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Default Jan 03, 2022 at 11:42 AM
  #41
Thanks for sharing how you feel @SprinkL3 I do think many times we might feel awkward posting but I think that’s more about us than about the people reading our posts though. I think this is a safe place and my experience is people here are gentle with each other (mostly!)

I’m sorry to all those posting here who lost online friends who they had bonds with, it’s a particular type of bereavement, I lost a dear online friend myself (her husband kindly wrote to me which was so kind considering his own grief). The bonds we can make online can be very special, and it’s wonderful we have the opportunities to make them.

Oh I really don’t like the ‘New normal’ phrase either, although it does seem to be a new part of language now.
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Laugh Jan 03, 2022 at 12:32 PM
  #42
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
I think this is a safe place and my experience is people here are gentle with each other (mostly!)
Yes, I've found (mostly!) that people are kind on here. But I haven't been on here as much as I used to, and I've always done more viewing than posting...

FuzzyBear, when I see your name I think of a warm and fuzzy teddy bear. And you are a warm and fuzzy teddy bear. You are a bear that doesn't bite.

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Heart Jan 03, 2022 at 01:22 PM
  #43
I, too, love @Fuzzybear's name!

I have dissociative identity disorder, so some of my littles (alternate personalities inside) actually think Fuzzybear is a real teddy bear who is caring and needs more kindness and love. We know now that she's a real person, but we love her avatar!
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Default Jan 03, 2022 at 01:23 PM
  #44
@Discombobulated - thank you for your warm reply. I'm doing what I can to self-improve, but I like how there are many kind people here.
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Default Jan 04, 2022 at 10:35 AM
  #45
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Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
Thanks for sharing how you feel @SprinkL3 I do think many times we might feel awkward posting but I think that’s more about us than about the people reading our posts though. I think this is a safe place and my experience is people here are gentle with each other (mostly!)

I’m sorry to all those posting here who lost online friends who they had bonds with, it’s a particular type of bereavement, I lost a dear online friend myself (her husband kindly wrote to me which was so kind considering his own grief). The bonds we can make online can be very special, and it’s wonderful we have the opportunities to make them.
I lost a dear online friend about 6 years ago and I still miss her. I agree, the bonds we make online can be very special and its wonderful we have opportunities to make these bonds

I also find people here to be (mostly!!) kind and gentle with each other (some of those who maybe were not do not seem to be here any more

That makes me think of somewhere else I posted where about 50 percent of the members vanished (long ago). It was not a gentle place.

I'm currently trying to work something out with an old online friend elsewhere, although I'm not sure if she is interested in working anything out. I ''deleted'' her and now I can't see any of her posts (it doesn't work the same way as these forums work). I will take a long break and think again ... (not anyone here)

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Default Jan 04, 2022 at 10:53 AM
  #46
How mean That ''friend'' saying that to you after 10 years

I worry that someone (elsewhere) might be thinking that about me. I don't think he would be that mean about it though.

I know... a professional saying that crap on discharging someone, it's very sad I personally was told some awful things when I was ''discharged'' too. It makes us wary of them, it makes some of us stay away. I suspect that is what they want. (this is NOT ''just'' in the last 2 years...) I know there are some wonderful professionals out there. I haven't met any of them though (in real life) :-(

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Sorry, but I know they do do it intentionally sometimes, as it's happened to me. I had a friend I knew over 10 years who suddenly stopped talking to me. (This happened back in 2006 but I never forgot that experience) She didn't answer my voicemail or email. Determined to get some answers, I sent a snail mail and I finally got a reply that way. She said she has nothing in common with me anymore and doesn't want to talk to me again. ***** Yeah friendships ebb and flow, but she could have picked better words. Or a better way to make a clean break. Good riddance. If I had to do all that just to find out what the **** is her problem, good riddance like I said.

Whatever else was going on, I'll never know since she "ghosted" me as people say.




I thought it was just me. I too INTENSELY dislike that phrase "new normal". It IS BS and it trivializes the last TWO years! It's like this has been something minor or inconvenient. An example I can think of at the moment is how they don't show reruns of shows in the summer like they did when I was a kid.

At some point, it became the "new normal" not to show reruns all summer long but show something new. The phrase wasn't in use then that I recall, but pretty soon it was the "new normal" to also have TV available 24/7. They used to go off the air around midnight, putting a test pattern on for awhile just before they did that. Then it was the "new normal" to not show those patterns anymore.

In my opinion it's just a part of the sick American culture of putting a positive spin on everything or acting like it's no big deal. Just like thinking just cause it's a new year, it means things will get better. The relentless optimism about a "new year". To me it's been 2020 for two years now. Changing the calendar doesn't do anything.

And after being discharged, "this is your new normal"? WTF???!!!! That is SO SO COLD!!!!!!!!


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Unhappy Jan 04, 2022 at 12:02 PM
  #47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
How mean That ''friend'' saying that to you after 10 years

I worry that someone (elsewhere) might be thinking that about me. I don't think he would be that mean about it though.

I know... a professional saying that crap on discharging someone, it's very sad I personally was told some awful things when I was ''discharged'' too. It makes us wary of them, it makes some of us stay away. I suspect that is what they want. (this is NOT ''just'' in the last 2 years...) I know there are some wonderful professionals out there. I haven't met any of them though (in real life) :-(
Yeah, it was like that 10 years meant nothing. And I had to twist her arm to get straight answers. If she had said something earlier instead of passively aggessively not replying, it would have saved both of us aggravation.

Another "friend" did something similar, after I really went out on a limb for her.

There are definitely people in every profession who don't belong in it, and mental health is definitely one of the top ones, in my opinion. Even THEY resort to platitudes, with all their fancy degrees. My current one had the idiocy to say "Happy Holidays" to me when we first started our session on the phone. (I posted about it elsewhere) WTF?? After all the stuff I told her about how I hate the holidays and how people keep saying happy this and that?

Either it doesn't sink in or she's not taking notes or she shouldn't be in this profession. I have just a few left with her and they make you jump through too many hoops to change therapists anyway. I really miss the one I had before but she left the organization.

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Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here.


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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 06:29 PM
  #48
I started my online forum journey a while ago---13 years ago, wow. That kind of blows my mind. I can't believe all the hills and valleys I've been through on this journey!

Before I developed a deep depression, I was a very different person. (I imagine it's like that for a lot of people.) I used to be an open book, and very trusting. I never worried too much about what people thought of me, although I did always try and be kind. I was very quick to take people into my heart, and under my wing. I felt like nothing could ever break my spirit. Still, I would periodically find myself completely misunderstood, and had more than my share of confusing interactions with people I thought understood me very well.

When the worst of the depression hit, it tore away so much of what I had considered to be "me". I became exceedingly worried, frightened almost all the time, and did develop a bit of paranoia. Suddenly, I found myself becoming very angry and hurt over the smallest slights. And I found I could no longer defend myself verbally, in real time. That was quite a big problem, as I had always been pretty articulate. And some people did seize on it, and use it against me. That was the worst; What kind of human being goes kicking a person when they're very clearly down?! Yes, and it happened more than once.

So, when I started visiting online forums, I was an absolute mess, confidence-wise. It feels like it took me forever to find my way around and figure out which people/ subjects to reply to; and which people/ subjects to completely avoid. But I finally did, just as in day-to-day life.

Loneliness can be quite a motivator. It gave me the courage to continue on, even when I found myself suddenly dropped, ignored, attacked outright, and even stalked. I could tell you stories! With the help of more experienced moderators and friends, I got better at managing the triggers and the trolls. I'm still cautious about who I share personal info with, as it has cost me dearly in the past. But I do believe with all my heart that being online has helped me regain an awful lot of what I had lost. I don't know where I'd be right now, without it.

And, finding this place was a huge step-up from the last forum I was on. It is much safer and friendlier, and has remained that way, right from day 1.

It's good, I think, to remember that this place is populated by people who are suffering some of the worst emotional pain a person can experience. That can make people volatile. Try to remember, too, that this is a tool to help you in your recovery. It need not be an over-arching presence in anyone's life. It became that, for me, when I first found forums. Every little interaction would dominate my every waking thought. My self-esteem swung on a very loose gate, back and forth, all the time it seemed. But It all finally settled-down to a mellow hum, eventually. Give it, and yourself, time.

And, I'm an old dinosaur. I much prefer writing to speaking in person, as my confidence about my cognitive quickness is not quite back up where it used to be. So, I am very self-conscious in person, and always thinking people are either 'out to get me', or hugely unimpressed. So, chat is also a troubling option for me.

I can review and edit when I write. That's not always the case when speaking with someone. And, even with feeling & doing much better, as well as being cautious and courteous, misunderstandings still can and do happen. And they will make me cringe to the end of my days.

I think it takes an awful lot of courage to open up in front of people, online, or otherwise. Give yourselves points for that!
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Default Jan 05, 2022 at 10:29 PM
  #49
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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 03:56 PM
  #50


I can relate to a lot of this....

Confusing interactions with people who I thought understood me well ..

I also find this forum much safer and friendlier than other forums I've been on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuseumGhost View Post
I started my online forum journey a while ago---13 years ago, wow. That kind of blows my mind. I can't believe all the hills and valleys I've been through on this journey!

Before I developed a deep depression, I was a very different person. (I imagine it's like that for a lot of people.) I used to be an open book, and very trusting. I never worried too much about what people thought of me, although I did always try and be kind. I was very quick to take people into my heart, and under my wing. I felt like nothing could ever break my spirit. Still, I would periodically find myself completely misunderstood, and had more than my share of confusing interactions with people I thought understood me very well.

When the worst of the depression hit, it tore away so much of what I had considered to be "me". I became exceedingly worried, frightened almost all the time, and did develop a bit of paranoia. Suddenly, I found myself becoming very angry and hurt over the smallest slights. And I found I could no longer defend myself verbally, in real time. That was quite a big problem, as I had always been pretty articulate. And some people did seize on it, and use it against me. That was the worst; What kind of human being goes kicking a person when they're very clearly down?! Yes, and it happened more than once.

So, when I started visiting online forums, I was an absolute mess, confidence-wise. It feels like it took me forever to find my way around and figure out which people/ subjects to reply to; and which people/ subjects to completely avoid. But I finally did, just as in day-to-day life.

Loneliness can be quite a motivator. It gave me the courage to continue on, even when I found myself suddenly dropped, ignored, attacked outright, and even stalked. I could tell you stories! With the help of more experienced moderators and friends, I got better at managing the triggers and the trolls. I'm still cautious about who I share personal info with, as it has cost me dearly in the past. But I do believe with all my heart that being online has helped me regain an awful lot of what I had lost. I don't know where I'd be right now, without it.

And, finding this place was a huge step-up from the last forum I was on. It is much safer and friendlier, and has remained that way, right from day 1.

It's good, I think, to remember that this place is populated by people who are suffering some of the worst emotional pain a person can experience. That can make people volatile. Try to remember, too, that this is a tool to help you in your recovery. It need not be an over-arching presence in anyone's life. It became that, for me, when I first found forums. Every little interaction would dominate my every waking thought. My self-esteem swung on a very loose gate, back and forth, all the time it seemed. But It all finally settled-down to a mellow hum, eventually. Give it, and yourself, time.

And, I'm an old dinosaur. I much prefer writing to speaking in person, as my confidence about my cognitive quickness is not quite back up where it used to be. So, I am very self-conscious in person, and always thinking people are either 'out to get me', or hugely unimpressed. So, chat is also a troubling option for me.

I can review and edit when I write. That's not always the case when speaking with someone. And, even with feeling & doing much better, as well as being cautious and courteous, misunderstandings still can and do happen. And they will make me cringe to the end of my days.

I think it takes an awful lot of courage to open up in front of people, online, or otherwise. Give yourselves points for that!

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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 06:37 PM
  #51
Hugggs, Fuzzy and SprinkL3. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read alla that.

Just about everyone who comes here is looking for acceptance and validation. And perhaps if we're very lucky, we'll find some kind of understanding based on shared experiences...and then even friendly relationships, which can be incredibly rewarding (if scary or challenging).

I've met so many amazing, strong brave people here---some of the bravest and best people I've met, anywhere. I feel it is a kind of privilege to have met you all.

"What fortitude the Soul contains, That it can so endure The accent of a coming Foot- The opening of a Door."
Emily Dickinson
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Default Jan 06, 2022 at 09:54 PM
  #52
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Originally Posted by SprinkL3 View Post
I'm trying to get better at online groups and forums. I get triggered once in a while, and then my mental illness kicks in big time. So then, I don't do well with online groups. I wish I could censor myself when I feel the trigger coming on, but many times I don't even know what triggers me until afterward.

I sometimes try to reply to help others, but I really don't know what to say sometimes. I'm socially awkward even online, LOL.

There are times when I know what to say, but many times I kind of go on a tangent and write what pops into my mind at the moment. And sometimes I misread things.

This pandemic has me on edge, so I can easily misread some things.

I'm doing what I can to catch myself, but it's hard.

I would rather try to stay and improve on the online forums thing here.

Does anyone else struggle with this?
I appreciate your work.
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Default May 27, 2022 at 02:15 AM
  #53
I prefer online instead of face to face or on the phone, it's safer


The time I struggle with online is when people don't use smilies, so I tend to assume they are angry and hate me, particularly if they are forum authorities and are speaking to me in pm
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