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#21
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Mendingmysoul, MuseumGhost, Werewoman
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Mendingmysoul
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#22
I didn't wish death for my abuser.A simple death will be a non consequential liberation for her.I wished her to be disabled and to depend on me.I wanted to do my business in her potty mouth.Yep,the potty mouth it is.It did nothing but spill **** all the time.I wanted to put it back in her mouth while she lays helpless in a literal sense. ( a justice for what she did to her helpless, naive innocent child).Wouldn't it be ?
After wishing and imagining the scenario of doing potty in her mouth, I felt disgusted at myself.For having those kinds of thoughts about my abuser I resented myself.The guilt was immense. Now I don't have these thoughts of revenge anymore.I didn't forgive or forget,but don't feel immense resentment towards her either. |
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#23
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for some people in this world, them being in agony and reliant on the people they hurt, for the rest of their life, would be more like karma getting them back thats if anyone believes in karma |
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Bill3, Mendingmysoul, Werewoman
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#24
Death of my first husband meant I'd be a widow instead of divorced at 23 years old. That was hard pill to swallow. I wished him dead prayed for him to die, etc. At one point wanted to kill him.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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Have Hope
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#25
I believe in the notion of Karma so I don't wish death upon those who have hurt me. Hurtful and bad people get their lessons in due time. I think the best way to handle it is to live your best life, to let go of the anger and rage you feel over any injustices and pain, and to move forward in life, finding things to make you feel happy and fulfilled. As they say, happiness is the best revenge.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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#26
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__________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Aurelius710
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#27
I can't say I haven't had the thought, especially regarding my dad, but anytime I go down that road it always comes back to bite me in the #$$. Honestly, if I want to indulge a revenge fantasy, I'd rather these people experience sad, poetic justice. My dad has spent his life insulting, demeaning and abusing the people around him, but is terrified of being alone. The only people left in his life are my mother and myself and my mother is dying. When she passes, I'm not sticking around. I mean, he pushed everyone away. He can stew in indignation and anger at the injustice of it all. Of being alone. Unremarked. Forgotten. It's quite sad, but it's the bed he's made for himself.
__________________ "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." -Litany Against Fear (Dune) Last edited by Aurelius710; Aug 12, 2022 at 08:36 AM.. |
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#28
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Aurelius710, MuseumGhost, Werewoman
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Aurelius710
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#29
__________________ "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." -Litany Against Fear (Dune) |
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Buffy01
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#30
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__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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Bill3, MuseumGhost
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#31
I like what Aurelius wrote. That was very well written.
I have heard, or read somewhere, that it is actually normal to wish these things on people who have repeatedly abused and/or humiliated us. It is not normal, however, to follow through with it. I have had several people on that list over the years, and it shifts and changes based on time elapsed, and my own circumstances. The farther away from the circumstances I get, the less power it all has over me, definitely. I do still hope that there is some kind of cosmic retribution waiting for them. Dante's Inferno is full of descriptions of hell, based on the level of sin you participated in, in life. I do recall the abusers, and the reputation destroyers, have a special place all their own---and it's one of the worst. That's good to think about. Wishes for healing.... |
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#32
Perhaps when I was younger I wished someone dead, most likely two really sadistic math teachers - one who used to hit me in the head. (Both have died in recent years, so HA.)
These days, I mostly hope I'll never again come across anyone I wish dead. __________________ |
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Anonymous32448, mote.of.soul, MuseumGhost
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Phrysca
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#33
Yes! I know that feeling so well I dreamt that I had killed that person. I could still feel what I felt in that dream. It felt as real as my feelings towards wanting to kill that person. I could also still feel the guilt.
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mote.of.soul, MuseumGhost
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mote.of.soul
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#34
I have actually wanted to kill people, yes. I never thought I'd ever have such a desire, but a few years ago in my darkest times of having so much hate for humanity, day in and day out, I'll put it this way, I could suddenly see how a mad person could go on a terrible shooting rampage. Such an awful time in my life, glad it's faded into the mist.
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Open Eyes
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#35
Toxic/abusive/disordered narcissistic individuals like to manipulate others emotionally. They see this causing emotional pain as empowering. They need to stand out and cannot thrive without others they can manipulate and feed off of. They thrive on drama and can act kind yet are not authentically kind and caring.
I have learned much about this toxic type. They have patterns and often claim to possess special powers. They live in their own world/reality and use, use, and act always needing to stand out. They are jealous and controlling and can have terrible tantrums if they feel threatened. Yet in reality they have low self esteem and are weak. They pretend to mourn and care but they don’t, their interest is in having power and control. If your parents die and you need genuine comfort you get very little and what you do get if anything is a big inconvenience. It’s inconvenient to give up any power and a toxic person always needs validation and attention. You are only a guest in their world and if they don’t get what they want, they discard all the while playing the victim. I do not care to let a toxic individual pull me into the corrupt mentality they want. Then they win. They don’t change either so it’s best to distance. They can get very good at getting others to follow and pitty them. It’s all part of their attempt to have some kind of relevance. They get pretty good at using and word petting as they use but it’s fake. |
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#36
No, but hurt them very badly. I've decided to hope karma gets to them though (still waiting).
__________________ If any chord that I could strum Make me feel less like a man I'd slam my fingers in the doorway And shatter all the bones So I could never strum again |
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MuseumGhost, Open Eyes
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#37
The one thing a toxic person hates? The truth
That’s what I find myself wishing for. That the truth will be exposed. |
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#38
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__________________ Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch. Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live. This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak. In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living. Like love, it's how we know we're alive. And life goes on. That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries |
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#39
I personally understand the feelings behind the need to off someone. The feelings of frustration for connection with people who aren't skilled in empathy (reciprocal connection in feeling heard and understood) is a formula for exponential frustration. It ends when you kill the need within yourself to bang your head against the same brick wall. Therapy gave me a new skillset of coping tools, but Thom Bond's Compassion Course sealed the deal because the course taught me to first listen to myself, feel my feelings because they guide me to my needs and then speak respectfully in wanting to know if the other person wants to connect differently in sharing mutual needs. Yes or no. Win/win either way. New tools brought into the mix or walk away peacefully. Your folks are old, perhaps stuck in their ways and may feel anxiety from the toxic shrapnel. I learned to watch over their care as Mom's adult child AND also claim my adult autonomy without becoming enmeshed in her drama. Very liberating. Especially when she went into a care home. She died at age 90 in her sleep, and I felt relieved without shedding a tear.
Last edited by bluekoi; Nov 15, 2022 at 08:05 PM.. Reason: Administrative edit. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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#40
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MuseumGhost
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