How do you cope with loneliness (not covid related)

How do you cope with loneliness? I have friends who live far away from me so I can only visit a couple times a year. I'm 33 single, my mum died in October, I don't even have siblings. My only relative in my daily life is my father.

I work in a shop in the mornings and a private tutor in the afternoons. But although I've been denying this for years, I'm suddenly starting to feel extremely lonely and isolated.

This is a tiny town (perhaps a village) with extremely limited social options. There are a few people with whom I went for a walk a few times last year, but they are a formed group and when I go with them I feel like I'm a stranger, like I don't belong.

There's only one volunteer group I know of and that's cleaning up litter. I went with them a few times, too but again, it's like we clean, go for a beer and then everyone goes home. It's not like I can make friends there...

I can't drive due to health reasons. So can't go to other towns much, only by bus or train.

I tried online dating sites but so far everyone has stopped messaging immediately when I sent them my photo ( I've got a minor genetic issue on my face. Nothing too terrible but well... It puts me into friend zone)

I'm sorry not sure what my question even is... Perhaps can you relate? Or give any advice?

I understand. Both of my parents are long gone. I was divorced 20 years ago and haven't really had a relationship of any duration since. My only relative is my brother and at present he seems to be distancing himself from me. I have one actual, in person friend but we only talk every few weeks, because we've both got fairly simple lives without a lot going on. We do get coffee every month or so and that always means everything to me. There was a long 8 month period in the last year where we didn't see each other and things were a challenge.

I do have 2 dogs, rescues, that mean the world to me. They don't provide a lot of interaction, as they sleep a lot now because we're just coming out of the winter. But I am not alone, alone. I walk them 4 or more times per day. The fresh air and exercise helps a lot. They sleep with me at night and when it gets cold they like to snuggle close to me. Having them bump me in the night is comforting. Are you able to get a pet? Having companionship and the need to take care of them might help get your mind off of things. And I did get some social engagement when I took them to the park to walk. The other dog walkers wanted to let their pups meet mine and we shared a few words. Might be better than nothing.

Not sure about where you live in Europe, but what about taking classes? Might not be able to do them in person yet, but maybe some online courses will allow you to have some interaction?

My dad used to live in a fairly small town and he dealt with his loneliness by hanging out at a local convenience store and becoming friends with the owner. It was a big outdoor (hunting, fishing) town, so he fit right in with the people coming in and made a few friends there.

If there is one thing I know about this site it's that it take an inordinate amount of time to become "part of" the group. While your walking group might not be including you as much as you'd like, if you keep going, you will eventually be part of their group. A lot of that kind of thing just takes time and patience. Enjoy the companionship, even if only for the duration of the walk. Or start your own group?

I think the current state of the world is leading to a lot of people feeling isolated. Humans are designed to be social creatures, so it hardwired into us. I'm an introvert, but even I get lonely. So, know that you are so totally not the only one to feel isolated and lonely. But if you adjust what "social" means to you, you can find others to share time with. There may be people in your village who are more lonely than you. If you can find a way to engage with them, you get relief for yourself and you get to help someone else, which always feels good.

Just some thoughts. Hope they help.

Thank you, Agent, for your warm and empathetic words. I can totally relate to the joy of having pets. Dogs are excellent companions and as you say, the added bonus is they encourage people to talk to you. I've got a cat, who isn't as cuddly as a f dog, but she can cheer me up and provide distraction, too.

It's so great you've got an in person friend, I know how much it must mean to you to be able to have a coffee with him!

I've began taking piano lessons a few weeks ago and it's pretty positive. I'm forced to practice so that gives me something to do.

I hope I'll be able to join the walking group sometime again...

If you want, you're welcome to message me any time you want. Don't worry that not much is going on in your life. I don't do anything either. I'm extremely boring person.

So Sorry for your Losses! i agree with the wise and wonderful AgentQ9A about perhaps other people feeling isolated as well because of the pandemic and about getting some pets perhaps. i think you're not alone in feeling this if that can help slightly. i think looking for clubs near your city and online groups may be a solution but it seems like you've already tried that. Perhaps looking into small cities near you may be an option although traveling without car may prove a bit difficult. i Hope you will be able to find some people and to cope with loneliness. Try to focus on some hobbies to do by yourself as well. i think that may Help. So Sorry if i am not particularly Helpful but i am here if you need someone to listen. Sending many Safe, Warm hugs to ALL of you, @seeker33, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I agree patience is important when joining groups, Rome wasn't built in a day.

Whenever I've joined anything I've found it helpful to just enjoy whatever company comes my way, but in my experience friendships will develop over time. You sound like you're doing everything right to increase your socialising.

It can feel a little disheartening sometimes but that's natural too. Stick in there and post here as often as is helpful to you.

I’m lonely too
And I can’t seem to connect
Even on here
I was hoping to talk to others, but I don’t know how to do this

Same here with me. I've felt like I've had some loneliness before the pandemic hit. I'm introverted and don't feel like I need a lot of friends. All along for a while I only had one friend who is local. And my sister, who is far away, as the only one in my family to talk to on the phone. No personal visits with either of them. But now I've let them both go, leaving me with nothing.

My friend had constantly criticized me and being corrective. He rarely ever said anything complimentary. It all got on my nerves. My sister barely calls me just once a week; and when she calls, she sounds very tired. It's a drag talking to her; plus she gets a lot of interruptions.

There are times it's difficult to deal with being alone, but since I'm introverted, I think it's easier for me than it is for other people. I don't have any advice to give. I've received a lot of advice from others on what I should do. I had tried them all and nothing worked.

I’m very similar to will19, I do get lonely but it’s a lot less often than non-introverts seem to. However, I can relate to some of what you wrote - I did go to a walking group years ago in the hopes of making new friends, but nothing really happened which disappointed me a bit. I was still very much in my shell, too, which wasn’t helping. But I agree, it takes more time than one might realise to become one of the group, as long as said groups aren’t cliquey to start with. I genuinely hope, in spite of how you feel now, that happens for you with the cleaning group I know you’re a better judge of the situation than us, but it would be nice if it did.

I have found that online groups helped me a lot when I was isolating due to Covid in the past year.

I'm alone so much that I don't know if I'm lonely, or not. I think I prefer people around me, but not too much in my space. As in, a city environment. I share my home with 5 cats and they really keep me company. I am married, but my husband and I don't live together. We do see each other most days for a couple of hours. I have 2 grown children, but see them only a few times per year...mostly we message each other on Facebook. But most of my days I spend alone, hour after hour. I do wish I had more to look forward to. I just don't know, usually I just feel stuck. Stuck not feeling like I want to be with people, yet feeling isolated and dull.

Volunteer work? Can you start a new hobby you can sell and connect others with through craft? Is there a part-time job you can take on that can connect you to others?

I would push for finding things to keep yourself preoccupied.

I often visit our neighborhood coffee shop and throughout the years, I've made new acquaintances I end up having coffee with. A couple of them turned into a casual friendship.

Do you have a dog? Dog walkers meet people all the time.

Continue with the online dating. Don't give up!

I am a rock. I am an island. I got acclimated to being alone after my father died. I have kitty.

LOL did you quote this from a children's book, "Petra"?

It is a classic Simon and Garfunkel song.

I wouldn't give up with the online dating. New hobby? Some good friendships could come from this. It does take a long time to make close bonds in a new group (for most people)