Controlling Our Thoughts - How?

*Beth* · Dec 04, 2022 at 10:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

I was much too young when I read those books. Lila sounds good.

I was way too young, also. It would probably do me good to read them now.

*Beth* · Dec 04, 2022 at 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I'm going to advocate for DBT too. I'm doing it solo with my T right now but am hoping to join a group soon. I'm still doing self-destructive things as a newb, but at least now I'm pausing and realizing I'm making choice to be self-destructive, and those things aren't as bad now for the most part.

Thanks, Boots. You are the main person who has sparked my interest in DBT. It would be great if we had a DBT board here on the forum. I'm so desperate for others who get it and who are working on the same stuff. I can't remember, are you using a specific book or workbook?

Nammu · Dec 04, 2022 at 10:50 PM

I wonder what would be my take now on, if you meet Buddha on the road, kill him. Now? I was in high school and very limited experience having been sheltered and living in a fairly small Midwest town. He wrote about the therapy experience and opined that the therapist can not give instructions to the patient but only listen. I didn’t start therapy until I was 27.

*Beth* · Dec 04, 2022 at 11:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aurelius710

The Mindfulness of Breathing meditations I learned when I attended a Buddhist temple helped me immensely with negative thoughts. It's exactly what it says on the tin: One is supposed to focus on the breath and clear all else from your mind. I never could do it and it bugged me, until I realized it wasn't about clearing your mind at all, but returning to center. When I did that meditation and my thoughts strayed, I "looked" at my stray thoughts, accepted that they were there and turned my mental self back to center and the breath.

Took a lot of practice to get to that point!

Thank you for sharing your experience with that, Aurelius. It is such an amazingly liberating experience when we are able to let that happen.

I feel like I've gone backwards. When I was younger I clicked into the concept of meditation well. "Watching my thoughts"...I understood the idea and was often able to pull it off pretty well. Along about my late 40's I began to feel so anxious, so fearful. Doubted my beliefs, doubted everything. Then the awful seasonal depressions and by now managing my thoughts has become terribly challenging.

Open Eyes · Dec 05, 2022 at 04:26 AM

I think our thoughts are connected to our emotions and doing our best to “not feel”. I think many have been raised to not feel “don’t cry, don’t be angry, don’t be sad, don’t be scared etc”. That’s actually unhealthy as one tends to believe that feeling emotions is wrong and expressing them is wrong, even selfish.

In therapy we learn that is wrong and is at the root of our anxiety, depression, and low self esteem. And DBT is a therapy that focuses on naming emotions and what they mean and that they are normal. If the focus is on not feeling then one doesn’t know what emotions mean and that you are not bad or wrong if you experience different emotions. You can’t become emotionally intelligent if you avoid emotions.

lizardlady · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I love it!! liz, if you care to share...are you still on meds?

Beth, I will be on meds the rest of my life. When I first started taking them I did NOT want to take them forever. I thought being permanently on meds was some sort of failure.

At one point I persuaded my pdoc to let me try stopping one of the three antidepressants I take. I did it the right way. I slowly tapered off with his supervision. One day I noticed I was making suicide plans and was not bothered by that. Made an appt. to see him ASAP. Told him it didn't bother me that I was making plans, instead was.bothered that THAT did not bother me. I got back on the med that day.

That experience was enough to convince me to be okay with being on the meds the rest of my life. On the rare occasion I miss a dose I feel the depression monster rattling its chains. That's enough to keep me convinced. I'm okay with taking the meds because I NEVER want to go back to the mess I used to be.

lizardlady · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I not only believe you, I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever invented for being smart about taking the steps to see to it that you got medication for yourself and that you got yourself into therapy and worked so hard to gain a sense of being able to work with your thoughts.

You did what worked. That's wisdom, and your self-care is admirable.

So, I'm wondering something. These days, when you feel your thoughts begin to take the wrong direction and you say to yourself, Whoa, liz, time to get back on track. I need to....

What's the first step you take?

I'd say the first step is recognizing when the negative thoughts start, or at least recognize I am having them. Sounds kinda weird, huh? But how can I address something if I don't know I'm doing it?

Then I need to identify what's causing the negative thoughts. A major source for me is spending too much time playing on my phone. That nagging voice at the back of my head starts in about being "nonproductive" and "wasting time." That spirals into lack of self-worth and other shyte.

Some times I remind myself I'm retired and can "waste" as much time as I want. Some times I make myself put down the phone and go do something.

I would encourage everyone to be kind to yourself while you work on new skills. Remember it will come in baby steps. And, just like a baby learning to walk, we occasionally fall on our butts. That's okay. Just dust yourself off and start again.

Fuzzybear · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:32 AM

I can't take the ****ing meds.... and I'm a ****ing ''mess''.....

So would those be who judge me.

lizardlady · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:38 AM

Fuzzy, I would NEVER judge you, or anyone else, for not taking meds.

Fuzzybear · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lizardlady

Fuzzy, I would NEVER judge you, or anyone else, for not taking meds.

Thanks lizardlady

My body can't tolerate the meds

lizardlady · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:46 AM

(*(*(*(*Fuzzy*)*)*)*)

A gentle hug for you Fuzzy.

Fuzzybear · Dec 05, 2022 at 11:56 AM

((((((((( lizardlady )))))))))

MuddyBoots · Dec 05, 2022 at 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

Thanks, Boots. You are the main person who has sparked my interest in DBT. It would be great if we had a DBT board here on the forum. I'm so desperate for others who get it and who are working on the same stuff. I can't remember, are you using a specific book or workbook?

My therapist is giving me worksheets but I don't know if there from a specific book or not.

TishaBuv · Dec 05, 2022 at 02:53 PM

Amazon.com

I have a copy of this, but this one on amazon looks like a new version that came out this year.

lizardlady · Dec 05, 2022 at 09:58 PM

Beth, I am struggling to practice what I've been preaching tonight. I have been dealing with a problem with Social Security since JANUARY. They keep mailing letters to my home address saying the checks mailed to me keep going back to them. Yes, you read that right. They are mailing letters to the SAME DAMNED ADDRESS they send the checks to. How am I getting the letters, but not the checks!?!? Not to mention I set up my account with them for the money to be direct deposited to my bank account!!!

I've tried to fix this online, I lost count of the number of times I've called the national 800 number. Last call was over an hour. The lady on the phone said she saw the record of my calls. She could not figure out how to solve the problem and told me to go to the local office to talk to someone face to face. Two days later I got a letter telling me I would receive my money Dec. Today I got yet another letter telling my I need to provide them with my correct address. My head almost exploded! I am so ×$_/×^*×+ angry tonight. I could rip someone's head off and shout down the hole! At this point I am living off my savings. I'm ready to offer them use of my tractor to get their heads out of their a$$es!

Ok, back to your topic. I guess I am using my skills. I told myself it's okay to be angry about raging incompetence. I believe the average person would be pissed at the circumstances. I have a plan for what to do in the morning. Meanwhile, I have money in savings that will hold me over until I get this fixed.

Open Eyes · Dec 05, 2022 at 10:19 PM

Maybe these letters are scam. Had you been getting the direct deposit? Have you talked to your bank?

*Beth* · Dec 06, 2022 at 12:22 AM

Mother Theresa would be in hysterics @lizardlady - who wouldn't?!

Honestly, your social security situation is not even about thought management, unless we really stretch it and say you're practicing anger management. Or, well, yes...such a situation could push some people over the edge into certain violent acts one way or the other, so I suppose there is some thought management at work. But what you've described really is the United States government at it's most shameful.

In fact - I would go so far as to strongly suggest you contact the appropriate government person...we PAY them to work FOR us. I have actually done such a thing. Contacted an assembly person, a district whomever - and it can work. You are in a situation that absolutely should not be happening. No, no, no.

*Beth* · Dec 06, 2022 at 12:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Amazon.com

I have a copy of this, but this one on amazon looks like a new version that came out this year.

Thank you!

*Beth* · Dec 06, 2022 at 12:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I can't take the ****ing meds.... and I'm a ****ing ''mess''.....

So would those be who judge me.

I most definitely do not judge you, precious Fuzzy. My heart hurts for you because you have to suffer, though, even more

*Beth* · Dec 06, 2022 at 01:44 AM

This thread is certainly intriguing. Lots of color and texture. So much rich individual experience.

As for me, I don't have a problem with recognizing and identifying my thoughts. I'm honest with myself about what I'm thinking, why I'm thinking it, how I feel.

I began to feel periods of extreme depression and times of intense internal anger/intense elation (which I believe was a form of hypomania) when I was a tiny child. There was serious trauma in my childhood, but not until after my parents divorced (I was age 6). Prior to that my life was secure and really very nice, except that I believe I already had the beginning of a biological mental illness.

So by the time I was in grade school I was battling with my thoughts and, ironically, beginning to learn how to work with them because I had to. By the time I was in high school in the late '70's working with one's thoughts was very en vogue, at least here in California, so I jumped right in...rap groups, Transendental Meditation, therapy of various schools, a wide variety of spiritual paths, whatever came my way, I grabbed it, on into Zen Buddhism in the '90's.

Medication - without it I doubt I'd still be walking the earth. Unless magic mushrooms turn out to be a miracle cure for All That Ails Us, or a new type of LSD is discovered that treats and cures every breed of mental illness in one day, I expect to be a devotee of Big Pharma for the remainder of my days here on this planet. I am a pill-popper and likely will remain one.

But back to thoughts. Thoughts were my hobby, my thing, my eternal fascination. Then along about my late 40's, actually one specific week in November when I was 48, for some reason things came to a dead stop and thoughts stopped being interesting. They turned on me. They became a dark mystery, a mean, creepy puzzle with pieces that kept changing form so none of the pieces would fit right. Like a nightmare.

No more interesting, no more enjoyable intrigue, no more hope for a sparkling-fresh way to manage my thoughts - okay, maybe not all the time - but enough so I felt pleasantly floating on air, not quivering like a leaf in the wind. I didn't expect this: to be 23 days from my 60th birthday and feel so completely lost. I feel ashamed, quite frankly. I truly thought I'd done better than this. I just feel so scared.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Controlling Our Thoughts - How?

My Support Forums

Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,326 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Dec 05, 2022 at 11:32 AM #48 I can't take the **ing meds.... and I'm a **ing ''mess''..... So would those be who judge me. __________________
	Reply With Quote

lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,488 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,515 hugs given	Dec 05, 2022 at 11:38 AM #49 Fuzzy, I would NEVER judge you, or anyone else, for not taking meds.
	Reply With Quote

lizardlady Legendary Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Mid World Posts: 17,488 (SuperPoster!) 21 7,515 hugs given	Dec 05, 2022 at 11:46 AM #51 ((((Fuzzy)))) A gentle hug for you Fuzzy.
	Reply With Quote

Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,326 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Dec 05, 2022 at 11:56 AM #52 ((((((((( lizardlady ))))))))) __________________
	Reply With Quote

TishaBuv Legendary Member Since Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 10,183 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,869 hugs given	Dec 05, 2022 at 02:53 PM #54 Amazon.com I have a copy of this, but this one on amazon looks like a new version that came out this year. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
	Reply With Quote

Open Eyes Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Mar 2011 Location: Northeast USA Posts: 23,113 (SuperPoster!) 13 21.3k hugs given	Dec 05, 2022 at 10:19 PM #56 Maybe these letters are scam. Had you been getting the direct deposit? Have you talked to your bank?
	Reply With Quote