[-jimi-]

One of the reasons I think is that don't have friends here, and no responsibility in that way. We have many parts of ourselves and I basically chose a part of me to be the PC part. It wasn't a conscious decision.

I have painted myself on here as quite unlikable. I think in a way, since I have peace in most parts of my life, that piece of myself that is abrasive and annoyingly fair had no place anymore. When I was in more rowdy areas, it could come out and play.

IRL I am a good and reliable friend, and most places online I am calm, relaxed, easy going, supportive, kind and funny. I have just a tad of an idea what is going on here. I mean, it's not like anyone CARES cares here, if you know what I mean, it's not a biggie for anyone but me. But still I felt a need to come clean.

In most aspects of my life I am sort of a protector, a mediator, a peacekeeper. Here, I am sort of, a fake.

And since I started out this way, I can't easily change, because it is the role I gave myself in this context.

Can anyone relate to this happening? That you present yourself in a manner that is not really representative for who you are as a whole? It's not fair really for letting just a part of my personality to come out and be only here. No one here did anything to cause it.

It makes me think about how fragmented I really am, and how weird it is. I have pretty much from day one, decided I will not make friends on here. How sane is that? Not much right?

Every other place I am, I made friends for life it seems.

I don't know if I should say sorry or what goes with this. I think this is one of the weirdest posts I've made my entire Internet career. So, if you think it is nothing, it is a big deal for me.

Thanks for reading.

[unaluna]

I thought we were friends. We used to discuss recipes, dint we?

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I thought we were friends. We used to discuss recipes, dint we?

[unaluna]

What can I bake that doesn't use sugar?

Post Your Helpful Kitchen / Food Tips

I have a very photogenic memory! The rest of me dont look so good!

Using search advanced search, first i searched the recipes forum using my id, then when i saw all the thread had the little box on them, i searched the same using your id, then the little box showed me where we had responded to the same thread.

[Fuzzybear]

I’ve never actually thought of you as “an unlikeable person”

Thanks for making this post, it takes bravery to share something like this.

I doubt if you’re the only person online who has ever presented themselves as a part of themselves or even as a “fake”

I don’t think this post is “nothing”. It seems honest and heartfelt to me

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I have a very photogenic memory! The rest of me dont look so good!

Your memory is really good!

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’ve never actually thought of you as “an unlikeable person”

It is cuz you evoke good in people. It is simply impossible for us not to see ourselves in a different light when talking to you, because despite the horrors you have been through, you come with really good vibes. It rubs off.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Your memory is really good!

Ive missed talking recipes with you, actually. Im not a usual kind of cooker, and i felt you related to that.

[MickeyCheeky]

We haven't talked too much, -jimi-, but I have NEVER thought that you were an unlikeable person, not even ONCE! Please be kind to yourself, ok?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

It is cuz you evoke good in people. It is simply impossible for us not to see ourselves in a different light when talking to you, because despite the horrors you have been through, you come with really good vibes. It rubs off.

Thank you -jimi-

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I have painted myself on here as quite unlikable. I think in a way, since I have peace in most parts of my life, that piece of myself that is abrasive and annoyingly fair had no place anymore. When I was in more rowdy areas, it could come out and play.

In most aspects of my life I am sort of a protector, a mediator, a peacekeeper. Here, I am sort of, a fake.

Can anyone relate to this happening? That you present yourself in a manner that is not really representative for who you are as a whole?

I don't recall having read any of your other posts, so maybe my opinion doesn't matter much.

Nevertheless, it seems like you're using anonymity (and hence, few real consequences) as an opportunity to explore a different aspect of your personality. There's nothing wrong with that. It allows us to better understand ourselves, so long as you're actively trying to understand that darker part of you and not simply indulging in it.

I can relate, of course. The difference between us is that this part of me is "more real," whereas who I present irl is, sort of, a fake.

I'm not sure any of us really presents our whole selves in every scenario all the time. That would be exhausting. But what do I know about being "real"?

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Nevertheless, it seems like you're using anonymity (and hence, few real consequences) as an opportunity to explore a different aspect of your personality. There's nothing wrong with that. It allows us to better understand ourselves, so long as you're actively trying to understand that darker part of you and not simply indulging in it.

I have another outlet for my dark sides, they do exist yea, most people have them I think, not sure.

The attitude I've shown here is more a leftover from when no one understood me and the more I explained, the more I got in trouble. This is ages and ages ago. But back then it ended up I was scapegoated when I tried to do good and fair things. It took me a while to realize good and fair is threatening to some, so I was surprised of the reaction.

So who I was here, was sort of a grumble from the past, the one that never got told others actually wronged ME, made me see that there was a part of me that tried its best and because trying, failed and was punished. I think it is a bit miffed still.

And that is not you guys' fault. And not the way I usually behave. I think it did happen here because in smaller contexts I have to be more centered, a big forum can allow someone to do their thing and not be bothered.

Anyway, thanks to all for letting me ramble. Sometimes it is not until the words come out, I understand how I think.

Not trying to downplay my bad sides. But I was never punished for them, always for trying to do good.

Weird things from 20 years ago still can affect me.

[lizardlady]

Jimi, I'm sorry you feel you've painted yourself as unlikeable at PC. I've never witnessed you being unpleasant. Frankly, I thought your description of yourself IRL was a good description of how you come across here.

[unaluna]

I remember there was some dust-up about something you'd written? But i never knew what it was. I had been called on the carpet myself back then. Its hard to find ones footing again afterwards.

[dontfollow]

Ignore the past. Start fresh everyday!

[possum220]

aww -jimi- I see you as an integral part here of PC. Gotta love rats.

I dont think anybody ever has the capacity to be fully transparent whether they want to be or not. We all have parts we wouldnt want others to see. Plus using this mode of communication has some limitations.

[*Beth*]

I adore rats. I've owned a total of 26 rats.

Anyone who loves rats is a very, very special human being. That's a given.

Funny..."care care"...I do care about people, I truly do - and sometimes I find it much easier to express it online. A lot of reasons...I can care without fear of being rejected, I can care without sounding goofy. And so on.

I admire this post. Thank you for being genuine.

[-jimi-]

To like rats is to understand the misunderstood. Not to judge because what people "tell you".

Or... just, rats are cute and smart. Funny too.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

To like rats is to understand the misunderstood. Not to judge because what people "tell you".

Or... just, rats are cute and smart. Funny too.

What a beautiful and accurate way to summarize "rat people."

If I can figure out how to post pics, I'll put a few of my rats on this thread.

[avlady]

I was considered one of my hangouts bar a patio rat. I didnt know it until i saw a paper on the table a bunch of us were at that said Patio Rats on it. we all had a good laugh.

[*Beth*]

This was one of my girls, Chelsea.

[-jimi-]

Originally Posted by BethRags

This was one of my girls, Chelsea.

Such a cutie.

Hi jimi, I haven't read all of the responses yet. I do sort of relate. Things get mixed up in communicating on here. I feel I have one friend that is true to me here, but I like all opinions if I ask for help. I take what I think I can use to help me. I also do my best to help but am unsure of how to reply. So, for me it comes down to privacy, the feeling of community support, and a place to vent.

I don't think you are being phony. I haven't noticed many of your posts until recently, and I think you are a helpful, interesting person. Try not to worry too much, this isn't about lying, maybe more about being unsure of yourself. It happens to all of us, I think. best to you

[Discombobulated]

Hi, you might not remember me but I was a member here 3 years before I left and recently rejoined.

I didn't at all perceive you as abrasive. I always found you very honest and thoughtful in your replies. You always struck me as a very fair minded person - I certainly thought well of you.

I understand if you don't want to make deep connections here, actually that is how I feel this time around too. It actually makes a lot of sense to be that way.

[shelda]

I think we all hide from ourselves in all honesty. That's who people are,we pretend not to care when deep down we are screaming but fear of rejection when depressed is overwhelming. They say try and feel united not apart and accept people for their mistakes. We all make them. Doesn't make us bad just another lesson in life. Hopefully we learn that one fast ,yet some go back and back to that lesson . They say it's your ego. Or it could be that voice in your head telling you what a true POS you are...they say that comes from lack of self esteem. Should we hate others who are making mistakes? Or give a smile a nod of encouragement and just love.