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Question Nov 18, 2021 at 06:04 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I'm in Texas, so every adult woman gets called ma'am. I don't really like it, but I'm used to it.
I've heard about Southern hospitality and manners, esp. towards women. So is this true for the most part?

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How has the Pandemic affected your mental health?

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How has the Pandemic affected your mental health?

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Default Nov 18, 2021 at 06:15 PM
  #22
Things like saying ma'am and opening the door, yes. But personally I'd rather be treated like an equal. I am capable of opening doors.
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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 03:33 AM
  #23
I was in the military, and I'm a veteran of both the military and police reserve (I graduated, but I was super young and not old enough yet for the academy - you have to be 21, and I was 19; I decided to enlist in the military after POST 832 certification). I'll use "ma'am" sometimes within those contexts or out of respect. I also use "sir" occasionally.

In the military, it is customary for the lower ranks to get the door (the hatch) for their superiors. It's not seen as an act of weakness on the part of the person whose door is being opened at all, but rather as an act of respect.

In civilian terms, however, and especially in feminist terms, it might be seen more as the opposite of the above. It's really hard when certain customs are "lost in translation" since our pluralistic society comprises body and speech-based languages that don't seem to agree in meaning across all subcultures within American society.

But I try to respect people's wishes or the overall culture of the region I'm in. If I know that "ma'am" or opening doors for others are offensive, I just won't do it. If I'm unsure, I also won't do it. If I feel comfortable or have a brain fart, then I'll probably slip and do it.

If my dissociation is running high, I might also do it.
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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 09:16 AM
  #24
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
I'm in Texas, so every adult woman gets called ma'am. I don't really like it, but I'm used to it.
Very much southern and Texas manners. It isn't meant in any sort of a disparaging way. It is truly respectful manners and extremely commonplace. Most of us don't even think about it - it is just such habit of interaction.

For me, it feels really weird when I am in an area where that is not the norm. I remember my husband and I traveling out of state to a New England area, and we found people to be rather rude in general. They probably weren't in all actuality, but we rarely heard an "excuse me" or "thank you," much less "sir" or "ma'am." It "felt" rude although it probably wasn't. But it goes to show how different areas of the country have different cultural norms, and rather than assuming one area is less respectful than another or has some ill-intent than another, remembering that those norms of etiquette, etc. are simply different rather than better/worse can go a long way to simply accepting our differences. (I still prefer southern traditions of etiquette though. LOL).
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Unhappy Nov 19, 2021 at 01:39 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
Things like saying ma'am and opening the door, yes. But personally I'd rather be treated like an equal. I am capable of opening doors.
Yeah me too, but I still like it when a man holds a door for me. And I hold them open for THEM as well! And they usually thank me!


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For me, it feels really weird when I am in an area where that is not the norm. I remember my husband and I traveling out of state to a New England area, and we found people to be rather rude in general. They probably weren't in all actuality, but we rarely heard an "excuse me" or "thank you," much less "sir" or "ma'am." It "felt" rude although it probably wasn't. But it goes to show how different areas of the country have different cultural norms, and rather than assuming one area is less respectful than another or has some ill-intent than another, remembering that those norms of etiquette, etc. are simply different rather than better/worse can go a long way to simply accepting our differences. (I still prefer southern traditions of etiquette though. LOL).
I also prefer the good manners of the south, as long as it's sincere. That's true for anything really and I'd rather have sincere rudeness than phony politeness.

Still, people don't say "excuse me" or "thank you" or "you're welcome" here. I think it's awful, whether intentional or not. Especially during these times. Is it really that hard to say two words like "thank you" or one word, "Thanks"? But people don't do it. No hello, no good morning in my building. I only get those greetings at businesses.

I've tried saying hello to neighbors and get hostile glares or confused looks, no hello back. I once picked up a parcel for a neighbor since it was sitting in the lobby for days. We were having problems with thefts then, not so much now.

I put it by his door where it was much safer rather than in the lobby.

He didn't thank me. I haven't done it since.


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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 06:01 PM
  #26
I will say that talking to strangers you encounter in the grocery store or doctor's office seems a lot more common in the South. In the North, it seems like people mind their own business.
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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 11:25 PM
  #27
I just wanted to validate what you posted @SprinkL3 and offer my support to you. I felt like your question was clear.. "how has the pandemic affected your mental health" and I felt like you were also clear that "if the pandemic affected your mental health" was not a desired part of the discussion. In fact if I saw the thread title and felt that the pandemic didnt affect my mental health at all I wouldnt even feel compelled to participate but thats just me.
The pandemic made my bad habit of worrying and projecting so much worse. I have sort of come up with my own coping skills for this. I taught myself to give each worry no matter how dumb, a minute to be worried about but then that is it for the day. Then I set it down, and move on to the next worry. This way I still worry but instead of worrying about ALL of it ALL at once I give each thing its own moment. Somehow its helped me manage.
My worrying was off the hook in 2020 vs now. My daughter was pregnant in 2020- actually my grandson was born 5/2020- and they wouldnt let me be with her. I met my grandson wearing masks. And so it went from worry about her to worry about him.....

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Privilege is telling people with mental issues that they don't have any mental issues, which implies that they shouldn't or that they are to blame for having mental issues. Mental issues are not a choice; they just happen. Sadly, some people feel the need to make even mental health political, which is still a problem with this pandemic, as it relates to this thread even.

Such responses make me feel more depressed because my mental health has worsened. So, for those who weren't affected at all by the pandemic, good for you. But could you please refrain from stating so here? It hurts my feelings, and it detracts from others who might be willing to share. It hurst because I never see people going into the PTSD thread where I go saying that they weren't affected. They go there when they are affected or when they could share some words of comfort. Just leaving a blanket statement about "It didn't affect me," is NOT what the question asked. It asked HOW has the pandemic affected you (NOT *IF* the pandemic has affected you). There's a difference, which I highlighted in the original post, but sometimes people and their politics becomes a personality disorder that affects people like me, who have lost health, loved ones to Covid-19, relationships, safety, and more.

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Heart Nov 20, 2021 at 12:29 AM
  #28
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I just wanted to validate what you posted ... and offer my support to you. I felt like your question was clear.. "how has the pandemic affected your mental health" and I felt like you were also clear that "if the pandemic affected your mental health" was not a desired part of the discussion. In fact if I saw the thread title and felt that the pandemic didnt affect my mental health at all I wouldnt even feel compelled to participate but thats just me.
@sarahsweets - Thank you so much for validating me and understand where I was coming from. I was a little hurt, but I was also concerned about other people getting hurt by feeling out of place if their pandemic experiences did affect their mental health. That's really what this thread is about, and it's about supporting one another through their struggles.

I wasn't trying to be one-sided politically either. I do care about people who felt scared or suicidal during the initial lockdowns, or who feel like their loss of freedoms remind them of their parents inflicting too many rules (like smothering helicopter parents or very controlling parents, etc.), or who are upset because they lost friendships for whatever reason.

Of course, I was also including those of us who are dealing with grief and loss issues (related to any loss), dealing with physical health affecting mental health, dealing with medical traumas, dealing with losing relationships due to someone falling ill and disabled within the family, dealing with racial traumas, dealing with pandemic stress, dealing with neighborhood violence surrounding the pandemic (including school bullying in college or for your children at school, workplace bullying and pressure, neighborhood bullying and pressure), dealing with fears of dying or becoming severely disabled from Covid-19, dealing with many other things as well.

What most people may not understand about my question regarding "mental health" is that mental health does NOT necessarily equal "mental disorder" or "mental illness." It could be something as simple as acute (short-term) adjustment issues, short-term psychosocial effects such as relational loss, Covid-19-related bereavement, added stress affecting our normative routines, etc. Mental health could also mean a positive change, too, such as when I posted in another area on how I quit smoking because of this specific pandemic, and how I've become more health-conscious and weight-conscious. I had no idea that metabolic disorder (including obesity) could be risk for premature death from many viruses, including the flu, the many different coronaviruses, the many different SARS, tuberculosis, hepatitis, and more. All of these communicable diseases seemed like something under control until this pandemic revealed how at-risk certain populations are. These things change our behaviors and decision-making, change our stress levels, and thus change our mental health in some way. That's all I was getting at.

Anything non-pandemic related gets pretty decent feedback, where people aren't attacking one another on whether or not some stimulus affected them mentally. But if you say "pandemic" anything, those who are upset with speaking about the pandemic will respond negatively (and are therefore experiencing that as a mental stressor, psychosocial stressor, and symptom of having experienced a change in mental health - all while denying that it has affected them, their mood, their reaction to others, their relationships, their belief systems, their attitudes, and their anger/agitation/frustration/aggression behavioral responses). Mental health involves more than mental illness; it also involves non-disordered mental reactions, psychosocial effects, and even positive reactions to certain environmental stimuli.

Quote:
The pandemic made my bad habit of worrying and projecting so much worse. I have sort of come up with my own coping skills for this. I taught myself to give each worry no matter how dumb, a minute to be worried about but then that is it for the day. Then I set it down, and move on to the next worry. This way I still worry but instead of worrying about ALL of it ALL at once I give each thing its own moment. Somehow its helped me manage.
I like your "pacing and containing" one worry at a time! I'm going to try that. Thank you for this advice!

My T helps me to find safety whenever I am feeling overwhelmed with too many things. I worry all the time. I worry about my friends, my family, my T, and myself. I worry especially about my daughter, whom I have yet to meet after I placed her for adoption many years ago. I want everyone to be healthy and alive, and I don't want to lose any more people. I've already lost a friend in Texas to Covid-19. My other family have experienced illness and deteriorating health from surviving Covid-19. It also affects our pocketbooks whenever we deal with medical expenses. So I worry about everyone's overall well-being. I especially worry about people's safety in this very polarized, hostile world right now.

I'm sorry you struggle with worry, too, Sarah.

Quote:
My worrying was off the hook in 2020 vs now. My daughter was pregnant in 2020- actually my grandson was born 5/2020- and they wouldnt let me be with her. I met my grandson wearing masks. And so it went from worry about her to worry about him.....
I'm so sorry you couldn't be with your daughter when your grandson was born. Congratulations, by the way! I'm glad that she and her baby survived, because nowadays there's this new risk for pregnant women and their babies with the Delta variant. But it was still scary back then since they didn't have any treatments that were tried and tested like they have today.

I hope you're able to find more safe moments with your family!

I gained two new great grand nieces. They are my niece's daughters - both born very close to one another during this pandemic. My niece was already pregnant and gave birth during December 2019. But then she got pregnant again and had another baby. I forget how many months apart they are, but she's a busy momma! My mother is now a great grandmother, and she watches over her great granddaughters every now and then. My mother is boosted and all (Pfizer), and she also gets all her shots. I'm not sure if the others are vaccinated or not. I miss family, but I'm estranged from them. I still worry and care about them though.

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Default Nov 20, 2021 at 04:22 AM
  #29
Hi

I have Autism and other issues and at first when we had our first lockdown I thought 'Great!' NO more pressure to socialise, to have to have people visit hen I really didn't want them here.

i thought I'd get a couple of months break before things went back to normal.


After 19 months isolation it is really impacting my mental health, My tinnitus is much worse and louder I haven't had a full nights sleep for months between the noises and the hot flushes (also going through peri-menopause!)

I feel much more withdrawn and unable to connect to others, like I've lost all my social skills thats taken years to build up and it's much more than just 'having a break from people' now. I genuinely can't relate to people that were once 'friends'. there's no desire to reunite at all.

I spend much of my time playing video games as its one of the few activities that gives me relief from Tinnitus temporarily. The house is not tidy as I'm not expecting anyone to be able to visit.

My fatigue is severe and some days I can't even find the energy to get thedog to the nearest field and back but can't go to Dr's as it would involve interaction with too many people.


After reading about link between iron deficiency, hypothyroidism and Tinnitus I've got some iron supplements to see if they help.

I'd been taking Turmeric for joint pain and didn't relaise it was an 'iron chelate' which can strip your body of iron, so now wondering if my Tinnitus has increased because Iron has dropped too low.

I'll try it anyway, hopefully it will at least reduce the volume at night so I get some sleep!
The 'European wave' heading our way (of covid) means I probably face anther winter of lockdown either way I am in the vulnerable group due to medical issues and have the official notification from Govt that I am considered in that group. I am vaccinated and awaiting my third (due at end of this month) but thought I'd feel more confident once the strain became less virulent or a tablet you could take at home became available (coming soon apparently).

It's taken so long to reach this stage though and mental health gone downhill so much that I still don't think I will enjoy the demand to 'return to normal' and see people that I won't have seen by 2 years by the time this tablet becomes available!


If I could get the Tinnitus under control and catch upon some sleep, I may feel a bit more receptive to at least trying to be more sociable by next spring/summer!
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Heart Nov 20, 2021 at 06:39 AM
  #30
@InkyTinks - Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with us. I'm so sorry that you are struggling with so much!

I, too, have been isolating in place for over 19 or 20 months now. I am high-risk and may be immunocompromised, and I'm on a fixed income, so I don't want to get outrageous medical bills on top of worsening disability. I'm also trying my hardest to rehabilitate and avoid premature death and/or a traumatic death.

But like you, I've struggled with socialization, and my interactions with people are not that great - except for online. When I'm in person, I get more nervous and really don't know how to act. I'm always masked - even when outdoors, so I am still not used to being with people without a mask on. I just don't like hanging with people like that, and it's always been hard for me to hang with people even before the pandemic.

I also have tinnitus. I thought it was getting worse, but maybe it is also because it's quieter than pre-pandemic times. My former psychiatrist and my current medical doctor along with my psychologist and recreational rehabilitation therapist all tell me that my sensitive hearing as well as my sensitivity to light all have to do with being indoors most of the time and not getting that outside stimuli.

It's exhausting going outside, and it's really expensive to purchase N95 masks. They are now coming out with N99 masks, too. So for that reason alone, I try to avoid going outside. I don't reuse masks, and the cloth ones really don't protect as much - esp. with the Delta variant and other mutations. So there's the expense factor, too.

From past studies of former prison and jail inmates who had spent a considerable amount of time in solitary confinement, they stated that their experience made them feel like they really can't enjoy hanging out with people or going out much. They got so used to being indoors and in confined spaces that it became their go-to place for safety and shelter. It could also have been that solitary confinement helped them to cope better when exposed to potentially deviant and violent inmates, but that's not really mentioned that much either. The point I was trying to make with this observation is that, for those of us who have diligently isolated in place because about 50% of the world remains unvaccinated for this present pandemic, it isn't something that disabled persons or elderly persons should be used to. Younger and able-bodied persons somehow think that just because we stay at home due to our fatigue, mobility issues, and high-risk for severe illness, we enjoy being alone or we deserve to be alone for whatever mistakes we made in the past. That's so far from the truth, and it hurts that society would continue to tell us to stay at home for the sake of their lives and freedoms, when we could literally all be free if we worked together with this vaccination business, or at least with this masking and other precautions, like installing good C02 monitors and related protocols when the levels are too high as well as good airflow and HVAC systems. But society doesn't even want to upgrade our buildings, including our medical buildings, restaurants, shared living spaces (like apartments, townhomes, condos, and some duplexes, etc.). So we, alone, have to fend for ourselves and survive. The problem is, we're left with these very issues of isolation and loneliness that the able-bodied people were fearful of when we all - collectively - had a brief one-month or so lockdown (in other countries, it might have been longer). But for the disabled and the elderly, we have to deal with isolation for the rest of our lives. We try to get out and socialize, but the world is not really helpful to people like us, which exacerbates our conditions. It all takes a toll.

I once thought that maybe people would have more empathy for the disabled and the elderly if they knew what it was like being isolated, and how we feel living a life almost like that. But it had the opposite effect. I fear that younger and able-bodied persons are more resentful and thus place blame on the disabled and the elderly for the rules and their fear of their freedoms being taken away.

So that added stress makes it even harder for people like us to socialize outside. We don't know what kind of conflict we'll get into, as even our own friends and families have been divided on issues we never thought would ever divide us.

This is so far worse than 1918! You would think that all of our technological and scientific advances would have prevented this pandemic nearly 100 years later, but it didn't.

So, even though the world is divided, and even though we - the diehard isolated - are struggling in similar ways, perhaps we can ban together online and find comfort in sharing our similar experiences while also feeling proud of our civic duties to keep the hospitals unclogged, ourselves from getting severe illness or disease, and others from getting anything we could possibly give them if we were miraculously asymptomatic. I think we do the best we can with our lonely, isolating circumstances. It's hard to think positive, but perhaps there are safe ways we can get out at least once or a few times per month so that we can readjust our vision, hearing, and social skills.

My treatment team all believe that whatever isolation causes can be reversed. It may take time though.

Hang in there.

I hope your country doesn't have a big surge, and I hope that more people around the globe get vaccinated.
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Default Nov 20, 2021 at 11:14 AM
  #31
Hi Sprink.

I live in a rural location so its not as bad as the towns and cities. I can at least guarantee I can get my dog to the field without interacting with anyone if I go at the quietest times.


I use a mobility scooter so if I do see someone coming on the same path as me I can quickly scoot off in another direction.


I do think that helps a bit cos I do at least feel I 'get out' and have the company of my dog.


But been awake for hours every night with pain or loud ringing in the head still takes it's toll!


I have only 'risked it' to have BBQ in the garden with sibling and their partner.

Hopefully I will get to see them xmas day but I don't live with them and there are rumours that the no household mixing rule might come back if things get bad. So I can only pray they don't get it as they are the only support I have!
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Heart Nov 20, 2021 at 07:10 PM
  #32
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Originally Posted by InkyTinks View Post
Hi Sprink.

I live in a rural location so its not as bad as the towns and cities. I can at least guarantee I can get my dog to the field without interacting with anyone if I go at the quietest times.

I use a mobility scooter so if I do see someone coming on the same path as me I can quickly scoot off in another direction.

I do think that helps a bit cos I do at least feel I 'get out' and have the company of my dog.

But been awake for hours every night with pain or loud ringing in the head still takes it's toll!

I have only 'risked it' to have BBQ in the garden with sibling and their partner.

Hopefully I will get to see them xmas day but I don't live with them and there are rumours that the no household mixing rule might come back if things get bad. So I can only pray they don't get it as they are the only support I have!
I'm glad you and your dog are able to get out and be in a rural area with wide and opened spaces. Being on a scooter sounds like it can help a lot with dodging people and reducing risk. Outside BBQs with a few others is one of the safest and low-risk things to do while maintaining some levels of social distancing while socially interacting. I hope you can still do that with your sibling and sibling's partner.

I'm sorry you are struggling with tinnitus still.

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