Emotionally healthy

I would have thought "unhealthy" was a neutral word -- attempting to be factual. It's a lot better to me than the many variations of "crazy" or "bad" or "evil" or "untrustworthy" that I am familiar with.

Our society does not see emotional illness as an illness, similar to other illnesses in that sense, but rather sees it as something frightening, and therefore loads it with emotional words -- even those who suffer from it usually see emotional imbalance in many others the same way. Even right here in River City.

Difficulties that we now recognize as caused by physical things were previously thought of as caused by demons or other non-understandable factors. Our very language still preserves that viewpoint.

Human history is filled with instances of difficulties widely seen as "bad" and attempts to deal with them on that basis -- always unsuccessfully. [I see the whole of "criminal law" in that light.] Only if we see our feelings and facts as separate things will be be able to deal with facts.

People who act in emotionally-imbalanced ways can be seen as actually having a disorder, and we have certain emotions about them. The facts and our feelings are different things, which we very often have not distinguished. When we are able to accept our true feelings then we can see "facts" (even others' behavior) for what they are.

Added: much to my surprise I have found that when I can recognize my own emotions they are much more rewarding to me, and (I think) I can see facts more clearly too. They become less frightening. Fear attached to thoughts and feelings distorts everything.

yeah, I don't have a problem with unhealthy. Someone once said "bad coping mechanisms" I feel like unhealthy is far more neutral. Bad made me think of evil or something. And that's not the case.

That is why I usually use the term "dysfunctional" & not "bad".

Thing is with emotionally dysfunctional (unhealthy) behaviors it is almost contagious to the kids growing up in environments like that. They learn the dysfunctional ways they are living around & ways to deal with it & those ways become symptoms that need to be dealt with later on in life because the skills we learn in dysfunctional surroundings growing up really don't work well for us as adults in most cases.

I tried to change the dysfunctional behaviors I grew up around in my own house but honestly because I never had a good example to base my change on, I created a whole DIFFERENT dysfunction for my daughter to grow up in & that just piles up generation after generation.

Thing is, when we have physical illnesses, we are considered "unhealthy" until those symptoms are recovered from. Is Mental health really any different? (An interesting discussion point). Sometimes when we do struggle with mental health issues, we totally forget how much we actually do affect those around us & what they go through to deal with it in their own lives.

I know when my depression was really bad & all it brought with it my now ex struggled as much as I did dealing with his ASD issues. Do we get into a contest of who affects who the worst or who offends who the worst? Sometimes we get so caught up in our own issues & don't think about that our issues affect others around us too. It is definitely juggling because we need to take care of ourselves FIRST just like with any physical illness.

I agree. I have been physically unhealthy too, and people don't usually judge me for it. It's sad that they often do judge for being emotionally unhealthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely I agree. I have been physically unhealthy too, and people don't usually judge me for it. It's sad that they often do judge for being emotionally unhealthy.

I think many times those who judge the most may be the ones who are the most negatively effected by it. I know I wasn't angry about my mom dealing with the cancer at the end of her life but her dysfunctional, emotionally unhealthy choices she made that created situations that actually harmed me was not easy to deal with or to not judge her choices. Causing situations because of her bad choices that the police had to get involved in along with putting me in a position I felt my life was being threatened is really hard not to be judgmental of. Many times the negative effect isn't that extreme but still hard not to be judgmental when hurt by a dysfunctional behavior.

Also after living for 33 years in a bad marriage, I totally swear clear of anyone who even comes across being like my ex. I can be social at a distance but the barrier is up for any relationship closer than a distance & yes, that is judging his emotional unhealthy behaviors....the T basically said he had the emotional maturity of a 13 year old at the age of 54. Hard not to judge at least internally when one has been harmed by certain behaviors.....behaviors that may not even bother others

Yeah, my mom has always been very unhappy. No police involved, but it hurt to hear she didn't want kids, wanted a different life for herself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely Yeah, my mom has always been very unhappy. No police involved, but it hurt to hear she didn't want kids, wanted a different life for herself.

Yes, I didn't want any kids either. I knew I didn't know how to be a good parent given what my parents were like & I didn't want to screw up a kid the way I felt they did. Thought a career would be a much safer direction to go in....BUT things don't always go the way we plan in our heads. I also fought it when I found out I was pregnant because my husband tried to make it an either or situation & I was determined at that point to have both my career & our child. I won!!!! But putting someone in a position like that creates bad feelings that just build over time when other things get piled on. Sadly that was also me fighting the generational emotional dysfunction I grew up with so it was compounded & I handled the situation in my own dysfunctional way because for me it was a war situation & that usually is never handled in a really functional way

Mom honestly didn't know what she wanted. She never had a career either. Married my dad and had 3 kids because of family and society expectations.

Yep,many a times they have kids because they are supposed to.I always thought my parents never wanted me,or they were not yet ready for parenthood or they felt I was a burden or something.My mom was very vocal about my existence and the only words that came out of her mouth are....go die,why donot you die ?,DIE....DIE.....DIE.Emotional unhealthiness to the core.I am very much scared when I see one that displays some kind of emotional disbalance.I understand someone or something dysfunctional is making them that way.But I am scared anyways.

pachy, I would say a relatively small percentage of people are very emotionally healthy. Do you have any statistics on it? Evaluation by health professionals about the percentage?

I know my parents' families all had their unhealthy moments--and my parents certainly did. And I am the most healthy I have ever been--after years of therapy.

No, just judging by the state of the world I see.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pachyderm No, just judging by the state of the world I see.

So true!!!! Not sure there would be any way to get statistics on this. I know my parents thought they were totally emotionally healthy but that was not how I saw or experienced it & I thought I was emotionally healthy while screwing up my own daughter.
After time & lots of therapy, got that sorted out & know how emotionally unhealthy I was living in my bad marriage....at the time I saw it as survival

I think a lot of people are in denial. Some of us do learn and change. But some never do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely I think a lot of people are in denial. Some of us do learn and change. But some never do.

My parents weren't in denial. That would mean they had to understand about emotional health in the first place & they were clueless......they just considered it was normal cause it was all they knew. Same for me actually until I left the emotionally unhealthy marriage I was in & saw what emotionally healthy people behaved like & had good therapy at the same time. Both my parents had died before I left my own marriage.

I just read today that a psychiatrist in my city said one in five people have a diagnosable mental illness (I assume as in something in the latest DSM. I assume that's likely something the doctor didn't just make up....) That sounds possible....

I think this is true. Some people are in denial so therefore they don't learn and change. I wouldn't necessarily say ''never'' (all or nothing thinking?) but it can feel that way for sure.

It sounds plausible, especially after the pandemic, since it has caused loneliness, and our society was already going towards being more lonely (at least in my perspective) before the pandemic started.

The thing I dislike about the statistics about mental illnesses is the way it's characterized in the media: such that it's a "loss of productivity" that we've incurred due to mental illness. It's like, how are we going to "gain back" that loss of productivity? Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a loss of productivity as a huge deal. I think the way we are treating each other (I'm talking in general, not things in particular) is the problem or at least a large part of it, and it shouldn't be focused on that we have a loss of productivity. That's just one side effect of a larger problem.

I have a major pet peeve when mental illness is spoken about in the media as a loss of productivity. As you might be able to tell. Ha.

Especially after looking at pictures of the audiences in Trump rallies...

I know we shouldn't get into politics here,, but, yes, some people would include these folks with ones who are deluded.

What gets me is all the violence we are having in the U.S. It seems like every day people are being shot when they go out to public places. Makes me want to stay at home, another reason besides COVID.