[LiteraryLark]

All these years, I've asked and pleaded to my parents, "I want more responsibilities, I want more responsibilities" as if that would make me a better person somehow. As if that "more responsibilities" would prove to them that I am perfectly capable of "making it" on my own.

Well, puh! Who the heck wants responsibilities? Responsibilities are bills and daily, mundane to-do's that is just part of adulthood. It doesn't necessarily build character or prove one's self worth.

What I should be demanding is a challenge.

It occurred to me as I was reading Cesar Millan's book on dog psychology that I've been asking for all the wrong things. I am a high-energy person, I like to go, go, go, do, do, do because I am trying to find something that challenges me. A challenge! Now that builds character. That progress personal growth. That makes me a better person.

Right now, I have three upcoming challenges: to go to school to become a geriatric nurse, to find work that will grant me the experience needed to become a geriatric nurse, and to become a German Shepherd's Alpha (when Max passes away and my family gets a new dog).

I feel over the years I haven't been challenged enough. My parents always wanted gradual progress, but nothing they wanted for me was anything that required skill or effort, just patience. Wait for the next step. Wait for the next step. And here I am at 25 realizing that what I've been begging for is a challenge they never thought I could handle. So now I put it in their face. I don't want a full time job with benefits that asks for no education or experience and picked at random to spend the rest of my life waiting for a promotion so I could finally make the kind of money to move out. I want to go to a university, I want an education, I want to follow my passion so I can end up a geriatric nurse where it is not only my passion but allows me to live comfortably in my own house! I'll start with volunteering at the senior center until it's time for me to start work. And I plan on being this next dog's Alpha when they don't think I can. I take excellent care of Evy. I spent a month out in the rubble of Coffee Park rescuing her and my mom's cat Salem. I feed her twice a day of a limited amount to help her lose weight, feed the fish once a day, take my dog Max for a walk once or twice a day, I'm about to finish my sixth book about dog training and dog care. I talked to my babysitter who spent her career working with dogs and she said I am doing absolutely everything right to prepare me for my own dog. And I am making it appoint to take responsibility for Max so I can practice some of the things I've learned in these books, so I can learn from Max to prepare me for the next dog, to prove to my parents that I am ready for my own dog, and as an unspoken promise to my brother (Max's owner who is in the military), that Max will have the last year or two of his life being treated with dignity, care, and respect.

I think schooling, work, and a dog is a big challenge right there. But there's the build up to those three, and then executing those three, and at the same time keeping up my responsibilities as a member of the household and an owner of my cat and taking care of the family dog. The biggest problem with school and work is it gets mundane after a while, my friends can completely relate to that. I want to be challenged every day, throughout the day. I hate routines. I hate doing the same thing every day, although there are certain things I need to do every day that is not a responsibility. I need to read my book, any book, everyday. I like the idea of an "educational" book, like the dog books, to read when I am most alert and have dedicated time for it, and a "fun" book to read whenever I get the chance or when it's time to relax. I also need to listen to my music. And not music I work or be busy to! I need my music, and I need dedicated time to listen to whatever music I feel like. A third thing I need to do is write my letters. I have one solid pen pal I write to almost every day. So, reading, music, and letters. Those are the three that needs to be routine. I also have a "strict" diet. Breakfast is two eggs scrambled, fruit, and an activia. Lunch is a salad, fruit, and protein shake. Dinner is a small portion of whatever my mom cooks for me and my dad, accompanied by a salad or veggie and fruit. So I have my volunteering at the senior center. The educational reading, recreational reading, music, and letters. I have my diet to stay healthy. I take Max for a big walk in the morning and sometimes a short walk in the late afternoon/early evening. I feed Evy twice a day. I think once I have mastered that, I want more. I have my harmonica, a guitar, a bass, and a brand-new banjo. I intend to become fluent in Spanish and have The Cat in the Hat in English/Spanish, a textbook on College Spanish, and the first class I want to take at the community college is Spanish. There's whale watching five minutes from my house. There's shopping in the two cities north and south of us. There's tons of community events.

I think there's lots of challenges big and small for me to accomplish and lots to see and do. I think I have a good idea of the direction for me to go, and the things to keep me focused. Yeah, I feel like I've had an epiphany.