[Noninde]

They always say don't make decisions for at least a year after a major traumatic event or loss... but what if you don't have that time?

I've been in light fight or flight mode for around 4-6 years. Extreme version of it for just over a year.

Currently back to absolute top of the line peak levels.
In addition to dealing with three bereavements, we've been forced from our home every few months, And at the end of 2020 we decided 'screw it, we're moving to a different city, maybe people there won't be so terrible, maybe we'll have some luck'.
It's 3 months later, people were just as terrible, we have had more bad luck, and I'm at the point of 'maybe the city I left 3 years ago would be ok, maybe I need to put all my stuff in storage and move back to my home country for a while if not forever.'

We are... out of time. We were out of time late last year when our lease ran out, and while we have some months right now, to put things in motion, to buy a house (houses here sell within days, maybe a week or two at most), we have to be fast and essentially make decision when we're not in a safe position to do so. If we can't find a house, we have to put in motion our visas so we can leave. We need to make that decision and be certain because once it's started, it can't be stopped.

There are days/times I don't know where I am because we've been forced to move so much, because I'm so mentally ill due to external pressures and ongoing situations.

I don't know how to balance my near constant unbreakable mental state, 'I need to run, I need safety, I'm not safe here, maybe if I just..." while not making rash decisions, buying a terrible and far away home just to have some stability and control over my own life, but in turn only managing to harm mental state further.

How do you balance it?

Heck, I have a friend right now who's asked I join them for an unplanned vacation in a week's time. It's painful to imagine it, it's painful to think of the instability and unknowing nature of it, "should I go, should I not, how will I get there, what will we do, how will I find food, where will I sleep?" - let alone "hey should I repack everything I just finished unpacking over 3 months and spend minimum of $800K on a house I don't feel totally comfortable with or have even had a few days to really mull over just so I can have at least a few months where I don't feel like I'm constantly in danger?" (yes houses are that expensive here and can sell within hours).

[AliceKate]

I cannot answer these questions for you, but I know what you mean. I live in my hometown now, but I was moving around every few months the 3 years before that. It is tedious on the one hand because you never really get to know people and it is nice, because you do not ever have to get yoursef well enough to explain.

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear @Noninde, I am praying for guidance for you from God so you will know the best thing to do for your safety. And I wish you better mental health, & happiness. Best of luck to you! Take care.

[MickeyCheeky]

i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. i Hope and Pray things will turn around for you and that you will be able to find some stability and Hopefully an Home you find comfortable in. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Noninde, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry you're suffering right now. Hope your next move will be to a more permanent location.

[mote.of.soul]

What about regular counseling sessions @Noninde? You can put all of those questions to her/him and get a supportive response, as you go.