[Noninde]

I made a post in the middle of the night that I never really expected replies to.

I was on a crisis chat online for a while, but they didn't have much of a suggestion.

I've posted to social media and emailed friends.

I have therapy tomorrow with a therapist who has missed the last two appointments but I can't quit her service when I'm in the middle of this quicksand, taking months to build a rapport with someone else isn't something I should explore right now.

Last year was hell on earth; I haven't had time to process. I had two month reprieve and now, there's bad things happening again. I'm triggered, I'm hurting, and I can't control this fear and pain.

I'm sitting here typing this, crying, while on a zoom meeting. I'm absolutely shattered and feeling like my seesaw of sadness and numbness is pushing other people away that I can't get any sort of support.

I'm being ghosted by support persons and passed over for work advancements because I have too much instability and bad luck in my life. I'm a negative pessimist with too much liability.

I'm so tired of everything being out of my control. With negative life events that should be spread out over years, all happening within a few - during a pandemic.

I had a childhood of reaching out for help, begging, and not receiving it. It just feels like more of the same.

I suppose I just need some sort of 'it's not just you, this is hard, and for some reason we seem to have to do it alone.'

[MickeyCheeky]

i am So Sorry that things are being difficult! Unfortunately this pandemic has likely made things harder for many people so i think you're not alone in this. i am So Sorry that you're not finding much support in your Life but i am here and Hopefully many others as well if you just ask! Definitely talk to your therapist about how you're feeling about this and your bond with her. Try to see if you can change therapist if things aren't working out well. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Noninde, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Its not just you and you're not alone. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sucks and it is hard.

[downandlonely]

It is definitely not just you. Keep reaching out on here. Once you have five approved posts, you can access the live chats. Someone is usually there to talk.

[Noninde]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

It is definitely not just you. Keep reaching out on here. Once you have five approved posts, you can access the live chats. Someone is usually there to talk.

Thanks for the tip. I didn't realize that there was a chat.

[*Beth*]

Keep being involved here, and I agree that chat can be super helpful. I definitely understand having a therapist who misses appointments (!!), but...stick with it. It's surprising how many T's habitually miss appointments, but are still good therapists.