[pachyderm]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...0dd_story.html

"Responses to ‘How are you?’ when you’re anything but fine"

Have to learn to deal with this...

[Fuzzybear]

[lizardlady]

I have fibro which means many days I am in pain and exhausted. A previous boss asked me how I was one day when it was obvious I felt horrible so I gave Har an honest answer. In a stern voice she told me "I never want to here anything, but wonderful when I ask that question." As a result now when people who know the story ask how I am I say "WONDERFUL!" in an overly cheerful tone of voice.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...0dd_story.html

"Responses to ‘How are you?’ when you’re anything but fine"

Have to learn to deal with this...

This has always been one of my pet peeves. I wish we would get rid of the stupid, meaningless custom. I mean it's really a greeting not an actual/honest question. Depending on who's asking, sometimes I'm honest.

Anyway, especially during THESE TIMES, it seems some people still expect the expected "fine" or "okay". The stupid question bothers me so much, I even asked my therapist to stop asking me that even though I can be honest with HER. It's just triggering, cause so many people "ask" but aren't REALLY asking so no real answer to them.

I read somewhere that not all cultures do this, including asking what one makes. It's considered rude in some cultures. We do a lot of superficial, "cheerful" so-called pleasantries in this country that it's bad for people really suffering. Christ, just the garage calling me to say my car is ready HAD to ask me "How are you?"

I've never been comfortable with the question "so what do you do?" Its really dumb.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...0dd_story.html

"Responses to ‘How are you?’ when you’re anything but fine"

Have to learn to deal with this...

I just lie, what’s the point of telling the truth?

[seesaw]

I usually respond with "still alive" and that gets a chuckle and some understanding.

when someone asks me the question, I always respond with how I'm feeling

never been able to hide my emotions, wear a mask, or everything else people call it

if people don't like the answer it isn't really my problem. they asked the question, so..

I find it a rather annoying question though, specially since people I find are generally not interested- they just ask out of politeness

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

I have fibro which means many days I am in pain and exhausted. A previous boss asked me how I was one day when it was obvious I felt horrible so I gave Har an honest answer. In a stern voice she told me "I never want to here anything, but wonderful when I ask that question."

No wonder there is so much mental distress in this society.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

when someone asks me the question, I always respond with how I'm feeling

never been able to hide my emotions, wear a mask, or everything else people call it

if people don't like the answer it isn't really my problem. they asked the question, so..

I find it a rather annoying question though, specially since people I find are generally not interested- they just ask out of politeness

Maybe the translation of "how are you?" should be "ask ME how I am"

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

I've never been comfortable with the question "so what do you do?" Its really dumb.

Hate that too! Why do we define people by what they DO? What if you're unemployed? I actually said that to people before, and the subject is dropped thankfully. As kids we're asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" implying that we are not ALREADY SOMEBODY. We have to "be something", pick an occupation.

Hey, Pachy!

Good topic!

[downandlonely]

Sometimes I am honest if I'm not doing well. Sometimes I say "hanging in there" as it might not be a good day but I'm doing my best to make it through.

It is an odd question. I had a friend from China who told me that there they ask "Have you eaten" instead of "How are you?" That one, I would not feel as weird about answering, lol.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Sometimes I am honest if I'm not doing well. Sometimes I say "hanging in there" as it might not be a good day but I'm doing my best to make it through.

It is an odd question. I had a friend from China who told me that there they ask "Have you eaten" instead of "How are you?" That one, I would not feel as weird about answering, lol.

I did some research on this stupid custom, and it's centuries old. Plus, it USED to be meant literally, as in how is one's health. I couldn't find how it evolved into a meaningless phrase which is a waste of time and breath.

There's a woman in my building who's so overly perky and cheerful when she asks "How are you?" that I try to avoid her when I can.

About food, I can always go for that! I wouldn't feel weird at that question either! "No, but I could go for a muffin and coffee. How about you?"

[*Beth*]

When I ask someone "How are you?" I only say it when I really mean it. I stop and listen to the person, because I really want to know how the person is. Our culture fosters speed in almost everything we do and I feel sad when someone doesn't give me a genuine answer.

[eskielover]

So, the people I really know, I ask specifics like "how is your high blood pressure going". For people I really don't know well, "How are you?" Is just a greeting. Shoot, around here, it is not unusual to ask how someone's horse is.

We listen, & when we don't have time in our days, "fine" is a perfectly good answer & no one gets upset by whatever answer they are given. Maybe country living in life's more laid back state resolves some of the uprightness that people in the city seem to get upset by.

I admit I'm sometimes guilty of asking "how's it going?" to people, when I really don't care. Its a reflex behavior, possibly to fill awkward space.

[tigerdove]

It depends who I'm talking to.

[Jelzig65]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifes...0dd_story.html

"Responses to ‘How are you?’ when you’re anything but fine"

Have to learn to deal with this...

Realistically, I think the greeting should go. There are a million other greetings and this one bites too hard. 'How are you?' yep just great, (am liar) people get all weird if you fess up, so we fake it.