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eskielover
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Default Apr 12, 2022 at 11:17 PM
  #21
It is interesting how when we adopt our pets & they become our fur babies that they just blend in as part of the family without mental issues unless they were badly abused. Then it just takes time & a lot of love to get them through their PTSD & feel safe. Animals thrive on family love & where they came from doesn't matter to them unless they are getting over abuse.

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Default Apr 13, 2022 at 10:49 AM
  #22
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
It is interesting how when we adopt our pets & they become our fur babies that they just blend in as part of the family without mental issues unless they were badly abused. Then it just takes time & a lot of love to get them through their PTSD & feel safe. Animals thrive on family love & where they came from doesn't matter to them unless they are getting over abuse.

I am certain my angel girl Ebony had ptsd.

Just saying
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Default Apr 13, 2022 at 08:56 PM
  #23
Yeah, they can have PTSD from prior abuse. But a loving home helps them. Also animals aren't as attached to their biological children as humans tend to be.
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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 01:04 AM
  #24
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Yeah, they can have PTSD from prior abuse. But a loving home helps them. Also animals aren't as attached to their biological children as humans tend to be.
I often wonder if that attachment is because we think we should be or because we really are? Babies adopted at birth never know their biological parents to gain that attachment. I could see the attachment at an older age though.

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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 11:56 AM
  #25
@kiran ~ its not heavy. I totally agree with your comment. Easier said then done after years and years of my own life experiences. Being grateful and finding the joy in life IS very powerful!

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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 12:24 PM
  #26
@eskielover ~ you make a very insightful point about animals. I love how you expressed that. Thank you! I do believe somewhere down the road healthy attachments can form with people that build their tribe that loves them unconditionally. That being said, acceptance with the good, bad and the ugly is the key for me. We all have our views on how words are used. (I have little by little)

My life experience: A natural baby given up for adoption from its natural parents (especially) from their maternal side builds no attachment until later. I was in an Catholic orphanage for about 3 months before I was adopted. How could a person learn bonding/attachment during that period of different people caring for you. Once I was adopted, it took awhile for me to form some type of attachment to my mom however it was even harder and longer with my Dad.

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Default Apr 14, 2022 at 12:42 PM
  #27
Yes, an orphanage experience would be tough.

I think my mom had post-partum depression though, which makes it hard for biological mothers to bond with their babies. It's not an issue with adoption.
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Default Apr 23, 2022 at 12:12 AM
  #28
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I speak from my own experience. I was adopted (3 months) and it has been a life long part of my metal health. (I have had a difficult time with it) When I was told I was adopted around 5-6yrs old I did not understand the magnitude it would affect me down the road. Are there any others that have this sort of experience in their own life?

Hello Sage, and all posting comments in this thread.

Wasn't expecting to find a thread dedicated to adoption trauma when I joined this forum.


I'm a trans-racial adoptee. I was told around 5 or 6 yrs of age, too. Even though I looked so different to everyone else in my family I can recall being incredulous.

My parents were also problematic: Dad didn't speak to me for more than 10 years - not a word. We even passed on the street without acknowledging one another.


Mum, I now believe, suffered some form of depression/covert narcissism. She also had an issue with boundaries. She called me 'Sambo' once when she was upset. Told me all of my 'clan' were the same with a chip on their shoulder (feeling the world owes them something for being black). She expressed upset by not talking to my sister and I for weeks on end. She also tols me, when I was 8 or so, that she had tried to commit suicide over me when the adoption was going through a difficult period.

I have deep-rooted issues around relationships/intimacy, trust etc. All of my significant relationships have fallen apart. I have no friends.

I'm also moderately positive about the future, believe it or not! Only recently separated from my wife and two little ones but determined to turn this difficult situation into something positive.

I consider myself a work in progress and am dedicating myself deepening my understanding of how I arrived here.

I have never met my natural parents and only occasionally get a twinge of curiosity about them.


Please be reassured you are not alone in your struggles.
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Default Apr 23, 2022 at 10:03 AM
  #29
Welcome @Orwellian Nightmare and thanks for sharing your story!

I'm sorry you had those issues with your parents, but I love that you still have hope.
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