How has the Pandemic affected your mental health?

How has the Pandemic affected your mental health?

This is open to any answer for any reason for any person with any disorder. Feel free to share how you feel (regardless of your religious, political, non-religious, or nonpartisan positions and/or beliefs).

UPDATE: This is NOT meant to be a political debate about those who were NOT affected by the pandemic. You wouldn't go to a Bipolar thread or a PTSD thread to say that you weren't affected by bipolar or you didn't get PTSD, would you? How would that make those people feel in that thread if you did? In a similar vein, there are many people who were affected by the pandemic, and that is what this thread is for. This is not meant to be a political thread creating divisiveness between those who weren't affected by the pandemic versus those who were. So, please, the topic is on mental health related to the pandemic.

For instance, those who were affected earlier on by lockdowns and feeling depressed could mention that. Or those who were affected by traumatic grief and loss by anything pandemic-related could mention that, such as a suicide in the family from the lockdowns, or traumatic loss of a career because of mandates. I'm not saying that this is a one-partisan thread; I've went out to say that this includes all who have struggled, so that we can support one another and lessen the divide.

So, for those who have replied with "this pandemic hasn't affected me at all," please, refrain from doing so here. It isn't helpful.

It hasn’t. I’m bipolar and the mood disturbances happen without external factors.

1. The pandemic exacerbated my PTSD and dissociation. I've always dealt with PTSD from racial trauma, trauma triggers, medical trauma fears, etc. But this pandemic has made my PTSD worse. My past fears became mixed with pandemic-related fears, and so my avoidance turned from being just startled and somewhat hidden to being isolated and fearful of going outside. My alters in my Dissociative Identity Disorder system were all on high alert, so they came out more and more. I'm still co-conscious with them, but there are times when I'm "floaty" and also losing time. I don't lose much time, but I do still lose some time. (I'm a multiracial Asian, so I worry a little more than average about being a victim of racial microaggresions and hate crimes.)

2. The pandemic made me afraid of leaving my apartment. The pandemic made me more afraid of being in contact with other humans. Although I miss social interaction, I am more fearful of being a victim of medical trauma, racial trauma, hate crimes, and more. I wear a mask when I go outside because I'm afraid of people purposely spitting on me or spreading their viruses (it could be any virus, such as the flu, 'Rona, hepatitis, or TB) because they want to blame all Asian-looking people for the pandemic. I'm also afraid of being intubated from a respiratory illness. I can't even handle CPAP machines for my sleep apnea.

3. The pandemic made me even more afraid of germs and contamination. I was never diagnosed with OCD before. But I may have had some predisposition to having OCD. It's unclear at the moment because the pandemic has many people worried about health concerns and cleanliness. I wash my hands after touching anything. I avoid touching handles with my bare hands, so I use individual washcloths now to open up my kitchen cupboards, since they've been exposed to shared air space whenever I open my front door of my apartment (the hallway is contaminated with possible pathogens that can enter my apartment whenever I open my door, since the building - according to the maintenance man - uses positive air pressure, and so I'm downstream). I also use individual washcloths to dry my hand (I never use the same towel twice or more to dry my hands anymore). I have over 100 washcloths.

4. I do laundry almost every day. Thankfully, I have a washer and dryer machine inside my apartment. But I spend every day doing laundry for all the washcloths that I use.

5. I have CFS/ME, so I don't always have the energy to clean surfaces all the time. Although they said that fomite transmission is low for the 'Rona, it still remains high for other diseases, like staph infections, the flu, etc. So, I use washcloths primarily for opening cupboards in my kitchen, since the kitchen is next to my front door, which opens to the apartment hallway where my neighbors are. My neighbors are highly unmasked and unvaccinated, so I have to worry a little more because of my autoimmune issues and other medical issues.

6. I feel more guilty about having mental and physical disorders and being middle-aged. I feel even more guilty because I'm obese and prediabetic and possibly have thyroid problems. I'm doing what I can, but it's hard when PTSD and CFS/ME contribute to obesity and all the other issues I have. The social stigma has increased ageism and ableism.

7. I shower every time I do what's called an "external chore," such as when I retrieve my door delivery for 5 minutes. I still have to shower and put on a fresh pair of clothes before I enter my bedroom, which is my safe space from the living room's potential shared air coming in whenever I open the front door to my apartment. If I lived in a house, I wouldn't have to deal with this every day, since the front door is opened to fresh air. But I live in an apartment, where the chances of contracting communicable diseases are higher. I want my bedroom to be my "safe place," where I know the doors protect most pathogens from entering, and where all the contents within are mostly clean. There might be some straggling pathogens that enter, but they aren't as infectious with viral load possibilities as the other rooms in my apartment that are exposed whenever I open my front door to my apartment. My bathroom is also safe because I keep that door closed whenever I have to open my front door as well.

8. I wait a minimum of an hour (when the risk is low; I'm doing external chores and no one is in the hallway) to a maximum of three hours (when the risk is high; there's a lot of people in the hallway or some people who had to enter my living room space) before coming out of my bedroom, after I've completed the external chore and showered. I do this because my bedroom doors are closed whenever there is anyone in my living room fixing something, and so the air in my bedroom is much safer than the air in the living room after potential exposure to shared air from the hallways. The data in research showed that aerosolized SARS-CoV-2 could linger in the air for up to three hours, so I use that as a guide, along with other research as guides.

9. I never invite guests or friends to my apartment unless they are there to pick up a heavy furniture donation, like just the one time earlier this year. This increases my loneliness.

10. I'm more lonely now than ever. Most people I know and have befriended are sticking with their own "safety pods" as well as avoiding risky behaviors and risky people. I'm often not included in their social bubbles. They also don't have time for me to do Zoom calls or otherwise. I am grateful for when I can hear from them via phone, email, and/or Facetime, but it's very rare. I do what I can to protect myself and others (social distancing, wearing masks whenever I'm in public spaces, etc.), but I'm also suffering from loneliness.

11. I've lost a lot of friendships and family relationships due to political polarization. I've learned who my real friends are, too, but I've sadly also lost those whom I could have been at least casual acquaintances with, had it not been for the political polarization demanding agreement and absolutions.

12. I've not been able to save money (yet). This is because I've largely spent more money on safety products, including masks, gloves, cleaning supplies, packing supplies (in case I need to move in a jiffy), certain clothing, certain foods just to be safe. My financial insecurities affect my mental health because I feel trapped and defeated.

13. I've dealt with more

Possible trigger:

suicidal ideation than before!

and that was only after my therapist had agreed to see me twice a week. I now only need the crisis line as needed, but I still battle with severe depression.

14. I battle with worsened depression because of this pandemic. I'm depressed because I am lonely, have fewer relationships with friends and family, am aging without rehabilitation, am slow to get the medical attention I need, and am becoming more physically disabled.

15. I can't plan for a future, and I feel like I've lost my purpose in life. I'm middle-aged, so rehabilitating now will seem impossible. I'd be discriminated against for being Asian, female, middle-aged, disabled, a veteran (also a protected class, but still nonetheless discriminated against), and neurodivergent. To rehabilitate to even part-time work, or to even get accepted in grad school, I'd have to deal with all these other barriers that are now being politicized and even banned for exploration and higher education these days. I feel like my purpose for self- and other-advocacy is gone now. I don't know what other career paths to choose, and I don't know if I'm ready yet to call it quits and just consider this "early retirement" as a disabled veteran. The future is unknown when it seems like a Civil War is going to start any day, any election year, etc.

16. I never got to get reconnected to my daughter, who was adopted. This pandemic threw a huge wrench in that, and I'm sure that there are other reasons behind my continued separation from my daughter. I looked forward to seeing her when she graduated or at least when she turned 19 years old. The adoptive mom still forbade it, and my daughter remains estranged. Although there are no more legal implications with the open adoption, now that my daughter is older than 18 and graduated from high school, I still wanted to see her. Many people have told me that it was more like a closed adoption, the way I was treated. I never got to visit or speak with my daughter. I did send letters, cards, and gifts from when she turned 16 on forward, but I never knew if she actually received them. I only kept in touch with her adoptive mother. My daughter's adoptive mom is also a celebrity, so that means that I'd be outed by society as being the "forever birthmother" who gave her child up. I'd be shunned, so I do what I can to remain under the radar. I never got treatment or any support for being a birth mom, so I'm really feeling the effects of all that during this pandemic. It would have been emotionally better if I had signed a closed adoption, from what I was told. I dealt with so many lost dreams and failed high hopes that I'm now left devastated and feeling like I'm the worst mother ever, no matter what anyone says. My T is helping me with this, but I sometimes dissociate and a different part will take over and discuss something else. It's frustrating. I'm in pain.

17. I gained weight during this pandemic. I quit smoking last year, which is about the only positive thing that came out of this pandemic. I now despise nicotine and cigarettes - or any smoking of any kind, for that matter. I'm intolerant now. I don't want my lungs to get any more damaged than they already are. I only began smoking because I was in a psych ward for 3 weeks and threatened to be committed for over a year if I didn't come out of my room. This was right after I placed my daughter for adoption years ago. They offered me free patient cigarettes back then (it's forbidden now, and they shut down since, too). I used that as a means to punish myself, so they got me out of my room, showed me how to smoke the things, and got me hooked on them. They finally discharged me. I remained depressed, but this time, I left that psych ward with a smoking addiction. They've shut that place down and have since banned smoking and patient cigarettes in most hospitals and psych wards. I'm glad. But it already took a toll on my life. I swear that cigarettes initially made me lose weight, but then it made me gain more weight over the years, due to its abilities to harm other organs in my body - not just my lungs and the cilia cells elsewhere, like my nose and upper respiratory.

18. My insomnia and sleep-wake disorders have worsened. I don't know what would be a safe schedule for me. I want to avoid mean and nasty neighbors, so I try to do my external chores (mail and package retrieval, trash dumping, recycling, storage organization) in the early early morning or late late at night. I try to wait for a safe time to order for door deliveries (usually later at night during the weekend, like on Sundays). But this would mean that I'd sleep mostly during the day, which is when I have most of my appointments, or when my friends are available to talk by phone or email or whatever. I can't just up and move to a better location during a pandemic, so I'm trapped here - with only one window (not in my bedroom), so my circadian rhythm remains off because it can't tell when it is night or day. My vitamin D levels are really low, and my physical disorders have all worsened. Everything above affects my sleep.

This is all I have energy to write for now. I might add more or just simply respond to others in agreement here. The point of this is to show that, no matter what political stance or religious background or nonpartisan stance or atheism stance or agnostic stance we have in our backgrounds, we're all struggling in both different and similar ways due to this pandemic. And it has affected our mental health.

No effect at all. I was fine before, fine during. Now the loss of 2 of my older dogs & my horse to cancer over the last year have broken my heart but that has nothing to do with my mental health

I was going to say it hasn't affected me much, but then I remembered that I did have to end relationships with "friends" over the political situation. I had to end relationships with people who refuse to wear masks in order to protect others.

The priest at my church thinks trusting God will prevent you from getting sick rather than trusting medical science, so I stopped going there. I was very upset that they brought back holy water, have no social distancing, and very few masks.

I was kind of seeing a guy (basically just for sex), but I found out that he refuses to get vaccinated, so I had to end it. I didn't want to watch him end up in the hospital on a ventilator even if it was caused by his own stubbornness. I also don't think he ever wears a mask, so is infecting others.

@downandlonely - so sorry you are dealing with losses of relationships during this time. (((safe thoughts and safe hugs)))

I've had to distance myself from people who are unvaccinated and refuse to wear masks. I can still be distal friends online, but not in-person friends. I just cannot afford the risk of not only death, but also lifelong medical expenses due to any potential complications, financial burdens on friends and family who care about me and my well-being, my daughter, etc. So I am thinking about them.

I try to feel empathy toward people who truly cannot get vaccinated due to immunocompromised reasons, Amish-based reasons, dependents like children or the elderly who are under the orders of religious caregivers (so then it becomes against their religion), and those who are fearful because of past historical traumas (such as certain minorities who were used by the government for unethical research practices, so they are now fearful and untrusting of government for their vaccines now), etc. I have difficulty being empathetic towards people who are doing this for political reasons and then are lying about it. Perhaps they see their politics as a "religion," but it then sounds "cultish," which is a HUGE TRIGGER for me!

Ritual abuse and spiritual abuse are in my trauma history, so they get exacerbated by things in the news during this pandemic, which mimic coercive spiritual persuasion, mind control techniques, and so many other things that make me sick and nauseous and triggered and dissociative and so on and so forth. I say this here not to insult anyone, but rather to express how my mental health has been deeply affected by this pandemic and the news about this pandemic and the social media allowing algorithms to harm others by purposely spreading this in order to make money off the ads that come with the viral sharing of such things.

I do feel bad for people who have lost jobs and careers, or who had to drop out of college.

I also am dealing with a loss of a veteran friend of mine in Texas, who was just a few years older than I and had just celebrated his birthday. He got Covid around his birthday last year, before any vaccines were made. He died within days. He was a friend I knew from the 1990s. He was one of my few friends from a long, long time ago. His wife survived, but I think she is struggling, too. I don't know her that well, as she's more friends with my sister, who doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Most of my family have disowned me or treated me like the black sheep of the family, and even more so because of this pandemic.

I completely relate to relational loss - even though it was more of an eye-opener for me than a loss. But I still feel its effects when it comes to family and even a former friend who I knew from high school. I will most likely miss my high school reunion - yet again - because of all this.

It didn't affect me.

Privilege is telling people with mental issues that they don't have any mental issues, which implies that they shouldn't or that they are to blame for having mental issues. Mental issues are not a choice; they just happen. Sadly, some people feel the need to make even mental health political, which is still a problem with this pandemic, as it relates to this thread even.

Such responses make me feel more depressed because my mental health has worsened. So, for those who weren't affected at all by the pandemic, good for you. But could you please refrain from stating so here? It hurts my feelings, and it detracts from others who might be willing to share. It hurst because I never see people going into the PTSD thread where I go saying that they weren't affected. They go there when they are affected or when they could share some words of comfort. Just leaving a blanket statement about "It didn't affect me," is NOT what the question asked. It asked HOW has the pandemic affected you (NOT *IF* the pandemic has affected you). There's a difference, which I highlighted in the original post, but sometimes people and their politics becomes a personality disorder that affects people like me, who have lost health, loved ones to Covid-19, relationships, safety, and more.

for me, it's made me realise how bad my life is going- I mean it was bad before, but I remember just before the first lockdown (whike it was being announced) everyone was like oh no, not a lockdown, we'll need to be inside for a long time, nothing to do, and I was like well.... it's what it is- I wouldn't say I didn't care about it, because I did, but I had nothing before the lockdown- and I have nothing now so it was really hard for me to understand people who were bord of lockdown, because my life was in lockdown way before the world was locked down

it's also worsened my all ready existing agoraphobia. I didn't think it could get worse, but apparently it can!

a lot of people are going back to their lives now

what ever that is

I've nothing to go back to..

Raging Vortex,

I'm so sorry you struggle with agoraphobia, and I'm so sorry that it has worsened for you. I'm also sorry that you feel as though you have nothing to go back to. I hope that you have a strong support system online and by phone, at least. Or perhaps maybe you'd be open to having safe people visit your home, if they are safe with masks or something. I'm not sure what agoraphobia entails, but I can relate to some of what I think it is.

I struggled with a lot of things before the pandemic, too. I've never been self-isolating so much as I have now (they don't call it agoraphobia, but I think they call it something else related to the pandemic), but I have spent many days homebound and bedbound because of my chronic fatigue syndrome. People just didn't understand why I couldn't leave my apartment to hang out - that is, when there wasn't a pandemic and when I lived in a different state.

I'm now in this horrible red state and don't know anyone well enough to hang out. Most of my new friends are like me - they stay home and keep to themselves, unless they are being friendly and offering me a ride to my appointments.

But you make a good point about having nothing to go back to. I'm so very sorry that you are isolated that way. I can relate, though I don't think I have it as bad as you do.

I thought I would be okay with lockdowns and socially isolating, but I'm really not. There were times when I didn't know what was going to happen next, and whether I was going to lose my mind. I got so used to being inside and safe for over 20 months now that my eyesight and hearing are super sensitive. They need a while to adjust when I'm outside of my apartment, since I'm so used to being indoors.

I don't know what agoraphobia is, but I am afraid to leave my apartment. I do leave to do things like dumping trash or walking a mile to and from the VA to get my medical tests or vaccines taken care of, but that's about the extent of it. My rec rehab therapist will meet me at my apartment on Friday to walk with me for an hour. I'm terrified of what I might encounter on those days, but I trust the rec rehab therapist.

It helps to know that I'm not alone in the struggle.

Sorry for my updated original post and replies. I shouldn't have taken some things the wrong way. Anyone can reply with whatever.

I am just sensitive to a lot of things regarding this pandemic. I probably shouldn't have started this thread. There's already a different thread or two about coronavirus. I used the term "pandemic" here to refer to both non-covid pandemic stuff as well as covid-related pandemic stuff.

Someone else posted in a different thread about how they struggled with the lockdowns and how the isolation of that made it harder for them to move ahead in their career. I think the person lost contact with in-person therapy and mentorship, too. Anyway, there are many ways this pandemic has affected our mental health.

By the way, "mental health" does NOT mean "mental disorder." "Mental health" just simply means how your emotions, thoughts (cognition), behavior, and psychosocial relationships have been affected. I didn't mean to imply that the pandemic gave you a disorder, though for some like me, it worsened my disorder. For many others, it didn't affect their mental disorders, but maybe it affected their relationships, daily routines, and attitudes (e.g., happiness levels). It seems more people are unhappy these days. They're stressed out with politics, they're even more afraid or angry than they were before the pandemic began - perhaps because the politics are so strong and out there and infiltrated in this pandemic that it's increased our anger, our insensitivities, our sensitivities, our empathy, our stoicism, our aggression, etc. Perhaps it has caused temporary adjustment issues, like trying to get used to all these new rules and disliking it.

Although I'm social distancing, vaccinated, and masked whenever I go outside, I do get how draining it is to hear these things day after day, or see rules telling us what to do all the time, or disliking the routine of putting on masks. I get how "pandemic fatigue" can get the best of us, no matter what our political stance is. It sucks, and I wished this pandemic were over. I thought it would be over by now. I thought the vaccines would eliminate the need for masks, eventually. I don't know what to think anymore.

Honestly, I have a hard time trusting the government and science, but I have to trust something in order to survive. So I, being vulnerable, do what I can. If I were healthy, I suppose I wouldn't be as worried, and I suppose I'd also be as upset about my restrictions. So there are many sides to the struggle. It doesn't make our sides as enemies. It really should not be about who are enemies are, but that's how it seems, which is also really stressful.

I think the world has gone more angry and frustrated. I don't blame the world. I think everyone has different ways of coping and problem-solving. I think we're all doing the best we can to survive.

It's a real s*** show out there! It's hard.

And maybe it's not that hard for some who can easily ignore all the "hype," but the fact that they have to ignore it or make a stand says that it has affected them in that way - even if they can't see it. Perhaps even just the mere post I put here agitated people when they saw it, and that itself is pandemic-related.

So for that, I'm sorry.

I just don't know why I started this here. I thought it would be more supportive and unifying, but I see it could have the opposite effect. So for that, I'm sorry, too.

I'm with you on this. The title of your thread is clear, and IF people weren't affected by COVID, they can start their own threads. I agree that people who aren't in the top% or privileged need a safe place to share.

It reminds me of that article I read on toxic positivity, saying how it's a real thing and very American: "Don't worry about it. Be positive." "It doesn't bother me, don't let it bother you." It picked up steam during COVID but was always there. I do agree it can be invalidating for people to say it doesn't affect them. Then you feel like you're "wrong" to feel that way.

I know people whose jobs weren't affected; they can "merely work from home" like the government kept telling people. But not EVERYBODY can do that! The government has been out of touch. They abruptly shut down all the libraries which is where I used to go to get online. When they did that, I was cut off from everything.

As far as isolation/lockdowns, I don't have much to begin with and telling us to sit at home was so brutal, 2020 was a real struggle. What little activity or social interaction I had was cut off: No gym, no library, no senior center, no hair salon. I gained weight due to eating a lot of comfort food which is never low calorie or healthy. Still gaining weight in 2021, which is coming to a close.

Walking didn't give me the same workout gym workouts do, for one thing there's no nice places to walk around here. It's not pedestrian friendly.

I was already out of work when COVID hit, so I didn't qualify for unemployment or even the benefits for people who don't qualify for regular unemployment. Yet, prisoners on death row (erroneously!)got benefits. I normally work in an office, but all were shut down and most are still shut even now. The government labeled me "non-essential."

I've got no family, no "neighborly" neighbors (turnover really picked up when COVID hit, and it was already high----no sense of community here), no "real" friends, and no pets. It's so lonely and now they keep talking about the upcoming holidays with "family and friends", along with travel picking up along with another surge.

If I didn't have a modest IRA, I'd have been on the street. I don't qualify for anything. I'm not old enough, not poor enough, not disabled, etc. They make it hard to qualify, let alone apply. They demand you were directly affected by COVID, to show proof. Since I was already unemployed, it doesn't count.

There's an acquaintance I know who can easily work from home. She has her luxury car, designer clothes, husband, and lots of friends.

Then there's people who lost jobs but can't get unemployment. The inequality has really been exposed after COVID hit.

It's hard to even try to plan anything cause of all this uncertainty. I don't like change or uncertainty anyway, so this is killing me so to speak. I don't know what kind of work I can do, certainly not working at Amazon. Too physically demanding, with volatile hours! I'M too old for THAT!

Thought I might be able to rent a room from a stranger, but the housing lady told me I'd be on a month to month, with the homeowner giving me a mere 30 day notice to get out. She scared me out of that option. Staying here gives me more rights but the rent is too high for ME. Yet she had the nerve to downplay it by saying I'm paying "below market rate" like that's supposed to comfort me.

Or like I "shouldn't complain" or "be grateful", like that toxic positivity ariticle said.

It was a mistake to "fully reopen" here in the summer, which led to another surge. We were supposed to act like this is over, but it's like a dark cloud looming over me all the time! I don't have any money and nobody to go out with anyway.

I don't have much motivation to do anything, everything takes more effort than it did before. Even getting tired of the gym but don't have anywhere else to go to get out and get exercise. Library finally re-opened in April but they just give you one hour on the computers now which isn't enough time.

As of now, I'm still on survival mode. Just trying to get through each day. Life is more than just enough food and shelter and medical care. You need connections, relationships, real sincere people in your life to get through it.

I didn't lose any "friendships" due to difference of opinion on masks, vaccines, etc. BUT what COVID did is show these "friends" aren't the deep connections I thought they were. In other words, their true colors came out and it's not pretty.

I know this is long, but I could go on for hours. In a nutshell, I feel invisible: From neighbors, from government, from my superficial "friends" who rarely call me if they call at all.

(((( safe hugs and thoughts, @nonightowl ))))

I'm so sorry that you have dealt with such isolation and disdain from the privileged. It's sad how the government and other authorities forget that there are others like you who truly do need assistance, and that with any pathogen-based pandemic, there's also the psychosocial- and mental- pandemics that come along with.

If there were more anthropologists, social psychologists, and other interdisciplinary scientists working with the CDC, all governments (federal and local), and the FDA, then they would see the intersectionality between Covid-19 and its mental- and psychological implications not directly related to the disease, but rather from the epidemiological prevention paradigms that likely followed. The Administration of Justice and Public Administration fields also needed their own anthropologists and social psychologists, who could have helped with such matters. But funding along those lines are scarce, and the funding that lacked from many presidents of the past for pandemic readiness also contributed to our present-day hellhole.

I'm sick of toxic positivity, and there's a true burden to social distancing, social isolation, mask wearing, and getting many vaccines - the initial two plus the boosters that are likely to follow indefinitely until funding for science is allowed (which it is not, according to the votes that are thin-lining efforts in those areas). So, we're likely going to be at least 5 years into this until either (a) a better vaccine gets introduced - probably by a different country, since our funding is going now toward infrastructure; or (b) treatments or cures for such coronaviruses (which is unlikely to happen, since the nature of this virus is so complex and too new for a cure to be invented until at least a decade from now). Meanwhile, there's people like you who were missed in all the program subsidies.

I, too, am alone without neighbors and true friends. I do have some true friends, but they are all in different states. I'm utterly alone. My therapist is really helpful, and some of my treatment team at the VA is helpful, but that's it. And, I am privileged with some things that others don't have, such as being on disability and having medical care that comes along with. That said, I would rather be 100% NOT disabled and therefore able to make money in the real world while also being an integral part of it. So privileges are also on a continuum, and there are many more privileges than just one or two categories, so we can all find ourselves rating higher on some scale than another. Still, this shouldn't minimize the struggles that any one of us go through - regardless of privilege level. Even the privileged have their struggles, too. I think people forget that, and I think that the ways in which this world conceptualizes things make us more unhappy.

I wished that there were safe ways to adjust to all this, and I wish there were more transitional programs for those who are beyond the scope of mean-tested programs.

I am so sorry you struggle with all that. Your feelings and struggles ARE VALID, nonightowl.

Your posts always have such insight. I'm glad to read them; at least while doing that I don't feel so invalidated.

"Little" things like fixing my hair, shaving and wearing make up were things I missed doing in 2020. Even though it's about appearance, at least if I looked pretty good it helped my mood somewhat. But when they told us to sit at home, I thought why shave or wear make up? Nobody is seeing me. My hair got so long and unruly too, making me feel more down than I already was. I miss wearing lipstick, but since we're still wearing masks nobody can see it.

Trivial thing but it DID give me a bit of a boost. They are now getting so old I might have to throw them out since they were already over a year old when they told us to stay home. And in 2020, looking like ape woman made me feel even more depressed. In 2021 I've started shaving again but not as regularly as before. Even though "everything is open", it's no where I want to go.

IMHO, mental health isn't seen as a priority in American culture: Just THINK positive. It's touted as a panacea, no matter how dire things are.

I didn't think of infrastructure funding as something that is taken from mental health funding, but I guess that could be right. This is, we need BOTH. We're a wealthy country, and Biden walking on an 80 year old bridge is just pathetic! WTF? Our roads and bridges are literally cracking right before our eyes. We're not a Third World country!

I didn't know you were a veteran. know the VA isn't as helpful to ALL vets are they imply, and around here we have a lot of homeless in vets right outside the VA facilities.....of all places.

Did you ever read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***?" by Mark Manson? Yeah, that's the real title of it and it's spelled out in my library's database, LOL. One of the things he writes about is how trying to be positive all the time can make us miserable. And that's the American way, but not MY way. I did read it and it resonated with me for the most part.

Lately I've noticed I don't even missing talking to any of my "friends" at all, which to me is a wake up call that there's no real connection there. That's both good and bad, meaning it's good to know the real truth. But bad also to realize they aren't "close" or genuine friends. And by redefining them in my head, it makes it easier to bear. I don't think of them as friends anymore or think I can count on them. One of them is so full of toxic positivity and projecting her views onto me that I've decided I don't want to confide in her anymore. It's not safe.

Like if I tell her some people at the gym are unmasked, she'll say "Well did you complain to the manager? That's what I would have done." a) I'm not her.
b) Complaining doesn't work, it's not enforced in many places c) Looking for symathy/empathy, not unsolicited advice. Advice, advice, advice. "You should" or "Why don't you---" are her favorite openings to anything she says. SHE likes to receive advice as she once told us in the group we used to go to. But that' HER. Just cause she likes it she thinks others want it. And in case anyone wondered, I've HAD said things like just looking for an ear, not advice. But she does it anyway cause she does what she wants. She's so opinionated, I can only take her in "small doses" like dry air that aggravates my allergies.

It's like being scolded as child: "Did you do your homework yet?"

I also hate how they keep saying stuff like "American people want" or "People want". Well they didn't ask ME, so that blanket statement doesn't mean anything. They'd have to literally ask EVERY person in this country, and that would be impossible I think. Besides, you never know if a "survey" company contacting you is legit. Could be scammers. Still, nobody ever asks me if they can take a survey anyway.

I agree with everything you said!

Everything!

I miss wearing cosmetics, too. I have to figure out how to cut my own hair, but I do color my own hair now. The problem is the mess and temporary stains it leaves on my scalp, parts of my face, and my fingertips. But it beats risking Covid-19 in the salons and paying the $150 it used to cost me every time I had a cut/color/blow dry appointment. I pay only $10 to $15 for the Loreal hair color, and I blow dry myself. The problem is, I haven't cut my hair at all. It tangles so easily.

I've saved some of my old cloth masks as keepsakes. I've since replaced them. It's much easier to buy disposable KN95 and N95 masks nowadays. I have spent a lot of money on stocking up on those, but I literally only go out twice a week to dump trash or maybe upwards of four times a week if I have a medical appointment or labs to deal with. I don't use that man masks, but I always double-mask. When I'm done, I throw them away. It saves me the hassle with laundry. Besides, the masks with the rubber bands always broke. And I didn't trust air drying them. I felt that machine drying them killed more germs and lingering virus than the washing machine alone. It worked for a while, but eventually the rubber bands break. I think the professionals even recommend replacing your cloth masks every 6 months anyway. With the disposable masks, you just chuck them and use a new pair when you need to go out. It's more expensive if you're outside every day and multiple times per day, but it's also more convenient to deal with disposables.

I was once a homeless veteran, but not like the ones you see on the streets with signs. I lived in my car for a while, and I've also lived in homeless shelters here and there. My military sexual trauma experience made it such that I feared going to the VA for the longest time because I thought I'd just run into more perpetrators there. Sadly, there's no way of knowing if there were former or current perps because many of them get away with their crimes. Also, there have been sexual harassment cases within the VA as well. For some of the combat veterans I've spoken with, they don't trust the government, so it would come as no surprise that many will not trust the VA at all for their care or advice. I'm not sure that's why there are homeless veterans, or perhaps there are other reasons such as those veterans may not qualify of VA care. Not every veteran qualifies for care at the VA. Some may not have any service-connected disabilities. Others may have Other-Than-Honorable (OTH) discharges, which tends to mean that they disobeyed orders, committed crimes like sexual harassment and otherwise, had some sort of conduct disorder, went AWOL, etc. But nowadays, they are opening up the doors to treating those veterans with OTH discharges. I do think that ALL veterans need care, but I also believe in safety and society's role in reducing "rape culture."

Most polls include people who don't identify as minorities, even if they are labeled as such in certain circumstances. Therefore, you will get the "Americans..." this or "Americans..." that without even considering the 40% and growing Americans who are either proclaimed minorities or otherwise fully assimilated (conforming) minorities. Our voices matter, too.

There are so many collapsing buildings, roads, bridges, and otherwise that need repair before what happened in Florida (with that condo/apartment complex) happens to the rest of the U.S. The saying, "They don't make them like they used to!" rings true here! Our vehicle's bumpers are easily breakable, the standards of buildings are not nearly as good as back in the day, and the quality of work people pride themselves in no longer exists (people are more entitled these days, and they lack paying attention to detail or respecting scientific professionals let alone other authority figures like the federal government and the law). Spurious laws are now written at the local level to go against federal laws, which is so backwards. Everything is backwards these days, and people have this strange cult-like contagion going on. It's no wonder that no one trusts anyone anymore. When that happens, people get hurt and chaos ensues.

So that's where we're at. And it's only going to get worse before it gets better. Healing - whether individuals or society - always ebbs and flows; it's never linear or immediate, lest the majority >70% actually agree on things.

My mental health and social life was never that great all along. I think the pandemic made it slightly worse. This has been a trying year for me as I had quit my job and retired because things at work got bad. It has to be the pandemic that made my job worse because a lot of people had to work from home and that hurt my job. I couldn't have the option of working at home because, in my position, my work only could be done at the site. And there was not much work to do when hardly anyone was at the site.

And now I feel like relationships in general in my surroundings are not well. My neighbors are not friendly and I have had desires to let go of my only two relationships that I have. They are both what I consider as substandard quality. I don't know if it's because of the pandemic that I feel the way I do about my relationships. I think we can all agree that people "out there" in general are not as nice as they were two years ago.

Thank you for sharing, @will19 - (((safe hugs))) I am sorry about your mental health worsening. Mine has, too. I agree with what you said about how people are not as nice as they were two years ago. That is very true! I've experienced that phenomenon, too.

I'm sorry that you also had to quit your job. I hope you are doing okay financially.

I stopped coloring my hair decades ago! I got tired of trying to cover up the gray and trying as a result of that to look younger. It got so expensive and such a hassle. Finally I said the h e l l with it, this is me. I decided to accept the gray hair. Oddly, I've gotten compliments on it since it has "highlights" that are natural. My hair is mostly "pepper", as in "salt and pepper". The salt frames my face but it's darker in the back and sides.

My gray hair has gotten me seats on the bus and addressed as "ma'am" by much younger people......Sort of feels like respect it's meant to be but the word also makes me feel 20 years older. I didn't get this when I dyed my hair.

I never tried it at home because afraid of the results and the mess I'd make.

It seems my parents were right, they don't make things as well as they used to. They said it was because of money. Companies make stuff cheaper and therefore it has a shorter life. This forces you to go and buy another one, whatever it is.

And I think people don't take the pride in what they do because of how many employers treat their employees. They are incredibly demanding yet can let you go at the drop of a hat. And not suffer for it, but YOU do. Why give it your all when most employers don't reward you for it? They can show the door anytime, no matter how hard you work. I'd know since it's happened to me many times.

I once read that getting let go or laid off is the psychological equivalent of getting hit by a car. Yet in our culture, you're supposed to suck it up and soldier on. This needs to change too, but it might take decades if ever.


Will I could have written most of this! Uncanny....I'm too young to retire but my job prospects were bleak before COVID and now they are even worse. I'm not set up with the tech you need to "work from home". There's many jobs out there that require people to leave home or be on site. Yet the government doesn't get it.

My neighbors aren't friendly either except for one or two but I run into them so rarely it's frustrating. Most are young and unmasked, even in the common areas like stairways, lobby, laundry room. There's no air circulation in those places. Each stairway has doors at the top and bottom, for fire safety supposedly. But it traps dead air.

I've been here many years and long before all this, it had a community feel as I knew some of my neighbors. But now they have either passed on or moved away. If this pandemic happened then, it would have been different. I feel like I'm the only one in the building.

We also abruptly got a new manager, which is more unknowns and uncertainty. I say better the devil you know. Former manager didn't even tell ME. She insisted on sending these mass emails, of which I'm not on. But she used to print out the email and put it on my door. This time, of all times, she didn't tell me. It came as a shock and only after I flagged down one of the nicer neighbors that I found out she's moving out of state.

I also have two "friends" which are of substandard quality. Actually 3...but they are so one-sided and superficial I don't even consider them friends in the deep sense. I also don't know it's because of COVID or this was how I felt all along, just needed COVID to show their true colors. (Not that anybody NEEDS COVID, but there is a saying that there's nothing like a crisis to show who your real friends are. And COVID is a crisis, a calamity.) I've thought of dropping them too, all of them. I don't even miss talking to them.

I know this pandemic has messed with everyone's heads, but we are not "all in it together" or coming together like I thought. At a time when we need others the most, the deeper connections the most, people aren't as nice as they used to be before all this. WTF?

I'm in Texas, so every adult woman gets called ma'am. I don't really like it, but I'm used to it.