Is there something wrong with my massage therapist?

Recently a friend recommended a massage therapist she says is good. I trusted her, so I went to see him. The first time I met him, he didn't even introduce himself at first after I said I'm so and so here for my appointment. He just stared at me. I don't look weird. Even if I did, that's still rude, especially for a professional.

Then maybe another red flag occurred. He put a lot of painful pressure on me and when I asked him if it's normal for it to be that painful, he said yes and there's no other way around it as that area is sensitive.

I made a note to google that and it's true. My friend said it hurt her too. However, he did tell me that he's not like the people who do massages at spas as he knows the human body and where to put pressure. He never once asked me if the pressure was to much or if it hurt. I was almost always asked that in the past.

Except for the people who didn't speak much English usually. He knows a lot about his profession it seems like, but he could be to full of himself it seems like. What does everyone else here think?

He also had the nerve to tell me during the last session that my skin felt clammy. Wtf? This guy is 42 and not fresh out of school! I doubt he's never felt a slightly damp body before. Especially when it's hot outside!

Was he trying to insult me so I wouldn't come back? Maybe he has enough clients already. He books fast. I'm still in pain. I thought it'd take time to heal, but maybe eh's not as good as he says he is.

I'd appreciate any advice or insight into anything that I wrote.

@jesyka I am sorry you have a massage therapist who does not seem to have very good manners and client relations.

How do you feel the next day after the massage? Your body may tell you how beneficial the massage is. If your body is hurting the next day, that could be an indication that too much pressure is being applied.

For me when I do self massage and find a sensitive area, I keep massaging that longer but not necessarily harder. I let my hands find what my body needs. For me the pressure is the point where it is still feeling good but almost painful. I find massaging myself is the best way to get the right amount of pressure or finding someone that does not overdo the pressure.

Hope you get the support you are looking for.

It sounds like he wasn't listening to you when you said it was painful. I try to find a massage therapist who applies the right amount of pressure and also listens if I say it hurts.

I think he sounds a bit inconsiderate, to be honest. I’ve never had a massage, but I think if I was still hurting (not just a few aches, which I’m guessing would be normal) days after I’d seen a masseuse I’d go elsewhere because isn’t a massage supposed to help relax and soothe your muscles?
I think he probably didn’t get the hint, either, when you asked him about the pressure he was putting on, that maybe it was too much for you. Would you be nervous about being more direct with him, if you went again? Do you think he would listen?

Hi everyone, I was direct with him & I did tell him that the pressure was to hard, but he told me it’s necessary. My face was scrunched up in agony & he told me it’s supposed to hurt.

He definitely has a very high opinion of his expertise & that he’s not like massage therapists in the soas, that he had special training for this, that he knows the body, etc..

He sounded arrogant. Also, the comment he made about my skin feeling clammy was rude & unprofessional.

What do you all think of that? Would that comment offend you too or not?

I’m sure it’s not the first clammy body he’s touched. This guy is 42 btw, so you’d think he’d know better than to say things like that.

I was humiliated as well as hurt physically. I was in a lot if pain for days.

Even my husband & two friends thought he was rude & unprofessional.

Yeah, I don't think he should have mentioned clammy skin either.

I would give him a poor review online so other people know to avoid him.

Hi @jesyka

Not introducing oneself is a red flag, to me: the initial greeting should be established properly. And then being seemingly indifferent to you probably being in pain, is another red flag. If it was me in that situation, I'd feel my trust in this person eroding away very quickly. Because you should come first, he should make you feel comfortable in my opinion.

To the last two responders, you’re right. I really should have left the second I was disrespected.

Why do we not listen to our gut at times? I can’t type much now as I had it with the so called friend who once again was somewhat dismissive of me by saying that he’s just introverted & not for everyone. Really? I’m introverted but not a rude asshole! Wtf?

Out of three women I thought were friends ignored my mental & physical pain like it wasn’t a big deal, wtf?

@jesyka

Yeah, it's a tricky one when it comes to mental health, finding supportive people who 'get it' which is something a lot of us can relate to, yes.

And in terms of the red flags and the ways we assess whether or not something or someone is going to be good for us or at least satisfactory, I think that comes down to each person's individual ways and personal values. That's basically how I approach it. And we don't always know. For me.

So Sorry that you're having a bad experience with this massage therapist. i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about there being some potential red flags. i'd suggest to either ask him to be kinder and if that fails to try to see another massage therapist if possible. So Sorry that you're dealing with this. Please do not give up. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @jesyka, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Not introducing himself was certainly odd. Besides that...hard to tell. I've had plenty of massages in my life from both women and men. I've never had one that wasn't painful at some times. It's up to the client, really, to speak up if the therapist is too heavy-handed (most of them are).

As for remarking that your skin is clammy, I don't exactly understand why that offended you. But doesn't he use massage oil or lotion? He should.

I did give him a one star review, lol. To my surprise, it's his first negative review. I suspect that a lot of his reviews are from people that he knows based on his responses. I recently found out that that one extremely good review was from his own mother which I found to be a bit creepy.

Does anyone else think that's creepy too to have given a massage to your own mom?

Yes, all of those things were red flags! AND I felt panicky the first two times. The third time I had to take valium to calm down. I haven't had to take any for weeks before then! I was stupid to ignore my gut feeling! I should've NEVER come back after the first time!

I agree, a massage isn't supposed to be painful! I was in pain for over a week after the last time! That is NOT normal!

The clammy skin comment was rude as it's like saying someone feels gross or dirty. He shouldn't make clients feel judged. Would you be OK with someone telling you that your skin feels clammy during a massage?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka I did give him a one star review, lol. To my surprise, it's his first negative review. I suspect that a lot of his reviews are from people that he knows based on his responses. I recently found out that that one extremely good review was from his own mother which I found to be a bit creepy. Does anyone else think that's creepy too to have given a massage to your own mom?

No, I don't think it's creepy. Therapeutic massage is not intended to be a sexual thing. It's purpose is to help heal the body. It sounds like you're unsure of the role of a massage therapist.

My mom has given me massages. She's not a professional though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesyka The clammy skin comment was rude as it's like saying someone feels gross or dirty. He shouldn't make clients feel judged. Would you be OK with someone telling you that your skin feels clammy during a massage?

Sine a massage therapist is a health practitioner, his comment about 'clammy skin' may be something he noticed indicating your overall health, or your anxiety.

It sounds like you are not comfortable with the massage treatment. You'd be better off not returning, imo.

Listen to your gut. Go check out another massage therapist. Then make a comparison. You can always go back to this guy. But give someone else a shot. I think you can do better.

I think massage therapy is one of those things where you have to really trust and feel comfortable with the therapist. For me personally I would not go back to a therapist who made me feel uncomfortable.

It is normal for some manoeuvres to bring discomfort with sports massage (physio type) which is to target an issue as opposed to the spa type relaxation massage, that is true. However a good therapist would ease back if you told them it was too painful. Again, this is why it's essential to trust your therapist.

Once you do get a good massage therapist who is proficient and you trust you won't have any worrying concerns like you do with this one. Good luck!

Thanks, I did. I need someone who'll listen to me instead of using excessive pressure on me to the point to where I'm in extreme pain.

You're right about what you said. I need to feel comfortable with a therapist and they need to also respect my needs. When something is to painful, they shouldn't keep on hurting me just because their other clients put up with it or something like that. Everyone is different. I don't like the cookie cutter approach to thiings.

It sounds like YOU had negative experiences with him and that's enough for you to find someone new.

As for the clammy skin comment, try not to assume and ask the right questions. I agree, it would have been professional to explain to you why he pointed this out.