Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

*Beth* · 11:49 PM

I have a good friend from high school, a friendship which goes back about 41 years. His name is Mark. One of the sweetest guys ever, friendly to everyone who crosses his life's path. Mark was one of the first gay people I knew; he was open about it, and in the high school I attended the kids were admirable. Open and curious, not judgmental.

A couple of months after we graduated Mark moved to San Francisco. Our class president, who was also gay, had moved to SF, too. My friends and I were worried; it was 1981 and AIDS was on the rampage. There was absolutely no stopping it at that time - in fact, how people caught it was still a big mystery. You could get tested to find out if you were positive for AIDS, but it took 6 months to receive the test results. Kind of pointless.

Our class president caught AIDS and died less than 2 years after graduation. By some toss of the Miracle Dice, Mark didn't catch it. He eventually moved down to Southern California and after some years, opened an upscale restaurant in Santa Monica. He was doing well in life. He couldn't seem to find "that perfect partner," but he did date some good men, did some traveling, and enjoyed running his restaurant.

Then covid hit. Mark lost his restaurant. Little by little, he lost touch with friends. He'd never been at all close to his family, who hadn't ever accepted his "lifestyle choices."

Since Mark is almost 800 miles down south, I haven't seen him in many years. Fortunately, we have Facebook and we gratefully keep in touch there. I was surprised yesterday evening to receive a shockingly disturbing message from Mark. He's been terribly depressed and, after a lot of consideration and thought had decided to

Possible trigger:

kill himself

. As he put it, "I have 800 friends on Facebook, but not one of them have reached out to me during the holiday season now that I'm no longer one of the SoCal elite. I'm completely alone this season and I've gone crazy."

I know Mark and I know how intense Mark is. I know how determined he can be. I know how, when he makes up his mind to do something he usually goes for it. I've worked with high-crisis situations, including suicide prevention, I have the tools, and I also have the real feeling. Plus, I love Mark. I need him here. So I spent a couple of hours last night talking things out with him. He is crazy with loneliness, with isolation, there's no Happy Hallmark Holiday Season for Mark. And I get that, because there's none for me, either.

I'm not writing this post only about Mark, though. I'm writing it because I'm noticing many, many people in Mark's situation or similar. The loneliness, the cruel isolation, and the miserable shame of admitting being someone who isn't a part of the "Hallmark Holiday."

I'm aware of people on this forum who are going through this season holding on, white-knuckled, with their eyes scrinched shut, their hearts cracking and bleeding, waiting for the agonizing pain of this season to be over. There are so many reasons for why the days between mid-November and New Year's Day are extremely challenging for many of us.

Maybe there are some members here who feel comfortable sharing their stories.

We have the Loneliness board here on the forum, which is an excellent place to meet and talk with others who are feeling alone. But I'm starting this thread specifically with the holiday season in mind.

Whether you love this season, are so-so about it, or are having a rough time for any reason(s), I'm creating this thread for you to share your thoughts about how you're feeling during this year's holiday season.

Let's talk. No one should be alone at this time of the year.

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Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

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