Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

March and November are the two months I always dread, they seem to be the months that loved ones get to be dead

Dearest @Fuzzybear, thanks for stopping by! I've missed you so much lately

Dear @nonightowl, ohhh, I understand your feelings of irritation and annoyance. I know how each of the things you've mentioned can be frustrating. When they all pile one upon another, however, a chain of grrrrrs, and seem to accumulate with no respite, a true depression may be the culprit.

One guaranteed way to develop a different perspective on the Holidays: Spend them with people who are really very much in need, or services that are trying to do some good in the world.

Volunteer at a food bank or a soup kitchen, or even an animal shelter.

Look up ways to help in your own Community. There are always volunteer positions that need filling.

I wish I had the physical strength, the energy, the drive, and the time to do some of these things. I feel the need in my deepest heart.

Sent with all respect, no matter how one feels about the Holidays.

I agree @MuseumGhost. Volunteering was something that was a given in my life from that time I was 14 and "had" to choose a volunteer position as a class project (my partner and I chose to volunteer in a convalescent hospital, as they were called back then, and wow, did we learn a lot about life from those old folks! To this day, I miss one lady, in particular). From then on I volunteered.

A few of my favorite vol positions were working Stand Down, a grass-roots event (sponsored by the Veteran's Administration) for Vietnam veterans, held on a huge parcel of land by the river. Every (legal) service imaginable was provided, from hair cuts to legal advice, housing help, counseling, employment, and so on. I loved just listening to the guy's stories, and they needed to be heard.

I adored the children I worked with when I volunteered to read to first-graders. We'd read a story, then do a craft project related to the story. They were so delighted with the opportunity, and behaved beautifully. My take-away adorable experience was, after reading a story, one little girl raised her hand and out of the blue, absolutely no relation to the story, inquired, "Mrs. _____, What kind of car does you husband drive?" Something was peculating in that child's beautiful little mind, to ask that question, and boy, did I have to bite my lip to keep from giggling when I answered that cutie's very serious inquiry.

The third incredibly rewarding vol position I held was working outreach with at-risk teens. A partner and I would go out on the street in the evening to places where it was known that homeless teens were living, prostituting, hanging out. We'd give them supplies (hygiene kits & condoms), a pack of syringes + little bleach containers/instructions on how to clean everything. We'd also offer them time at a shelter if they wanted a ride over. What a job that was! Talk about rewarding. I vol'd for a year and was completely surprised when my supervisor offered me a paid position. I accepted it and worked there for another year until my own kids needed me in their lives more.

So yes, volunteering can open up brand new and spectacular worlds for everyone involved.

Thanks, *Beth*. I'm not surprised you have done the volunteer option, and done it multiple times. It's especially important around the holidays, I find, to reach out and do what we can for others, if we feel we have the strength to do so.

My contributions in this way have been somewhat small over the last few years. I was not well enough to indulge in full-blown commitment of large chunks of time, even to causes I felt were very worthwhile. But I did do a bit of baking for friends I knew were crushed for time around now. And I looked in on neighbours who were suddenly alone, or who might be kind of left out around Christmas.

It's a time of great want and great need, and of course these can be felt more keenly, now, as Dickens so memorably said. People are so busy with so many other concerns, that staffing can be challenged---and what is needed are feet on the ground, and things getting done.

It was always enriching for me to simply help other people, without the expectation of pay. It's an excellent remedy for feeling alone and cut off from other humans, or feeling our purpose has been lost in this world. And, it has the most profound way of keeping things in perspective.

Because of my back I haven’t volunteered the last 5 years. But I’ve done volunteering since college. Various places, the city social services, NAMI, libraries and animal shelters. If I was more financially stable and had the money I’d volunteer to visit shut-ins. Just visit for an hour to listen.

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Originally Posted by MuseumGhost Thanks, *Beth*. I'm not surprised you have done the volunteer option, and done it multiple times. It's especially important around the holidays, I find, to reach out and do what we can for others, if we feel we have the strength to do so. My contributions in this way have been somewhat small over the last few years. I was not well enough to indulge in full-blown commitment of large chunks of time, even to causes I felt were very worthwhile. But I did do a bit of baking for friends I knew were crushed for time around now. And I looked in on neighbours who were suddenly alone, or who might be kind of left out around Christmas. It's a time of great want and great need, and of course these can be felt more keenly, now, as Dickens so memorably said. People are so busy with so many other concerns, that staffing can be challenged---and what is needed are feet on the ground, and things getting done. It was always enriching for me to simply help other people, without the expectation of pay. It's an excellent remedy for feeling alone and cut off from other humans, or feeling our purpose has been lost in this world. And, it has the most profound way of keeping things in perspective.

How kind, how thoughtful, of you, MG. There are no small volunteer contributions, dear one. Oh, the thought of a baked good showing up at my door, held in the hands of someone willing to sit down and chat for 1/2 an hour in this town "new" to me, and so much smaller and much, much lonelier than my home town was!

I've researched vol positions here, but cannot find anything except jobs connected with judicial stuff (just not an interest of mine) or, because the town has a high population of migrant workers, there is a need for people who speak Spanish to fill vol positions. I could do better with my very, very limited French than I could with my very, very, extremely limited Spanish. I'm no longer connected with the school system of course, so that's a no-go as far as grade-school children.

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Originally Posted by Nammu ...If I was more financially stable and had the money...

An unfortunate reality. It does require money to volunteer. Starting with transportation, possibly parking fees, onto anything one can imagine.

Yeah, I was thinking of gas money. One of my daughter’s first jobs was visiting the elderly and mentally I’ll shut ins. But the gas to drive from place to place was so high it was hardly covered by her wage. So she had to look for a different job that paid better. Because we live in a rural area people are very spread out. One older man she especially hated to leave was stuck on his farm. There was a service that delivered meals to him but what he desperately wanted was someone to talk to, he loved my daughters visits. I just think there aught to be more money for things like that than $99 digital card.

Regarding the push to volunteer, I volunteered my ***** off many times over the years. And not only was it gas money, before it got this high even, it was my time and energy. In hindsight I’m not sure how much I was appreciated. It ought to be a two way street with both sides getting something from it.

I’m not ashamed to say I’m in a place where I need to RECEIVE whether it’s a hug, a listening ear, or a kind gesture of some kind. I used to be a client of a nonprofit during lockdowns where they had volunteers to call or visit seniors. I can’t afford it now as they started charging money last year, considering Covid to be over. It was free before, then they said they can’t do it for free anymore.

Ah.. Tis the season to be JOLLY, fa la la la la, La la la…oh f***!

It should just be about being with people you have real connections with, not superficial ones.

I personally think the gifts, decorations, food are the icing on the cake or cherry on top of a sundae. It’s a nice extra touch but ONLY if one truly enjoys those things. Otherwise it’s an obligation and causes nothing but stress and resentment.

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Posted directly on site using iphone

And another thing about the holidays is many places are short staffed since people take a lot of days off. I have business to take care of but have to wait till the holidays are over.

I’m talking about places like law offices or customer service numbers, not retailers or restaurants. It’s kind of like things come to a standstill cause of the holidays. Mail is delayed too.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by Nammu Yeah, I was thinking of gas money. One of my daughter’s first jobs was visiting the elderly and mentally I’ll shut ins. But the gas to drive from place to place was so high it was hardly covered by her wage. So she had to look for a different job that paid better. Because we live in a rural area people are very spread out. One older man she especially hated to leave was stuck on his farm. There was a service that delivered meals to him but what he desperately wanted was someone to talk to, he loved my daughters visits. I just think there aught to be more money for things like that than $99 digital card.

Exactly. If I owned a reliable car, had the money for gas, and a bit extra for a sandwich, piece of fruit, and a drink, I could easily find at least 25 volunteer jobs I would gladly sign up for in my home city and drive the 70 mile r/t a couple of times/week. But those resources are not available at this time in my life.

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Originally Posted by nonightowl I’m not ashamed to say I’m in a place where I need to RECEIVE whether it’s a hug, a listening ear, or a kind gesture of some kind....

No, there's nothing there to be ashamed of. I'm feeling much the same way this season.

I joyfully poured an immense, constant amount of unconditional love into raising my family and the result I'm seeing is yes, two successful children. But my daughter is terribly selfish and lacks empathy while she climbs the professional academic ladder. My son, while a truly admirable, lovely young man, is extremely focused on his professional pursuits, then on de-stressing from the hard work he's done. So he and my DIL take off to exotic locations all over the globe and yes, I am delighted for them! But it hurts. How's about they spend a couple of hours at my boring little apartment some time?

I spend time, every day, crying. Feeling like I've thrown my life away. And my husband is disrespectful to me, sometimes truly abusive. He's cruel.

Bitter, hurt, horribly isolated. Wounded. I desperately want to see things a different way, but I don't know how. For the first season in my life I really do not know how, and that is scaring me terribly; I don't want to live like this. Do you, owl? I mean it sincerely, no judgment: do you want to remain hurt and bitter, or do you want to find a different way?

Can you divorce him (husband)?

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Originally Posted by nonightowl ...Mail is delayed too.

Are you sure about that? My husband and I have run an online business selling books, 14 years, and we've never seen the USPS move parcels so fast.

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Originally Posted by willowtigger Can you divorce him (husband)?

Thanks for the hug wt. and thank you for asking.

3 years into our relationship I left because of the bad way he treated me. I got a terrific job and I was so happy. After some months, he came around and was so nice and made promises and pleaded with me to marry him. I didn't want him in my life. He kept pressuring me. I did not, not want to be with him. Then the news came that the funding for my position had been cut (it was a social services agency). I was crushed by that news, and all I could think of was that I wanted a baby and a family. So I agreed to get married. That was about 40 years ago. We don't live together anymore, but to get divorced would just cause me to lose financial benefits , so

Just wanted to add my two cents......

I am thankful that I will be spending Christmas with my son, daughter, and sister.......Unfortunately, both of my parents have passed away--I sure do miss them.

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Originally Posted by steelmagnolia65 Just wanted to add my two cents...... I am thankful that I will be spending Christmas with my son, daughter, and sister.......Unfortunately, both of my parents have passed away--I sure do miss them.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents, magnolia. I always say that no matter how old we are when we lose our parents we feel like an orphan when they are gone. My mother was no saint while I was growing up...maybe that's unfair; she had a mental illness. But she could also be perhaps the most stunningly fabulous woman I've ever known, too. I've been crying at some point every day this season because I miss her at this time of year so much.

I hope your Christmas with your loved ones will be filled with joy

I'm sorry steel

the forum loves a steel

Thank you @Beth....I appreciate that