I am.

Debbie

I cannot say that it has..... guess I have finally resolved to not let it get to me - and to be honest I am already thinking about staying home this Thanksgiving.

They haven't started to sneak up on me yet, EJ, but I imagine I'll have the blues more than once before it's all over.

Gonna do my darndest to not let them get me bad.

Yes, when we first begin thinking about the wonderful holidays, we sometimes forget reality: holidays also bring bad memories for some, loneliness for others, deeper depression for still others (due to seeing everyone else supposedly so happy.) It can also make us realize how much has changed since last year.

Anyone interested in a chat or two on how to get through the holidays easier... let me know when your best day and time... maybe we can work something out.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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I'm anxious because we haven't made any plans and have only received one invitation we don't particularly want (and haven't replied yet). I always feel like we're a charity case for both holidays. It is a little easier now because my husband is part of it with me :-) but it is kind of sad too. I've always lived in houses that aren't great for entertaining many people; either not enough seats or not enough room :-) and sometimes I'm blue that that is so and I can't suggest "it" be held here one year or anything. But some of that is a reflection of my stepmother's and father's hospitality and how everything was held at their house so I feel like I somehow don't measure up.

I know what my problem is. I just don't think there's anything I can do about it.

Another yes here!

I have never had a good relationship with my mother for various reasons. My brother who is 6 years younger, I have no relationship with. Certainly not my choice. I've made numerous attempts to develop a relationship with him, but he's never been interested. And I also have one aunt and uncle who I also have no relationship with.

So when holiday time comes around, I wonder why I am celebrating this time of year with strangers. At least that's how it feels. I am much more at ease at my work Christmas party where I feel I am among friends.

On a good note, I enjoy spending time with my grandmothers who are ages 88 and 89. I also have a great relationship with my dad.

Since all of the people I mentioned celebrate Christmas together, I try to hang around the positive relationships. However, things are awkward because half the group is people I feel I don't even know. And the mother relationship is a big source of anxiety for me.

The holidays get to me bad since the storm. We did the family thing and then the family friend thing. Every year we were together. It was a tradition.

For the past two years and now this one. Everyone is so far away from each other and have so much going on trying to get lives back together that again there will not be any get togethers. Yeah we will send the holiday cards and speak on the phone, but it wont be like it was.

Trying to deal with the everday loss of family and friends is hard enough, but when it comes to those holidays, birthdays and special occasions its one of the worst pains of homesickness i've ever felt in my life.

We have a very small family and I will not see or be able to spend time with any of them during the holidays. I use to love the holidays when the kids were around. It was always a frantic time with so much going on but enjoyable all the same.

Now my family is scattered to the four corners of the US. son and his family in DC, aunt in PA, parents in AZ, Sister plus other son and new wife in WA. In fact this will be the first time in 15 years my sister has been able to have Thanksgiving dinner with family.

While I still find some pleasure in the spirit of the season it just feels very empty these days.

Friends,

Wow!

It is always such a comfort to find out other people feel similarly.

What a lot of insightful responses.

Sky, you are right about the comparison to last year. Last year husband was just unemployed. This year he can't work b/c of the injury to his knee.

Hugs,

EJ

Yes.

I want to go home. I haven't been there for over 4 years.

I want to be able to afford to celebrate. But I can't.

It is already getting to me.

to you and everyone else in 'this place' too.

Holiday blues...well, I've had them bigtime before in the past. I don't feel anything regarding the approaching holidays right now while caring for my mother.
I actually think we've had our holiday already with relatives visiting from far and wide to come see Mom before she gets worse. My daughter and twins visited from Louisville, my mom's only living brother and his wife from Ohio, and today, my niece from Florida. I really think the holidays will just pass by unnoticecd this year.

At the same time, I DO know about holiday blues, having experienced it in the past to a numbing extent. My loving thoughts go out to all those here who experience it.

Love
Patty

I found out I won't have to go to the depressing family thing because I will be with my parents seeing my nephew. I am excited about getting away for the weekend. I am also excited about seeing him. I want to give him lots of hugs. I am also excited about not having to deal with the bad family dynamics that happen in my family. I usually end up in a not so good place after dealing with my family for an extended amount of time. So I was glad my dad offered for me to go with them.

Christmas is going to be different and I'm not sure how that will play out. My family is changing and my Grandma isn't taking it real well and is taking it out on the family. I feel caught in the middle and need to learn not to take it personal when she attacks.

Jbug

I am not looking forward to it at all. I am not putting up any decorations this year. I might make some cookies for a friend of mine who loves them. But that will be all. Nothing to look forward to here.

I am in complete denial about the holidays...as far as I am concerned--they are not happening this year.