[RoxanneToto]

I’m not even sure if this is the right forum for this, but I was looking at Ancestry today after having lunch with my friend. Background - we happened to meet a guy doing horoscope charts. I don’t have a firm belief in astrology, but he was very interesting to talk to, so I thought I’d visit his site later on anyway. He said he needed birth times to make his charts, which I don’t know because I was adopted. I’m in the process of trying to access my records.
Anyway, I started messing around looking up how to find out, not that I was serious about knowing, just curious. Ended up on ancestry, looking to see if I could find any bio relatives. This turned up the correct spelling of my mum’s surname, which I’d only ever heard, not seen written down, but not much else. Put her name in Google and found a news article which, from what I did know about her, strongly suggested that she died in 2013.
My arms went kind of numb for a few minutes and I just started kicking myself, because I actually did get the chance to meet her when I was 17. I’d met my bio brother’s fiancé walking over the bridge one lunchtime, and she just very casually suggested going with her (which I thought was weird at the time - I hadn’t had any contact with her since I was taken away, and I had literally no way of knowing how she would react to me just turning up on her doorstep).
I spoke to her, once, for less than 10 seconds. I’d called my “brother’s” mobile phone wanting to speak to him, but she was very… abrupt, I guess, saying she couldn’t help me. I’m sure now that she knew who I was. That was the end of the already scant amount of contact I had with my bio family.
My brother was enthusiastic about getting to know me initially, after he introduced himself, but it didn’t last very long. By the time of this phone call he was being very elusive; before that he’d gone “hot and cold” too. I look back and think it must have been difficult for him, but at the time I didn’t understand why he was being like that and the whole thing pissed me off, because he was the one to find me, and he’d breached confidentiality to do it.
Two of the strangest things - her middle name is the same as my first, just slightly different spelling (it’s a popular name, granted, but it still amazed me), and I remember having a dream about her that involved her death being reported in the news, but my dream didn’t specify the cause. I don’t remember what year, but I very likely wrote it down at the time, as I used to be very keen on keeping a diary.
I’ve been trying to see if there are any photos of her online. I didn’t expect to find anything, and haven’t, but I’ve never seen what she looks like and have always been curious. Looking in the mirror just doesn’t cut it, lol.

[downandlonely]

Wow, what a discovery! I don't know how I'd feel about looking up biological family.

I was not adopted, but used to wish I was because my mom was always telling me that she had never wanted kids.

[unaluna]

Roxanne, im so sorry.

Maybe try high school yearbooks? In the US, they have been put online by classmates.com.

[RoxanneToto]

I’m sorry to hear that, downandlonely, but I can understand why you’d feel that way, if you were being told you weren’t wanted I have no idea how my mother felt about me, though my brother said she got upset when he told her he’d found me. There are many ways I could interpret that, however.
Thanks, unaluna - I’m not sure we have high school yearbooks in the UK at all, but thank you for the suggestion. There might still be a small chance of finding something similar. I’m even considering going back to Facebook, though only for this. I deactivated my account after I split with my ex and until now I haven’t looked back!