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wanderingfragments
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Default Jul 28, 2022 at 12:56 AM
  #1
this might sound like a weird question, but there's a lot going on here. i am very awkward as a person, and generally don't know how to start conversations or meet people very well. i spent 8 years not allowed to leave the house, talk to people or make friends. not even for school. i wasn't allowed to talk to anyone outside of family and trusted close family friends for that period. only recently was i allowed to get a job and it's undeniable that, to my coworkers, i come off as incredibly strange. they find it rather endearing and delightful, even if i don't always know why they're laughing at something i said.

but because of not being allowed to talk to people, combined with brain damage and autism, i'm often just left completely out of the loop about how to talk to people.


can someone just give me the rules? i feel like i know the basics, (i.e. don't talk about your butt rash at work), but it always feels like there's more going on that i don't understand.

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Default Jul 28, 2022 at 12:43 PM
  #2
Honestly, I'm on the autism spectrum too, and they never told me the rules. It seems like other people know them.

Here are a few tips for work though:

Avoid topics such as sex, religion, and politics
Weather is usually a safe topic or anything work-related
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Default Jul 28, 2022 at 01:04 PM
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Originally Posted by downandlonely View Post
Honestly, I'm on the autism spectrum too, and they never told me the rules. It seems like other people know them.

Here are a few tips for work though:

Avoid topics such as sex, religion, and politics
Weather is usually a safe topic or anything work-related



what about when talking to other people outside of work? such as friends?

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Default Aug 03, 2022 at 10:13 PM
  #4
Those of us not on the autism spectrum have had to learn the basics of conversation. If it's someone new, then something like the weather is safe to start with. Then follow their lead. If they then move to a different subject, then go to that subject.

Honestly, there's a need to pick up on social cues, such as nonverbal language and that's hard to do. But look for signs that they don't want to talk such as backing away--or of course, even leaving. Or frowning or rolling their eyes perhaps.

(Gee, is there a book to help autistic folks with these rules?)

I was a very quiet child and picked up lots about how to communicate by watching TV, actually.


I don't know if reading about the mistakes in communicating that autistic people often make is helpful, but here's an article about it.


10 "Rude" Things Autistic People Do (And What They Really Mean) - Autistic & Unapologetic


Could you even hire someone to spend time with you in social situations to help guide you? Or perhaps find a class or a teacher who can work with you?

Someone help me here: Would it help if an autistic person said something like, "I'm on the autistic spectrum, so I might not say or do the right thing in talking to you. But I want to learn to communicate better. So I'd appreciate it if you tell me if I do or say something inappropriate" ?

I'm glad you've asked about communication. I wish I knew you and we could become friends, but that's not possible, given the My Support Forums set-up.

Last edited by Travelinglady; Aug 03, 2022 at 10:28 PM..
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Default Aug 06, 2022 at 08:29 AM
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Default Aug 06, 2022 at 10:22 AM
  #6
Honestly, my experiences with neurotypical women (those not on the spectrum) have not been good. Men tend to be more direct, but women seem to have some secret language with each other that I never learned. And they think being female means I did learn it...

So I find I mainly can only have men and women on the autism spectrum as friends. Large groups of only women are the worst.
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Default Aug 07, 2022 at 04:05 AM
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Hmmmm, I grew up with a dad who was most likely on the spectrum who died long before spectrum diagnostics existed. I never learned what a real conversation was like growing up.

Then not knowing, I got married to a guy who also was most likely on the spectrum....again, long before high functioning ASD was ever diagnosed. A marriage without real conversation either.

It wasn't until I was out of those environments that I really learned how to have conversations with people & now I can talk to anyone about anything. I am sure that my just listening & learning about everything around me in life now has helped. My ex-H would go off topic in a conversation & when I asked why later on he said it was because he didn't know anything about what was being talked about. I think that is really key. Doesn't have to be detailed discussion but knowing details helps talk about things in conversation in a more general way.

My ex-H only had a small area of interest in his life that he really knew anything about & that does limit conversations.

Conversations are about listening, adding points you know, & asking questions. Just an aside, I have found the older I get, the more actual experiences I have, the more I have learned, the easier it is to talk with other people on many diverse topics from plumbing to mechanics of autos & lawn tractors, from accounting to technology/computers, from farming plants to birthing horse foals & caring for & handling the care of animals, from classical music & instrumental chamber music to history. Enough to know enough to engage in a conversation on any topic with anyone without sounding like a know it all. Mostly listen & ask questions & throw in bits of information from my own experiences.

Lol....today, standing in a line, the people in back of me were talking about snakes....I actually joined in because I have encountered snakes around my farm including a 4 ft rat snake I found in my upstairs bathroom & rescued it back out into my woods & we had a great little conversation. Others in my group noticed something on one of those guys shirts & started talking to them about others they knew & had been involved with the group they were in.

Conversations are about observing, listening, asking questions & adding a little of what you know to the mix.

It took me until I was over 54 to be able to learn to be able to have fun, interesting conversations & sometimes with people I don't even know. Practice over the last 15 years has made it easier & easier & I have learned so much about so many things these last 15 years it makes conversations much easier to be involved in.

Lol... @downandlonely, I am definitely neurological even though 54 years of my life was basically living with a dad & a husband who weren't.....& I am definitely direct but could be because I was a computer engineer in a mostly male dominated field

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Default Aug 07, 2022 at 08:19 AM
  #8
Something to remember is don't walk up to people who are clearly having a private conversation and try join in, two people who are close physically and keeping their voices down wouldn't appreciate someone else trying to join in the conversation
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Default Aug 07, 2022 at 08:45 AM
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Something to remember is don't walk up to people who are clearly having a private conversation and try join in, two people who are close physically and keeping their voices down wouldn't appreciate someone else trying to join in the conversation
Good tip. I have actually probably done this, interrupted people at parties.
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Default Aug 09, 2022 at 01:37 PM
  #10
If they are having what sounds like a private conversation I would never get involved in a conversation like that. Now, standing in a long line & the people around me are having a general conversation, I have gotten involved & we all ended up having a fun conversation which made standing in a long line much less boring for all of us

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