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Member Since May 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 92
7 20 hugs
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#1
I just got back from the doctor. I knew I had severe neuropathic pain, but apparently I also have cancer. According to the latest tests, I have lung cancer. Stage 3a. My "family" doesn't care. Telling them resulted in a long, one sided "argument", and they started telling me how I brought this on myself by "getting fat" and that "they aren't going to spend more money on me if that's what I'm fishing around for".
Then, things escalated, and they said, "What the hell did you think was going to happen living like you do." They then started telling me, "You made fools out of us (referring to me being bisexual)." And later in the conversation they told me, "Just leave us alone, we don't have time for your drama". Two months ago, I attempted suicide. I was in the psych unit for a week. So, in addition to the cancer, I also have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. But all my hallucinations go back to a traumatic event I experienced when I was younger. Someone (I think possibly my cousin with my parents watching but it may have been at friend's house and some of his brothers and his parents, I can't tell, it's all very fuzzy),
Possible trigger:
I keep having flashbacks of this, and I periodically hallucinate things related to the event. I'm beginning to remember this more clearly now. I really don't think I'm psychotic, I think I have simply been so traumatized by this as well as the fact that a
Possible trigger:
Coincidentally, my doctor just put me on the same medication I got drugged with (in much lower doses of course) twice daily for my neuropathic pain. And because of state dependent memory and all, it is bringing back all these horrid memories. I'm going to give my doctor a call tomorrow to see what he recommends, because the flashbacks are keeping me from being able to sleep. No one believed me when I spoke up that this guy had drugged me and was taking advantage of me repeatedly. I tried reporting him, and the cops in my hometown all lauged right in my face. Told me that I better stop making up lies about this guy. That if I don't stop "spreading lies", he would have me arrested for slander. I'm not from the US. I'm from a country in eastern Europe (that I won't name out of fears of this post being identified), which is where this all happened, and the guy who did this was filthy rich. And over there, people with money can get away with anything, because the system is so corrupt. And I don't think my parents ever really cared. I just don't know what to do. I'm probably just going to die of cancer, which is honestly what I'm hoping is going to happen. Because I don't know how I can go on. Everywhere I turn, there is some kind of ******** waiting for me. And I have no support system whatsoever. I'm completely alone in this world, probably dying, and my ptsd has gotten the better of me. To be honest, part of me hopes the cancer wins this battle. Yet part of me strives to push on, just because maybe there is one day going to be something worthwhile for me in this life. But I haven't seen it yet. But just in case, I want to push through, just in case. Last edited by bluekoi; Apr 22, 2019 at 07:38 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Apply trigger code. |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 776
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#2
Oh my God. You are in so much pain. I'm so sorry.
And seriously, WTF is going on with your family's reactions. You're in neuropathic pain, scared and alone. I can't believe the strength and resilience you are showing by trying to keep fighting and maintaining hope there is something better. If you have Netflix, check out the documentary "The Magic Pill". There is actually science behind it. Cancer cells need carbs to grow. You can help starve them out by adopting a high protein diet. Your healthy cells can convert protein to energy, but cancer cells can't. If I got a cancer diagnosis tomorrow, I'd be trying it just so I had a way to pick up the fight. Who can you turn to besides your family? Is there anyone, even in small doses that you can talk to and get some support? Here's kind of my way of looking at things.... There are things in our lives that are toxic. Slowly over time, they poison us, weaken us. We all know plastics do this to us for example, and nitrites in our food. Relationships do as well... Keep that in mind. You are at a point where you may have to reduce the toxicity in your life by reducing the contact you have with certain people. Maybe you aren't resilient enough deal with toxic people now. |
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#3
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, Monkey1111!
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,408
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#4
I’m sending hugs
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 92
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#5
Quote:
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Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: angola ny
Posts: 9,794
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#6
I think people here are trying to help you soo much, I hope and pray you can see we do care!!!.cancer is awful, but there have been many survivors so do you best to take care of yourself first, by maybe seeing a therapist and doing what your docs say too.
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#7
Quote:
![]() ![]() ![]() ll you can do is take it one day at a time and try to hang on to this (hope). I hope you have a kind therapist to help you with this and that you have moments without pain. ![]() |
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2013
Posts: 776
11 64 hugs
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#8
Hey Monkey1111,
Just checking in on you. It's been a few days. RDM |
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