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Whereto52
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Default Dec 06, 2020 at 07:28 PM
  #1
Hey there!
Lately I have been trying to work on my problems again and I came to the conclusion that I should probably start on my confidence.
Bought a few books on therapy interventions for patients with low self worth and self esteem issues because I have been struggling with that since I was a child.

Now I kind of realize how much conflict this problem is causing and how much harder it makes life for me. It keeps me in this position of feeling helpless and unfixable. Unloved even.

I got diagnosed with social anxiety(and other things but those are mostly theories) and have had depressive episodes differentiating in severity and duration.

For a long time now and after a many setbacks in the last years, I feel like I lost every bit of confidence that I had left.
I was bitter for short period last year. A feeling of being toxic and just utterly disgusting on the inside.
Kind of pulled myself out of that whole situation..but I still feel like that from time to time.

I have gotten so insecure that I feel like there is nothing in life where I dont feel anxious.
It has gotten to a point that I can't even talk to my family and friends anymore without feeling stupid, boring or insignificant.

I don't know who I am. I feel like nothing. Like I have no personality, opinion or desires.
Therapy would be good but I can't see a therapist for another two years( without paying for one out of pocket) which is why I want to find help in this forum.

I did not know where to post this but it seemed like the right place for it.

What should I do now? Or what can I do to improve my situation?

Thanks for all the help!
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Default Dec 06, 2020 at 08:41 PM
  #2
There's a subforum here called Steps To Better Self Esteem. There's some helpful info there sometimes. I think you're doing a good job already by being aware of the problem and you've gotten books to read on the subject. Thats good. I understand wanting a community / social support too, hence why we're all here. Im working on my self esteem too. Nice to meet you.
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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 08:09 AM
  #3
Hi, I can relate very much to what you posted here @Whereto52, definitely. Thanks.

What I've been doing is to basically do things, action things, that I believe should help my confidence to grow. If you're unsure about what those things might be for you, then the internet is a great resource to find out the different ways.

Also, stop doing things that you think should help but aren't - like opening up to people who have no supportive words for you. That too can help your confidence to grow by eliminating disressful experiences and basically if you can't find or get the support you need then just try to be your own best friend. Self love. A certain peace can be found within eventually.

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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 09:52 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy View Post
There's a subforum here called Steps To Better Self Esteem. There's some helpful info there sometimes. I think you're doing a good job already by being aware of the problem and you've gotten books to read on the subject. Thats good. I understand wanting a community / social support too, hence why we're all here. Im working on my self esteem too. Nice to meet you.
Thanks, I will have a look at that forum then
It took a while for me to actually see the main reason for why I am stuck. Mental disorders apparently all include some sort of self esteem issues.
Wish you luck and all the best for working on your problem
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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 10:00 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Hi, I can relate very much to what you posted here @Whereto52, definitely. Thanks.

What I've been doing is to basically do things, action things, that I believe should help my confidence to grow. If you're unsure about what those things might be for you, then the internet is a great resource to find out the different ways.

Also, stop doing things that you think should help but aren't - like opening up to people who have no supportive words for you. That too can help your confidence to grow by eliminating disressful experiences and basically if you can't find or get the support you need then just try to be your own best friend. Self love. A certain peace can be found within eventually.
I probably should find out what would help with building confidence in my case too because it is like you guessed , I don't really know what things I should do to get more confident.

Yeah, I usually found that there are a lot of thing which should help but turned out to not be very helpful in the end. Guess stuff like that varies from person to person so I should start with finding out what I am aiming for and what could get me to appreciate myself more.
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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 11:00 AM
  #6
It is WONDERFUL that You're taking steps to Help Yourself. Good for You! Can i ask You why You can't see a therapist Right Now? You don't have to answer. In any case, i'd suggest reading some self-Help books on the subject. You've already bought some books so that is REALLY Good as well. Hopefully this forum Will Be of Help as Well. Also check out some relaxation And yoga techniques if You Want. SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Whereto52, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
It is WONDERFUL that You're taking steps to Help Yourself. Good for You! Can i ask You why You can't see a therapist Right Now? You don't have to answer. In any case, i'd suggest reading some self-Help books on the subject. You've already bought some books so that is REALLY Good as well. Hopefully this forum Will Be of Help as Well. Also check out some relaxation And yoga techniques if You Want. SEnding many Safe, Warm Hugs to BOTH You, @Whereto52, Your Family, Your FriEnds And ALL of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting And keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
Thanks for all the positivity and kind words
In my country they have an insurance policy regarding therapy sessions. They only cover for 24 sessions or 12(depends on severity of problems) and once they are over one has to wait for 2 years until they can see a therapist again.
It is possible to see a therapist now but they would have to write detailed reports for every session. The insurance company can then check if therapy is helping or not. In case they see no improvent or slow progress they usually cancel all future sessions.

And no therapist wants to do the extra work which is why I must wait until 2022 to see a new one

But yeah, there are a lot of self help books(got three but just find two of them to be helpful) which usually are pretty good. That way I can at least do a bit of work on my own while I wait for the next therapist.
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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 05:59 PM
  #8
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Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Hi, I can relate very much to what you posted here @Whereto52, definitely. Thanks.

What I've been doing is to basically do things, action things, that I believe should help my confidence to grow. If you're unsure about what those things might be for you, then the internet is a great resource to find out the different ways.

Also, stop doing things that you think should help but aren't - like opening up to people who have no supportive words for you. That too can help your confidence to grow by eliminating disressful experiences and basically if you can't find or get the support you need then just try to be your own best friend. Self love. A certain peace can be found within eventually.
Good post! I particularly agree about not opening up to people who have no supportive words. Some people are very low on empathy (and social skills, and even enjoy putting others down. Not cool.)

Trying new things can definitely be positive!

I know you have some great qualities. Low self esteem can eat away at that belief... and opening up to idiots (which I have done at times irl) does not help either

I agree with what mote.of.soul said about self love.

It's great that you have some self help books, that's a very good start We are all here for community and support, its nice to meet you


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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 05:22 AM
  #9
Absolutely @Fuzzybear, yes.

And that's a crucial thing I believe: focusing on ones positive qualities, and being honest about what they might be. Because it's as you say; the low self-esteem wants to eat away at the goodness within the self - absolutely. So, it's a challenge too.

And also recognizing ones own 'not so good' qualities (if we happen to have any, I know I have a few) but taking the bull by the horns and making an effort to mitigate them by trying to grow. I mean, what else can the person do? But my point there is that this attempt to grow as a person is itself a good recognition for ones self confidence which I hope the OP = @Whereto52 will acknowledge in a good way - no minimizing ones efforts.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 10:18 AM
  #10
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Good post! I particularly agree about not opening up to people who have no supportive words. Some people are very low on empathy (and social skills, and even enjoy putting others down. Not cool.)

Trying new things can definitely be positive!

I know you have some great qualities. Low self esteem can eat away at that belief... and opening up to idiots (which I have done at times irl) does not help either

I agree with what mote.of.soul said about self love.

It's great that you have some self help books, that's a very good start We are all here for community and support, its nice to meet you

I find it spefically hard to trust others. Most friendships( or nearly all my friendships) are superficial which is probably a bit my fault.

Thanks for the support and for answering to this thread
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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 10:23 AM
  #11
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Absolutely @Fuzzybear, yes.

And that's a crucial thing I believe: focusing on ones positive qualities, and being honest about what they might be. Because it's as you say; the low self-esteem wants to eat away at the goodness within the self - absolutely. So, it's a challenge too.

And also recognizing ones own 'not so good' qualities (if we happen to have any, I know I have a few) but taking the bull by the horns and making an effort to mitigate them by trying to grow. I mean, what else can the person do? But my point there is that this attempt to grow as a person is itself a good recognition for ones self confidence which I hope the OP = @Whereto52 will acknowledge in a good way - no minimizing ones efforts.
I am kind of bad at seeing any good qualities in myself. There just doesn't seem to be any. I took the time once to write up any good qualities I might posses but came up empty handed.
For the most I know what doesn't seem to be right about me.
How does one find out which good qualities one actually got and which not?
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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 09:24 PM
  #12
Hi @Whereto52

Well, those are three good qualities I see in you already: Has willingness to change. Has level of self awareness. And I get the feeling you're kind of a nice person too, so that's good.

But, yes, it does take time to figure yourself out, and to be able to see who you are as a person.

One way to establish your good qualities would be to see what values you hold dear. You could ask yourself certain questions based on values. Do you like animals? Do you have compassion? Are you respectful to people? Are you considerate of others? Do you yell at kids? Do you put others needs before your own at times? Do you like to pitch in and help? Are you a good worker? Are you polite or do you like being harsh with people, etc? There are many things you could ask yourself, those are just a few basic ones.

Also listing your likes & dislikes can be a way of establishing good qualities, too. You can try that. Also, the internet might have some kind of questioneer you can answer in order to establish good qualities. I'm not sure but I wouldn't be surprised, at all.

So, after contemplating it somewhat, does what I just said make sense to you Whereto52?

I'm not sure how, for example, a therapist would go about helping a person to find their good qualities, but those ideas I just mentioned, I'm pretty sure I picked up through self help avenues.

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Default Dec 09, 2020 at 12:30 PM
  #13
Good post @mote.of.soul

I sometimes find that people who ''think'' they have ''no'' good qualities are amongst the kindest people on the planet (not necessarily but in my experience it's not uncommon)

Are you harsh to others or do you prefer to be kind?
Are you kind to animals?
Do you enjoy pointing out other people's faults (hint.. if no is the answer that is a ''positive'' quality imho..)

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Default Dec 09, 2020 at 04:03 PM
  #14
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Originally Posted by mote.of.soul View Post
Hi @Whereto52

Well, those are three good qualities I see in you already: Has willingness to change. Has level of self awareness. And I get the feeling you're kind of a nice person too, so that's good.

But, yes, it does take time to figure yourself out, and to be able to see who you are as a person.

One way to establish your good qualities would be to see what values you hold dear. You could ask yourself certain questions based on values. Do you like animals? Do you have compassion? Are you respectful to people? Are you considerate of others? Do you yell at kids? Do you put others needs before your own at times? Do you like to pitch in and help? Are you a good worker? Are you polite or do you like being harsh with people, etc? There are many things you could ask yourself, those are just a few basic ones.

Also listing your likes & dislikes can be a way of establishing good qualities, too. You can try that. Also, the internet might have some kind of questioneer you can answer in order to establish good qualities. I'm not sure but I wouldn't be surprised, at all.

So, after contemplating it somewhat, does what I just said make sense to you Whereto52?

I'm not sure how, for example, a therapist would go about helping a person to find their good qualities, but those ideas I just mentioned, I'm pretty sure I picked up through self help avenues.
This would be a good way to start for getting a better picture of who I am
I think I will start with the likes and dislikes first because that would be easier for a first try.
For qualities I really should try to look at what I am feeling, thinking or doing to find what those could be.

Thanks for this good idea
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