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#1
In my efforts to find support and to connect with others in the same boat, I am curious to know if there are other mixed race/ethnic individuals here. Specifically, what negatives have you experienced? How have you healed from those negative experiences?
I'll start. I'm half-Japanese and half-White. Not including my childhood maltreatment traumas, I've experienced many negatives in terms of race-based bullying, discrimination, and microaggressions. When I was 10, a neighbor told me that she couldn't play with me because her mom said that Japanese people were bad; this occurred in the 1980s. Because of my mixed race, some people couldn't tell what race or ethnicity I was, so they would assume that I was an immigrant (I wasn't), a Mexican with some mixure (I wasn't), a Filipino (I wasn't), or some other mixture or combo. They would use slang such as "Jap," "nip," "Flip," or "beaner" to describe what I looked like. Throughout my life, others would say things like, "You're so smart" (benevolent racism), or "you're so exotic" (benevolent sexist racism toward female minorities), or "get back on the boat" (direct racism), or "you're the privileged kind of minority" (microaggression, undermining my struggles). Some people would assume that my being part-Asian meant that I was naturally submissive (I wasn't, I'm not), or that I was "well-tamed emotionally" (I'm not; if they only knew that abuse, maltreatment can happen to anyone, and that my emotions, while hidden, were many.) Some people would set me up on a higher standard by comparing my Asian race with my poor grades or unconventional cultural preferences (my favorite food type is Mexican food, not sushi, though I do like Asian food, too, but it isn't my absolute favorite). What they didn't get was that I am not "Asian" or "White" or a "White bread" or a "privileged minority who is white-passing." I'm a mixed race/ethnicity, and that in and of itself is confusing, a single and yet very diverse/heterogeneous category, and often regarded as "other" on statistical tests, or even excluded from the data on others. Growing up in the 1980s, there were no "mixed race/ethnicity" or "other" categories on questionnaires. In elementary school, I asked the teacher which box do I check, since they only allowed one box. I felt insulted and disregarded when they told me to pick the box that represents my father's race (White, in this case), yet I didn't look White (to most people), and I didn't identify with White peers or Asian peers. In fact, my full-blooded Japanese family members and others in school held prejudice against me because I was "mixed" or "hafu" or "hapa." All my life, people have judged me based on my appearances as well as one of my mixed races. "You're Japanese, therefore you....." Or, "Your dad is White, therefore you...." Little did they know that my father served in WWII as a merchant marine and constantly beat my Japanese mom up because he was having flashbacks of some kind and "hated Japs" at certain times. Little did they know that my upbringing was poor all around, highly abusive, and highly discriminatory. I wasn't as smart as other kids because I was Japanese. I wasn't a submissive and kind person all the time; I would be distal, have my own mind, be independent, and react negatively to insults or harms. When I was mistaken for being Mexican, I would be called so many names. In fact, most of my closest friends were Mexican, Hispanic/Latino friends from other cultures, others with mixed race/ethnic backgrounds, and African American. I rarely had pure White friends or pure Asian friends. My skin color was fair, but olive, and my eyes would change shape if I wore cosmetics. I didn't have the slanted eyes that my full-blooded Asian friends had, but I didn't have the round eyes that my friends with non-Asian races had. I had a combination of almond eye meets round eye, which I thought was unique until others pointed out how "nippy" or "tight-eyed" I looked. Even in adulthood, I received racist remarks from peers, family members, close friends, and mentors in college. I'd kindly remind them what I identify as, but they were not always understanding. Some were straight out rude. I hated when they said things like, "Oh, well you should be happy that you're not ___ race." That not only insulted me (because at times, I would look like other races, even though I wasn't culturally or biologically), but it also got me mad because I have friends who are of all different races, including mixed races. I'm sick of being an "other." What I loved was hearing one of my favorite actresses from Suits (in a past season before she left the show to get married in a different country), and who happens to be Duchess of Sussex (because she married into royalty, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, to be exact), state that she was "more than an other" in the following article: Meghan Markle is her name: Meghan Markle On Her Biracial Identity - Actress Meghan Markle Discusses Being Half Black Half White Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle is one of my personal heroes for speaking up about this issue! Awareness and education on such subjects are healing for me, but I've rarely found healing in the therapy room. Instead, I was told that it would be unethical for the therapist to help in areas that they aren't trained in. This showed me that there was a lack of training in these areas, and quite often, a lack of cultural sensitivity when diagnosing and treating those with races other than White in my country (the United States). This also told me why I felt some therapists and professors of psychology were insensitive toward certain non-White races and their cultural practices, such as when one social psychology professor called Asians "orientals." For those professionals who didn't understand mixed race/ethnic backgrounds, I heard terms like "White passing" or "a privileged minority" or other terms that underscored their ignorance. It angered me, but my anger remained silent. It saddened me, but my tears remained hidden and my grief remained silent as well. The only healing I received was from research articles on microaggressions and racism, as well as articles from public figures such as Markle. However, there's only a paucity of research on multi-racial/ethnic individuals. Clearly, more research needs to be done in this area so that we can be understood, diagnosed, and treated fairly in communities, institutions, and clinical settings. Some of our psychological misdiagnoses stem from a lack of training or psychometrics on cultural issues. Being a mixed race/ethnicity is a cultural issue that should be held apart from issues that particular individual race/ethnic backgrounds have. If you feel comfortable, please share your thoughts on all of the above, and more. Last edited by bluekoi; Oct 18, 2019 at 07:42 PM.. Reason: Add triggger icon. Administrative edit to bring within guidelines. |
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*Beth*, MickeyCheeky
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#4
I am Jewish and have experienced what are, to me, ignorant, shocking and terribly hurtful comments. There were some in grade school (things a few kids said to me that they obviously learned from their home lives). My last name (maiden name was long and ended with -berg) was very obviously ethnic, so my ancestry was obvious.
The two worst comments (among way too many) that stand out in my mind was when a very close friend told me she'd gone to a yard sale and got a good price on something by bargaining. The term she used was "I Jewed them down to a lower price." I remember feeling like I had been stabbed. I explained to her that what she had said was so hurtful, and that the perception that "all Jews are wealthy cheapskates" is so incorrect. She said she had never stopped to think about the meaning of the comment she had made, what it meant. But she didn't really express remorse. The worst, worst experience I have ever had with regard to my background was during a job interview. I was nineteen and interviewing for a sales position at a small boutique. The owner was interviewing me; she was friendly and outgoing. When I handed her my application and she saw my last name she brightened up and said, "OH! You people are ALWAYS good with sales! Money is your thing! I'd be happy to offer you the job!" I died inside. Just wilted. I stood up and took my application from her. It was like an awful dream. I had the paper in one hand and turned to pick up my purse, then just walked out. I ripped the application to shreds, threw it in a garbage can out on the sidewalk. I sat in my car. I couldn't even cry. I just sat there shaking with shame and anger. There are so many generalizations that have occurred through the years. Sometimes people mean well..."I thought you'd know all about the Kabbalah, with your Hebrew background!" Or similar statements. Over-generalizations. Saying instead of asking. It just hurts so much...I feel so cut off and alone. All Jews are not wealthy. Most Jews are very conscious of being humanitarians, and are charitable people. The connection to Jews and money has to do with Jewish people working themselves out of severe oppression. And so on. Sometimes I wish I "looked different." I am fair-skinned and blonde, light eyes. If I was a different color or was obviously of a different ethnicity than the standard Caucasian people might think twice before they say something awful. __________________ |
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Anonymous42119, Seafarer
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#5
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I am so sorry you went through all that. My half-brother and his wife are Jewish. I get angered when people say mean things. (((safe hugs))) |
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*Beth*
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#6
I am much more mixed-race than you, and here where I live in San Francisco, I get asked "What are you?" or "What race are you?" on a regular basis. When I go to meetups, it averages minimum 5 times per event. Using simple maths, that is well over 500 times per year that I get asked what race I am. And unlike you, my looks are non-descript--I could be many races. People go on with guessing games where they guess my race without my consent or cooperation and ask me things like, "Are you Mexican/Japanese/Indonesian/Spanish/Portuguese/Cuban/Persian/Indian/Korean/Pakistani/French/Italian/Dominican/Honduran/Guatemalan/Argentinian/Brazilian/Moroccan/Algerian/Tunisian/Arab/Egyptian/Chilean/Puerto Rican/[insert random nationality here]?" It is truly unbelievably annoying, and I often get into verbal arguments with people because they insist on knowing my race without even knowing me, some not even caring to ask what my name is.
For the record, my ethnicity is approximately 60% Chinese, 25% Spanish, 10% Central Asian (Kazakh, Kyrgyz, Uyghur, etc.) and the remaining 5% a completely random mix from all over. Lately, I have been called "Hispanic" and random Latin American nationalities like "Mexican" or "Spanish" or "Cuban". |
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Lilly2, mote.of.soul
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#7
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Thank you for sharing and relating to my original post. I'm sorry that you struggle with these issues, too. |
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#8
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(((safe hugs))) I'm so sorry you deal with racial stuff, too. Thank you for responding to my original post. My half-siblings who are Jewish struggle with similar things that you mentioned. |
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*Beth*
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#9
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Sn Francisco is one of the racially diverse cities in the world. I can definitely understand how annoying and offensive it can be to be prodded about your racial ancestry. Of all places, though, I would tend to think that the people in SF who ask about your background are genuinely interested in knowing more about you and you heritage/cultural practices. It's possibly that it isn't necessarily racism. Just my thought. __________________ |
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Lilly2
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#10
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The times when they ask my nationality, as in where I was born and grew up, what passport(s) I have, the nationalities and racial background of my parents and each set of grandparents is suspicious to me. When I used to answer honestly in the past, I got comments like, "You do not look like American?", "When I think of American, someone like you does not come to mind" or "You were born here? Really? But where are you really from?" to me is more blatant about implying that they do not believe me. Then that begs the question, why ask me in the first place when they do not want to believe my answers? I am not sure if you have gotten these replies, but hearing them in person is really annoying. |
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Lilly2, mote.of.soul
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#11
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Buffy01, Lilly2
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#12
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Lilly2
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#13
Thank you guys for replying!
I'll respond to individual responses as soon as I feel a little better. I'm just really appreciative of the responses here. I'm so sorry to those of you who have experienced similar or greater degrees of discrimination, hardships, microaggressions, hate crimes, etc. (((safe hugs))) I will say that some people do experience far worse than what I have experienced, and that is sad. This should not be happening, and it is harmful. (((safe hugs))) |
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*Beth*, Buffy01
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#14
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#15
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