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cluelessgal
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Frown Dec 17, 2020 at 04:11 PM
  #1
I am a co-dependent, borderline personality, almost healed from ptsd (slight problems persist), depressed person.

Some time 5 years back, I got this seed in my head to live alone. Now that seed has grown into a tree and has occupied all the space in my head. I see living alone (for a short while) as "the solution" for all my ills.

I can get a sense of independence, reboot the curious side of my brain, slow down time in my head (right now, 1 month feels like 1 week and and 1 hour seems like 15 minutes). Right now, I am very reactive to people and things around me and I feel like I am playing the "role" of a family member. By being alone, I feel I can finally be me. Right now, I spend my whole day getting distracted with social media, binge watching shows and if I have nothing, I have my soap-opera type daydreams in my head.

Now taking another house, even if under rent will cost substantial amount of money, but I can afford it if I push it.....especially it's worth it if it makes me a productive independent person who is inter-dependent as a family member and not co-dependent.

Also, my bro suggests living in a hotel.....but I don't see hotel working for me. I feel I wouldn't get a sense of "home" which I feel is important for healing.

Am I being prissy in seeing only this as a solution or am I being sensible? Has anyone else lived alone and seen any benefit of it?


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Default Dec 17, 2020 at 04:30 PM
  #2
Just a thought. What if you took a month vacation or staycation (AirBNB) somewhere by yourself. Then you would see if you like living by yourself before you take on the extra cost of a mortgage or rent.

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Default Dec 17, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #3
Jerry Wise has videos about self differentiating and growing your self up......i have found him very helpful....
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Default Dec 17, 2020 at 11:26 PM
  #4
I've lived alone for over 30 years now. It seemed like that time went by so fast. I personally like it that way and there's hardly any negative side of it for me. However, during those years, I have lived in apartments and the part I don't like about it is being exposed to other people's noises. Someday I would want to live in a house with no one else very close by.

I lived with my family for a number of years and always hated it. I don't miss it one bit. My sister has opened the option for me to live with her and her family, but I know I would not like it at all.
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Default Dec 18, 2020 at 01:25 AM
  #5
How dependent on your family are you now?

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Default Dec 18, 2020 at 03:04 PM
  #6
@ will19 - Did living alone make you a more functional person? Did you feel more in control when alone?

@ Sarahsweets - Physically not dependent, financially somewhat dependent (I feel if I am alone, I may accomplish more and contribute more to family income) and emotionally very, very dependent. I feel anxious when no one is there to tell me what to do, but I also get frustrated when someone tells me what to do.
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Default Dec 18, 2020 at 04:01 PM
  #7
i don't have a lot of advice to give to you, but i wanted to let you know that i can empathize with your fears and doubts. i currently Live with my parents and the prospect of Living alone just seems rather terrifying to me because i am almost sure i wouldn't be able to handle it. However, i am SURE that you'll be able to manage it. You just need to get used to it, that's all. i'd give it a try. SEnding many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @cluelessgal, your Family, your FriEnds and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Dec 18, 2020 at 04:05 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by cluelessgal View Post
@ will19 - Did living alone make you a more functional person? Did you feel more in control when alone?

I've felt more in control and functional in living alone than living with others. One time, when I was in my early 30s, I lived with my parents and sister for a couple of years. I really hated it. They tried to be controlling. I was glad to leave them and never regretted it. There were some brief times, in my 20s, when I lived with other people who were friends. It was alright but living alone was better.

I personally think that living alone is not for everyone, I guess. I've known others who would rather live with bad people than to be alone. I never could understand that, but that's just me. It sounds like you may be questioning that move. I hope you make the best decision.
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Default Feb 25, 2021 at 02:49 PM
  #9
I have the same situation, i like being alone and not hearing peoples voices. I would totally love spending my life with animals. Whenever i hear people outside i associate it with some kind of threat or unease.
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 09:42 AM
  #10
I like living alone. I like things certain way and it’s easy to accomplish living alone. But when I did live alone, I was rarely home. It would be different during a pandemics. Probably lonely.

I think it depends if you are functional, do you work or get disability check or retirement, can take care of bills and your food and your health. If you cannot afford to be on
your own and cannot take care of the basics, I’d not be moving out. Otherwise why not
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 02:26 PM
  #11
I prefer living alone even during the pandemic. It was somewhat lonely at first, but then I started doing Zoom meetings, so I still connect with other people. I also have a cat. Without him, I don't think I'd be able to handle being on my own. However, I would take finances into consideration. Generally, you can afford your own place if you earn three times the cost of rent. If you earn less than that, living on your own can be challenging, and some places will not even rent to you.
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Default Mar 02, 2021 at 04:41 AM
  #12
As long as you have some things to do during the day such as work or meeting friends, I think living alone is great. I absolutely love living alone. But if you'd be closed indoors all day long with zero social contact, that wouldn't be good.

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