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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#1
I am posting this here to just get out this most tragic news I received last Saturday.
My ex fiance, with whom I had a very tumultuous, troublesome relationship:
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I was deeply impacted by this most horrific news. It's now several days later, and I've been able to process it further. I feel Ok and stabilized now, but at the time, it was very destabilizing and devastating news. Weird thing is, I had written to him in December, with the simple words, "I forgive you". He never received my email because he passed in August. I truly hope he received my message in spirit somehow. What hits home for me the most is that I have been in those same shoes several times in my life. I even:
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So, I could and do empathize immensely with the pain he must have felt and been in to bring him to this point in life. All I felt was empathy after hearing this news. He had hurt me terribly when we broke up. And he had treated me poorly when we were together. But I had forgiven him in December, and I had decided to let that pain go finally. It has been four years since our breakup, and I've been married since. It feels good to just get this out there. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Jan 20, 2021 at 11:59 AM.. |
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avlady, downandlonely, Mendingmysoul, RoxanneToto, SlumberKitty, WastingAsparagus, Werewoman, Yaowen
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pachyderm
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
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#2
Dear Have Hope,
I am so very, very sorry for your loss! Sincerely yours, Yao Wen |
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avlady, Have Hope
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Have Hope
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New Member
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: Streamwood
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#3
What a terrible shock, but I think you have the right attitude and thoughts about it. It's wonderful you've let a lot of those emotions go and have been able to better yourself for it.
I'm sorry for your loss. Despite your rough past together, it still must be an oddly difficult thing. I'm glad you've been able to accept and make peace with everything, you deserve it! |
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Have Hope
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Have Hope, RoxanneToto
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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#4
So Sorry this has happened. It will take time to Grieve your Loss but i think you'll manage. Please do take care of yourself. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#5
Thank you all. I really appreciate each of your posts. Thank you.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary
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#6
I like to think he received your message of forgiveness wherever he is.
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#7
Yes, I would hope he did receive my message in spirit!!!
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Grand Member
Member Since Aug 2019
Location: Here
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#8
I am so sorry dear.Please take care of yourself.Hugs.
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#9
Thank you so much - to everyone here.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#10
I'm so sorry.
__________________ Dum Spiro Spero IC XC NIKA |
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#11
Thank you all soo much.
It's been a week now since I found out. I have had more time to process what happened. I have been quiet on this thread, just processing the situation and his death. I sooooooo now wish that he and I had made up before he decided to end his life. I wish we could have talked again. I wish maybe that I could have helped him somehow. I had hoped to be a positive influence on his life. When we were together, I played the role of savior for him in his life. He used to call me his Angel. I saved him from homelessness, not once but twice. I took him in the first time and I took care of him financially and in every other way. I swooped in once his family kicked him out of the home. I was so in love at the time, I felt compelled to help him. But as soon as we lived together, I learned what trouble he was really in. He was not all together there. He couldn't get his life together, quite sadly and tragically. I learned of his alcohol and drug addiction. I learned that he was an abusive alcoholic. He created tons of drama and stress for me, and lots of raging fights whenever he drank. Plus, he was dragging his heels on getting a job, and I learned he was lying to me all the time and doing drugs behind my back. After a few short months, I kicked him out of the apartment, and he became homeless again. I couldn't take anymore. So he wandered the streets and lived on the streets for one month. Then immense guilt set in, so I bought him a bus ticket home and I convinced his grandmother to allow him back into their home. After I had kicked him out, his own family didn't want him back and didn't want to help him. They allowed him to be homeless. It took an hour on the phone to convince his grandmother to take him back in. Once he got back home, I held onto the relationship for another month or so long distance and then we finally broke up for good. We did not speak for the next four years, except for a few bitter and angry emails. He had hurt me terribly during the final breakup. He told me he had loved his other ex fiance more than me when we finally ended the relationship. I was completely devastated. I had done everything for this man, and I had practically given him the shirt off my back to help him. Hearing those most cruel words shattered my heart into a gazillion pieces. I had loved him very much - when we were long distance at least. When he lived with me, I mainly felt stressed. So that's more of the story of my ex fiance. I just wrote to a woman who helped him after I had kicked him out. She was our neighbor, and he befriended her when he was homeless. I just wrote to her to inform her. I hope it was the right thing to do. I thought she should know of his death. She helped him back then, and I was grateful that he had made a friend who could help. I mainly now just feel sadness and wish we could have made peace before he ended his life. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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downandlonely
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Wise Elder
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#12
I am so sorry for your loss. losing someone by suicide is the worst. guilty feelings rise in our hearts, and helplessness is also felt. i hope you can get over this and i will pray for you.
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#13
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#14
*Update* to this thread. I received contact yesterday out of the blue from a cousin of my ex fiance. She contacted me via Facebook messenger, asking me if I knew who he was in contact with on the internet. Apparently, he was a part of a forum and he met someone online several years back whom his cousin says helped him to commit the act.
She sent me screenshots of a post of his on said forum. Needless to say, I am once again, taken aback and was brought right back to the same feelings I had when I first learned of his tragic death. It does haunt me from time to time - WHY I ask myself.... I mean, I know he was very troubled and beyond depressed. It strikes a chord in me because I have felt hopeless several times in my life and had considered it myself. But I knew I would hurt too many people that way. It's so heartwrenching that his family is left to try to uncover who this person was on the internet who helped him. The whole thing is just gut wrenching and most mind boggling - It's almost exactly a year later from the date of his passing. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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downandlonely, RoxanneToto
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Legendary
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#15
Wow, that is terrible that someone helped him. I understand his family wanting that closure.
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Have Hope
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Have Hope, RoxanneToto
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#16
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
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#17
A year really isn’t a long time when you’re grieving. I am sorry for your loss, I also hope this other person is found and dealt with accordingly.
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,129
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#18
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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RoxanneToto
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