I feel like I behave like her

I spend so much time alone and isolated that I over reflect and overanalyze.
However lately I feel as though I am exhibiting the traits of one of my abusers. Adopted mother. She was isolated barely left the house unless my dad drove her. Spent exorbitant amounts of time in bed. Was highly anxious and couldn't hold a job.
All the above traits I now possess and I don't like it so I want to change it

I can identify with you since I am kind of a hermit.

I think it is perhaps true that the early experiences of our childhood wire our brains in certain ways. These patterns become like ruts in a dirt road, ruts we tend to fall into.

One rut many people who have suffered bad childhoods fall into is the "could be better but isn't better' frame of mind.

If a person wears green sunglasses, they give everything a green tint. If a person wears rose colored glasses, they give everything a pink tint.

Many people, including me, get stuck in a "could be better but isn't better" frame of mind. This way of looking at things tends to produce feelings and moods of unhappiness, frustration, aggravation, guilt, anger and a sense of hopelessness.
How could this way of looking at things NOT cause those kinds of feelings?

Some people are lucky in that they have inherited a different frame of mind . . . a "could be worse, but isn't worse" frame of mind. This frame of mind generates feelings and moods of happiness, feeling lucky, appreciation, gratitude and peace of mind.

Isn't it strange that the very same things can be looked at either way. I, you, anyone, anything, any situation could be better but isn't better. So true. But it is equally true that I, you, anyone, anything, any situation could be worse but isn't worse.

I think it is sort of the secret of happier people that they also tend to feel lucky. Even when bad things happen they think: wow, things could be worse but are not worse, thank goodness.

I try to work on altering my basic frame of mind. When bad things happen I try to remember . . . I am not on fire. I am not trapped in a desert without water. I don't have the Ebola virus. I am not blind. I am not in constant agony because I have a cancer for which pain meds don't work. Things like that.

For people like me, I tend to see problems and think and think about them. A psychiatrist once asked me to try to look at unhappy situations and ask myself: "why isn't this a problem?" Sometimes this allows me to find substitutes for whatever I have lost or am missing. This helps me sometimes. Not always of course.

I have little post-its up all over my house on which is written: "It could be worse, but isn't worse." These little reminders help me to keep from falling into the rut of always tending to think: could be better but isn't better." Sometimes just looking at these notes help with my mood.

Of course I am not a doctor or medical professional so I can only share what has helped me. A lot of times things that help one person don't help others or even make them feel worse so I cannot share this as "advice," Only sharing what has helped me personally.

I hope you find something that helps you. You have been through so much and are still going through so much. And a whole lot of it is utterly heartbreaking.

I also hope others here will have better words for you than my poor words.

That was extremely helpful. I do need to think of things as "they could be worse"

I appreciate that very much!