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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#1
I did something tonight I think was a stupid decision, and I regret it but I’m mostly feeling mad at myself for even thinking it was an ok thing to do!
I went to the pharmacy for my parents (dad was prescribed with antibiotics by district nurse who came early evening) but thought, since I find it hard to navigate the roads that lead there, I’d park close by and walk. Even though it’s dark and could be dangerous. Got honked at a few times, by people I think were doing it just to be aggressive because I was waiting to cross over the road, not getting in the way, and I cursed myself the whole time for being so stupid. The last time I did something “obviously” stupid was trying to drive to work when it was snowing recently. I’d felt the roads were getting dodgy on the way home from work the day before, so I really should have just phoned in Is there any way to try and fix poor decision making abilities like this? I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, along with a strong possibility of autism and maybe ADHD tendencies, if that makes any difference. Honestly, while I did get back to my car and home safely, I’m just feeling rather ashamed of myself tonight... |
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*Beth*, hvert, unaluna, WovenGalaxy
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
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#2
Well, this is a bit experimental, but have you tried e.g. writing decisions down and reading them out loud to yourself, trying to judge how they sound? Just a thought, not necessarily a good one^^
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#3
It’s a good suggestion, thanks! I can try to remember to do it in future if I don’t have to make on the spot decisions, at least
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AliceKate
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
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#4
It doesn't sound like a dumb decision at all to me, for what it's worth. You made a decision. There were some aspects of the decision that were annoying, but you got the job done and you got out of the house (which I find exciting during this pandemic, lol).
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unaluna
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#5
That’s true, it’s just I was thinking, it’s night, and I’m alone. And I’m still going there, alone. Part of me was excited but in an anxious kind of way. I might have made a rude hand gesture at the last person who honked as they were driving away, too, not that they’d have seen it (I’m not normally provocative, I swear) XD
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unaluna
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#6
i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. i don't think they were particulary awful choices and moments similar to yours can happen to everyone i think. i think writing down the decisions you plan on making is a good idea to at least see if there are any intendend consequences about doing certain things. Please be kind to yourself. i Hope the posts here will help at least a bit. Sorry if i didn't add much. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @RoxanneToto, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#7
It’s always a pleasure to see you post, Mickey, even if you feel you don’t have the answers you wish you did. And thank you. You have all helped put things into a bit more perspective for me, in any case. I’m less angry at myself now.
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
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#8
Oh RoxanneToto, you did nothing wrong. If people were being aggressive and honking for no reason other than to be a jerk, you didn't do anything wrong from what I read in your post. You feel how you feel, but I want to assure you you've done nothing wrong. The world can be a mean and weird place sometimes. I hope you do something tonight that makes you feel good.
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#9
Thank you, WovenGalaxy! My evening since I got home was fairly quiet, I just played a game and talked to mum until we went to bed but it was nice
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WovenGalaxy
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#10
It seems to me a concern that you parked in a place you knew was dangerous. Was it a situation in which you chose to kind-of ignore the potential danger, or where you purposely putting yourself into a dangerous situation?
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2014
Location: US
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#11
Ha ha, sounds like any hand gestures that might have happened were well deserved. I accidentally showed up thirty minutes early to pick up take out a few weeks ago and pulled off the road in a bad spot on a curve right after a major intersection. I never would have done it if I hadn't thought I was there at the right time and if I'd realized how early I was sooner, I would have moved. Anyway, I was shocked at the amount of beeps I heard at this intersection. I am not even sure why people were beeping. Patience is at a premium and you certainly get a different view of the road when you are sitting in one place for a while watching traffic go by.
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RoxanneToto
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RoxanneToto, WovenGalaxy
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#12
Quote:
I’m definitely going to bring this up with T next week and see if she’s got any advice on improving poor judgment. I don’t want to find myself in this kind of situation again. |
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
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#13
Quote:
No, it doesn't sound like a poor excuse. I would view this as a concern only if "taking chances" by putting yourself in dangerous situations is a habit. __________________ |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
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#14
It is my understanding, RoxanneToto, that you were not thinking this was dangerous and you were not thinking rude people were going to honk at you? That was my interpretation. Do I have that right?
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#15
I felt it was a risk, but a lesser risk than the alternative, but you’re right that I didn’t think about how drivers might react to me crossing the road. It’s probably because I’d never consider honking (or yelling) at a pedestrian unless I felt I had a reason to. Which is not when I’m stopped at red lights and they’re just crossing over.
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
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#16
I still don't think you did anything wrong or bad and am wondering if you're being very hard on yourself due to having social anxiety and trauma. Edit: what did you think was risky about it?
I was confused by the tone of BethRags post to you, hence why I asked what I did. Yes feel free to talk to your T. I think this is not something you are at fault for though. Last edited by WovenGalaxy; Mar 22, 2021 at 08:19 AM.. |
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#17
I didn’t really consider who else might have been around, I guess. In this instance I felt like I just had to get it done, one way or another, but there have been a few other times in the past where I’ve put myself in potential danger without truly considering what could happen. I don’t want this to become a habit, and I do realise I’ve probably been lucky nothing bad has happened. I’m just hoping we (me and T) can figure out why I’m doing it and see what we can do to help prevent me doing it in future.
I would like to apologise if I’ve worried or alarmed anyone, that wasn’t my intention at all. The responses have been very helpful, though, so thank you! |
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WovenGalaxy
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*Beth*
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#18
Not every decision we make that could possibly put us in a dangerous position is wrong. I have made those decisions & they were necessary to help the person involved. Mostly I always make sure I have my phone right there with me in situations like that & I make sure I am observant of my surroundings at all times through those situations. I am not adverse to risk in my life & willing to take risks wisely when necessary. My choice to live my life that way. Friends tell me after that they never would have done what I did.....but I know I took the risk wisely & as carefully as possible & the people & animals in the situation also were glad I did.
Just remember, not all risk is bad if we enter wisely observe our surroundings so we know if we need to react to anything while there. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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AliceKate
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AliceKate, RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
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#19
Thanks, eskielover! I did have my phone and a personal alarm in my pocket, I think I just felt really scared going over there and back so maybe that’s a big part of why I questioned myself afterwards. My T said it was good that I’d challenged myself, when we spoke last week, too.
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eskielover, WovenGalaxy
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eskielover, WovenGalaxy
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#20
Quote:
The other time was when my mom was dying of cancer & I was staying with her & caught the home care person abusing her. Police involved, she had connections with my mom's boyfriend & I had no idea what she might do until I got her out of the house. That was a traumatic experience. Guess everything else has been relative to those experiences __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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downandlonely
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