How to stop giving nasty strangers mental real estate?

Well, it was hard on me to be laughed at so much when I was younger but I have gotten to the point I just don't care anymore whether someone does or not. I have shut down and I can get nasty back too. They can just go and crawl in their little cubbyhole where they belong.

alive99, you can use the f word on them if it gets too much.

Thanks, I think you meant this advice for OP though?

Btw I do use the f word in some situations, but with strangers in the street I usually don't do it, I usually just ignore strangers that try to f*** around. I think usually that's best really. Though there was this guy once who tried to grab my arm, because he thought I was intentionally not paying attention to whatever he was saying to me (I just didn't hear them though). That was because he wanted to get help for some old woman but I didn't know that's what he wanted. I just saw him grabbing my arm and treating me like a piece of sh** totally unwarranted. I hit the guy in the end.

Anyway, for the obvious reasons I don't usually recommend getting into fights with strangers. But for some reason this incident came up recently in memory for me. It was years ago.

I too, for several reasons, can find negative/ confusing/ impromptu 'nasty' interactions with strangers to be very jarring. The effects can rattle me for days.

I usually try and calmly analyze, when I am able, the reasons behind why I feel so upset.

For example: Since this has happened, am I upset because I haven't really done anything to encourage their nastiness? Probably. It's confusing and unsettling to experience bad & completely inappropriate behaviour like this, unprovoked.

Is it because it's happened in public, and because of my history with a certain soulless relative, I feel extremely vulnerable to public humiliations, still, even at my advanced age? Very likely. (Same as above.)

Could my social anxiety be contributing to the length of time I feel so rotten and victimized by it all? Absolutely, yes. So give yourself time to unwind, and try and concentrate on other positive, healthy things 'til you get there.

There are other questions I probably ask myself, but you get the idea. Once I deduce what those people really WERE the ones responsible, and that THEY are solely liable for their strange & angry behaviours, I can relax a little and know that I handled it pretty well by remaining calm and neutral. This way, THEY end up with egg on their faces. I walk away looking in-control and unflustered (which, of course, I'm not---but no one but me knows that!).

It can take time and patient practice at handling pressure situations with grace and aplomb. A sense of humor, and a good understanding of your own rich, inner life can go a long way to helping us get through this stuff unscathed.

The world is a pretty stressed-out place at the moment. People can behave badly in an atmosphere like this.

Just remember: Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost I too, for several reasons, can find negative/ confusing/ impromptu 'nasty' interactions with strangers to be very jarring. The effects can rattle me for days. I usually try and calmly analyze, when I am able, the reasons behind why I feel so upset. For example: Since this has happened, am I upset because I haven't really done anything to encourage their nastiness? Probably. It's confusing and unsettling to experience bad & completely inappropriate behaviour like this, unprovoked. Is it because it's happened in public, and because of my history with a certain soulless relative, I feel extremely vulnerable to public humiliations, still, even at my advanced age? Very likely. (Same as above.) Could my social anxiety be contributing to the length of time I feel so rotten and victimized by it all? Absolutely, yes. So give yourself time to unwind, and try and concentrate on other positive, healthy things 'til you get there. There are other questions I probably ask myself, but you get the idea. Once I deduce what those people really WERE the ones responsible, and that THEY are solely liable for their strange & angry behaviours, I can relax a little and know that I handled it pretty well by remaining calm and neutral. This way, THEY end up with egg on their faces. I walk away looking in-control and unflustered (which, of course, I'm not---but no one but me knows that!). It can take time and patient practice at handling pressure situations with grace and aplomb. A sense of humor, and a good understanding of your own rich, inner life can go a long way to helping us get through this stuff unscathed. The world is a pretty stressed-out place at the moment. People can behave badly in an atmosphere like this. Just remember: Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

I am thinking from this that sometimes people may perceive my actions as being nasty even though to me they are setting g firm boundaries & taking action for my own self care.

Which makes me realize there are 2 sides to many perceptions & experiences.

I had a guy from high school/college reconnect after years. I found his interfacing to be unacceptable to my existence. I tried to explain for awhile & he was clueless. I unfriended him & after a month he messaged me a message that still showed he was clueless. I finally just blocked him after that. I am sure he felt my reaction was nasty & uncalled for because he was so totally clueless as to how his actions affected me. I had been married to a guy for 33 years who was also clueless & I am betting he totally blamed me as the bad person when I left him. Ok, so not literally "nasty strangers" but in reality they were strangers & I know both held onto my actions as mental real estate while I had a totally freeing reaction to both situations.

Relationships & reactions are complicated things but how we react can sometimes be how we wish it had gone even with strangers rather than the reality of what actually happened.

I appreciate all the responses, glad I found this thread again actually! I just don’t understand why strangers have to make any comments in passing, unless just saying hello to be polite, but I was going home from the shop and this guy said something like “it can’t be that hard to walk” in an annoyed tone of voice as I went by. Dunno why it was annoying for him to see, though. It’s literally just a woman walking past… Well, thanks for making assumptions anyway, you stupid dude, because actually it is “that hard to walk”. I have sensitive feet (admittedly, I should get shoes with better support rather than these flat soled ankle boots) and this path has lots of little sharp stones everywhere. I’ve also been at work all day, at a non desk job. I didn’t say anything because I always come off worse if I do, but I seriously don’t need to justify myself to these people. And I think it’s time I got plain shirts to wear outside of work (we’re discouraged from wearing our uniform tops if we get sent out somewhere). My current ones have tigers on, which strangers just love to make comments about.
Just had to rant, sorry.